Song of the Day: Lead Me; Sanctus Real

Life can be difficult for those of us that have the answers. Like a puzzle, we know (think we know) where each piece should go. And the outcome - a gorgeous, fulfilling, glorious photograph. But you know, the world doesn't want to cooperate. It pulls, picks, disrupts, misleads until the fabric of importance is broken.

Some of you that know me will well think "Rebecca, let it go. Move on." But the fact that my children live without an important piece of their life and who they are and the same for Matthew's daughters, will always render pain. I have a cut on my hand from a few years ago. It was little, deep, nicked a nerve. And from time to time, it will twinge, ache, cause me to rub the scar or massage and flex my hand. I imagine it will bother me from time to time for years to come.

As is a scar on the proverbial spiritual heart. There to keep us aware that we are not yet whole and we have yet more work to do.

Which brings me to today's song of the day. As Matt & I have been attending the "Love and Logic" video series class, the first session have been about women. What surprised me was how much the video validated who and why I am what I am as a woman.

And that teenagers need to be watching this before they attempt to venture out into the great battle called relationship. We prepare them for all aspects of life except how to understand the dynamics of male & female. I can educate our girls, but who will educate their son so that my daughters can have a man of insight, discernment, wisdom & worth to marry? There's this unwritten expectation that we all just jump in and duke it out, hoping to be the less than 50% that makes it all the way to the end. It's one of the most important decisions we make because it is an event that is life altering - good and/or bad. A choice most of our kids will make - who to hook up with if you will, who to give your internal self, your soul to - and we spend little time preparing them for what is to come. Men and women are DIFFERENT. Not wrong. Just different. (That's an understatement)

This song played on the way in to work today and I thought it truly captures the spirit of most woman's heart AND a child's longing. Whether boy or girl, all kids want to be loved & cherished by their own parent. And often we fool ourselves with the old phrase "children are resilient" to give ourselves an out. If that were true, why are there so many walking wounded adults in the world today? Why is alcoholism, drug addiction, pornography, infidelity ruling our people, destroying lives & taking names? Many start as attempts to sooth inner pain and connect. Male & female, both need connection and at some level, crave relationship.

So I blog and I remain passionate about what I learn. And I hope as He works it out through my keyboard, it touches someone today.

Song of the Day - "Forgiven" Sanctus Real

Song of the Day. I don't have to carry the weight of who I've been.

Which one of us hasn't failed in some ways? In the most important ways, where it counts the most? Our family? Our marriage? Our children? Work? A friend?

"The past is playing with my head. Failure knocks me down again. That Devil just won't let me forget. In this life, I know what I've been. In your arms, I know what I am. When I don't fit in, don't feel like I belong anywhere. When I don't measure up to much in this life. I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ."

I am thankful.

Lead Me so I can Lead Them

Yesterday I posted on my Facebook how hard it is to walk against the world. Especially in parenting. I've mused recently how interesting it is to be a parent with moral standards, actively involved in your children's lives, responsible, not abandoning them, doing the hard time, loving them, teaching them, guiding them - and yet, feel the disapproval of so many. Huh?

As a mother of a daughter who is a year younger than her peers, it's been difficult to encourage her to remain her age when she's so eager to jump ahead. Yet really, regardless the age, we have a household that doesn't jump on every new fangled hip jive and we encourage our children to hold back, view from a distance and really see if it's worth all the hoopla and energy marketing and society would like you to invest in. We've been rid of TV or cable for years, we watch what's coming in to the house media wise and care about what our teens are watching or feasting their eyes & ears upon. We are involved. And God forbid, yes we monitor their email accounts and their cell phone usage. And certainly, their friend's parents aren't. We haven't released the reins for their indulgence in social media. They don't drink coffee yet (now known to be linked to first brain addiction & that is a choice they can make for themselves as adults). We have our reasons, that we believe in as strongly as those that oppose moral - or any - constraints. We are horrible parents and all of my daughters friends hate me.

I find it interesting that instead of hearing encouragement for being an aware parent, there is admonishment to give it all up, let go and let our teens do what they want. They are going to do it anyway so what's the point of guiding? Where's the intelligence in that statement?

What parents need is encouragement and support to remain steadfast in their right to fight (wasn't that an 80's song? "Fight for the Right... to party.." oh, yes I remember...being teen...) - against the world, to attempt to raise moral and confident human beings. Some of the areas our teens have to wade through do not strengthen them. They enslave them and at a time when their brains are just starting final development, they certainly do not have the maturity or ability to logically think - while the final stage of brain development for logical thinking is in process, a parents responsibility is to attempt to help encourage healthy brain connections and yes, protect from unhealthy brain connections. Yes, at times to stand in the way. Hands off? I don't think so.

So yesterday was a low parental day for me. I told Matt, there are days when I am ready to give up. To become like others, complacent in my parenting, let my children go elsewhere if they are so miserable and I'll let go of all responsibility and go enjoy the rest of my life. Just as others have. Yes, it's bitterness. Mostly parental hurt. Maternal hurt. The separation of parent and child for a mother, I believe can be more painful than for fathers, the risk takers.

I have these feelings rarely. When I do, a voice whispers in my heart & soul - "Stay the course".

Matt put his arm around me & said "if you were doing what the world wanted, the enemy wouldn't pay attention. But the fact you are standing by your values and not giving in to the world, attempting to raise your children against what society states to do, makes him attack." As tears rolled from my eyes I looked away and said "yes but at times I wonder if what I'm doing IS right. Because for me, doing it right is so deeply important. It's part of who I am" My own personal hell sometimes. Sometimes I care what people think. I've grown out of this more as I've matured but sometimes, especially in regards to my child or family, I really do care
and having to stand alone, is lonely. I realize that doing what I feel is right and caring what others think often create internal conflict.


Anyway, the point. I rarely listen to the radio. This morning I decided to leave it on & this song was the first song played. It's all I heard between the house & the office. I knew it was HIM speaking to me and when the final chorus hit, I just internally said "I know Lord. I know. Thank you for validation."

When HE speaks, I know it. And it always humbles me. I will stay the course, although it may not be easy and there may be little - at times - NO support in what I'm doing, I think I will be able to look back and know I did my best. There is a reason that God chose to give the responsibility of raising these kids to me. It could have been given to anyone. Yet, here I am - doing it. And when I'm down, He never misses the opportunity to bring me around.

I just got off the phone with Ryan. He says "uh, well that's what's parents do. Sometimes they make mistakes and sometimes they don't". From the mouth of babes.

Yes the kids will ultimately make their own decisions but I have to be secure in my own soul that I did all I could. Even when my kids don't like me.

LEAD ME - Sanctus Real

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone."

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone."

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them - Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing dreams that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this out home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Christian lyrics - LEAD ME LYRICS - SANCTUS REAL