Book of the Day: So Sexy So Soon

Authors: Levin/Kilbourne

Elementary-school children playing the rape game and young teens engaged in oral sex are only a fraction of the sexualized behavior young children are displaying, to the horror of their parents. Victoria’s Secret is selling thongs to girls as young as 8, and the Bratz doll is outselling Barbie, who is viewed as no stranger to sexualized images herself. Levin and Kilbourne, experts in childhood development, explore the troubling trends in ramped-up childhood sexuality; the implications for sexuality and relationships; and the potential for such trends to lead to pathological sexual behavior. The authors offer disturbing research on the pressure on young children, particularly girls, to dress and act in sexually provocative ways long before they are able to understand what they are doing. They also explore the marketing of sex to young children through television and the Internet. Intended for parents of children ranging in age from 4 to 12, this book offers helpful advice about what parents can do to protect their children from hypersexualized cultural influences. --Vanessa Bush

The authors (Levin is a professor of education; Kilbourne, an authority on the effects of advertising) accuse the media of sexualizing children. Constantly, American children are exposed to a barrage of sexual images in television, movies, music and the Internet. They are taught young that buying certain clothes, consuming brand-name soft drinks and owning the right possessions will make them sexy and cool—and being sexy and cool is the most important thing. Young men and women are spoon-fed images that equate sex with violence, paint women as sexually subservient to men and encourage hooking up rather than meaningful connections. The result is that kids are having sex younger and with more partners than ever before. Eating disorders and body image issues are common as early as grade school. Levin and Kilbourne stress that there is nothing wrong with a young person's natural sexual awakening, but it is wrong to allow a young person's sexuality to be hijacked by corporations who want them as customers. The authors offer advice on how parents can limit children's exposure to commercialized sex, and how parents can engage kids in constructive, age-appropriate conversation about sex and the media. One need only read the authors' anecdotes to see why this book is relevant. (Sept.) Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

FOTF: Your teen & pediatrician

I completely agree - this has been an issue lately with McKenna and some serious drugs the doctors are trying to "encourage" (more like push her in to it) her to take, without any regard to me as the parent. Pretty silly because 1) who do they think will be "buying" the medication? 2) picking AND PAY for the prescription; and 3) making the determination what doctor she goes to? It doesn't make sense with her at 13, for a doctor to alienate a loving, responsible, involved and cooperative parent.

Should a parent expect to be informed of their child's conversation with their doctor?

Teenagers are typically sensitive and modest about their bodies — especially when their parents are around — so I can understand the need for privacy during a physical exam. The larger issue here, however, is the physician's accountability to you as the mother, and at this point, I agree entirely with the position you have taken. Other parents have expressed similar concerns to me.

I'm reminded of a mother who told me that she took her 14-year-old daughter to their pediatrician for a routine physical exam. The mother was aware that her daughter was beginning to develop physically and might be sensitive to her being in the examining room with her. She offered to remain in the waiting room, but the girl objected.

"I don't want to go in there by myself," she said. "Please come with me." After arguing with her daughter for a moment, the mother agreed to accompany her to the examining room.

When the exam was over, the doctor turned to the mother and criticized her for intruding. He said in front of the girl, "You know, you really had no business being in the examining room. It is time I related directly to your daughter. You should not even be aware of the care that I give her or the medication I prescribe. Nor should you know the things that are said between us. My care of your daughter should now be a private matter between her and me."

The girl had been going through a period of rebellion, and the mother felt her authority was weakened by the doctor's comments. It was as though he were saying, "Your day of supervision of your daughter has now passed. She should now make her own decisions." Fortunately, that mother was unwilling to do as she was told and promptly found a new doctor. Good for her!

I have discussed this conversation with several pediatricians, and they have each agreed with the doctor in this case. They emphasized the importance of a youngster having someone to talk with in private. Perhaps. But I object to the autonomy demanded by the physician. Fourteen-year-old boys and girls are not grown, and their parents are still the best people to care for them and oversee their development. It is appropriate for a physician to have some private moments with a young patient, but he or she should never forget to whom accountability is owed.

Furthermore, if greater authority is to be granted to the doctor, the parent had better find out just what he or she believes about contraceptives for minors, premarital sex, spiritual matters and the like. Be careful whom you choose to trust with the body and the soul of your child.


The pace of living is so frantic today that we have become dangerously willing to accept surrogate parenting from a variety of professionals who meander through our lives. Educators, youth ministers, athletic coaches, music instructors, psychologists, counselors and physicians are there to assist parents in raising their kids — but never to replace them.

