Cultural Challenge of the Week: Marriage

(I would think Matt would say being married to me is full of frustration at times, LOL. And our kids would agree. Here's to God's strength, so we all can hang in there ;P ) - Rebecca M

Here's hoping you are getting to spend quiet, reflective time enjoying God's blessing of "family" and thanking him for each member of your own family. Given that my own boys have just flown in to join us for Thanksgiving, I'm going to keep the newsletter brief this week -- I've got lots of cooking to do!! :)

In addition to celebrating Thanksgiving and God's many gifts to us this week, my hubby and I are also celebrating our 25th anniversary. Naturally, it seems like the perfect time to reflect on the wonderful blessing that marriage can be. Our popular culture totally degrades the sacred institution that marriage was designed to be, and can be, if we would be understand and remember the promise of marriage:

Culture Challenge of the Week: Marriage

I am a very blessed woman: This week I will have been married to my wonderful husband Andy for 25 years. He is a very patient man!

Before we were married, Andy made it clear that he would walk by my side for life – that he would love and stick with me through thick and thin, no matter what. I also made the same promise to him.

It has to start with that – a sacred vow between two people before God.

The promise is supposed to be kept not based on how you “feel” at any given moment, or whether or not it becomes “convenient” to see it through. The promise is kept because you made it – simply because you said you would. I’m convinced that one of the reasons so many marriages fail is because our culture doesn’t value the basic principles of honor and integrity and what it means to give your “word.”

The marriage promise is the foundation upon which happy families are formed. When a man and woman are mature and selfless enough to do what it takes to stay true to their promise, everyone wins. The social science data is very clear on the many benefits of sound marriages for husbands, wives and children. As the Center for Marriage and Family at the American Values Institute puts it, “Marriage is the good that produces so many other goods:” “Marriage is linked to higher levels of health and happiness and lower levels of alcohol and drug abuse for both adults and teens. Marriage is a wealth-creating institution: married people earn more, save more, and build more wealth, compared to people who are single or living together. There is an inverse relationship between marriage and crime: in communities where marriage is common, crime is much less common. Marriage is our most pro-child institution. It is our society’s best arrangement for helping children to thrive.”

But, if you are having trouble in your marriage right now, it’s not the social science that matters. It’s the fact that you are miserable, broken-hearted and maybe even about to fail in the single most important relationship in your life.

Don’t let it be that way.

There was a reason you and your spouse got married in the first place – a reason why you were both willing to promise your lives to each other. Find it. Find the reason, strip away the garbage, learn to forgive where needed, and start afresh to build upon the foundation you created on your wedding day.

How to Save Your Family and Marriage

If your marriage is experiencing a rough period, please take action right now. There are wonderful people and organizations that want to help you succeed. My husband and I are friends with a couple whose marriage was saved partially by attending one of the Weekend to Remember conferences sponsored by Family Life Today. These marriage-enriching conferences have been attended by more than one million couples over the years, with astounding results. You and your spouse can plan to attend the upcoming conference in the Washington, DC area by registering at www.FamilyLifeToday.com . Their Web site also features life-changing advice and materials on everything from “romance and sex,” to “challenges and conflicts.”

The National Institute for Marriage is another marriage-saving resource that offers intensive counseling designed for couples who feel “stuck and hopeless.” You can download free materials at www.NationalMarriage.com. They even have a toll-free number that can help you decide what your next step should be. If your marriage is in trouble, or just less than you hoped for, then put down the newspaper, pick up the phone and call 1-866-875-2915.

Andy will probably tell you that being married (at least to me) includes laughter -- and frustration. (Like I said, he is a very patient man.) For that, and for so many wonderful