Dressing Standards redress...

I wish I did have my head in the sand.

But alas, I need it out with eyes wide open. And I see clearly the blatant sexualization of our society, pointedly targeting our young people - and those that feel strip joints next to Safeco field or naked girls in the WHS student section are a good way to "educate your children".

IF it were only a few girls, I wouldn't have bothered to write the paper. But it wasn't. Just next to us alone there was a large section of girls running up & down the stairs in pretty inappropriate dress. And I mean inappropriate. Shredded shirts? I was pointing out the near nakedness of Woodinville daughters. I don't know about the last 20 years, all I can attest to is what several of us saw & discussed the night we were there and what we've seen allowed at even the junior high over the years.

I have been thanked by numerous parents for my letter to the editor so apparently I'm not a lone voice, just the only one to point it out publicly.

My intent was not to attack or point out any particular department or group. I did not mention the football team, the cheerleaders or the great band. Kudo's to them all - fabulous! Rather, the intent was to address a problem in the student body that seemed district wide, seemingly ignored by administration, which among many of us is disheartening to see at Woodinville. Football is a great sport, one our family loves and this should not be the reason anyone stays home.

I was not allowed to participate as a volunteer for the Homecoming dance last weekend, even though I was encouraged to call because they were begging for parent chaperons. Maybe I should be using a pen name since we'll be in this district for 11 more years. I was told by an ASB adult that 20 parents and "whatever teachers decided to show up" was enough to chaperon 600+ kids and that I could not volunteer. I can't help but find that very interesting indeed.

Maybe, just maybe, a different type of education might take place for everyone, if our girls - at school - were expected to not dress like they were preparing for the show at the local Grab N Go.

Another parental learning moment...

Here's a play by play surrounding our trip to last week's high school football game....

Kayla, first year at Woodinville High School, wants to go to the football game with her best friend and their group (3 girls, 2 boys). "Are her parents going?" "I don't think so". "Then we'll be going, we're not ready for unchaperoned football games". Yea, we're a bit slower then some parents....

Several times the discussion comes up that Ms. Friend's parents aren't going. and a small allusion (or Illusion on Kayla's part), that we're not going either... so sorry. :) Night of the game comes and wait! Who's going? Ahhhh, Ms. Friend's mother is going to "check out the social scene". Mmmmm, hmmmm - we're not the only slow parents on the block.

We park. An SUV opens next to us and a girl appears. Both of her shirts she is "wearing" are shredded and the only part left (thankfully) are very tiny parts of material covering her chest. It's bareness matches her barely there mini skirt, which ride under her hip bones, barely above the pubic area and hardly covering her butt cheeks.... I look over at her companion, who is dressed in a skin tight black tank, bare mid riff and short mini skirt. Hmmm, reminds me of the actress off of Transformers who dressed exactly this way for.... HIGH SCHOOL????

One of the girl's mom exits the SUV and follows the girls inside. I can't even say "I bet they sneaked those clothes out".

Off to the stands we go. As we enter, it gets so much better! Matt, Ms. Friend's mom & I turn our heads up to the stands - right at a young girls bare thighs. which are between her white thigh highs and pretty silver bows (smack dab out of Fredericks of Hollywood I'm sure) and the matching short netted see through ballerina skirt. Is it Halloween already I think? It thought this was a HS football game.

Oh, but wait. At least she has some sort of shorts on under the skirt. As we are inundated with partially nude young high school girls (please, I am not exaggerating), Ms. Friend's mom and I are chatting, getting to know each other - pleased that we are exactly alike in our parenting (I am SO happy to not be alone!) and concerns with our daughters. I turn my head to say something to Matt and look at a girls BARE butt.

Okay, I exaggerate. Because it's not "bare". She is wearing full lace white hose, the same netted ballerina skirt and a WHS shirt. Some parent said she had thong like shorts on but that was it. Her butt was bare under the whatever they were.

Okay, now I'm really angry. Who in the heck is administering this stadium and the game? Where are the adults who facilitate and manage the students?

I look around... where's the pole and when does the show start?

Then the girl with the white SEE THROUGH lycra short short short shorts walks by. I look over at Ms. Friend's mom who says "why get dressed at all?".

I'm looking around at all the men in the stands. I feel sorry for them because regardless of age, men are visual creatures. And we were handing our daughters on a plate to them for a visual feasting. It was disgusting.

We had discussed bringing the family down, getting Ryan excited for football - we didn't realize we'd be entering a strip joint.

I guess this is one more thing we'll keep away from for now. And Kayla, sorry - no unchaperoned visits to that football team.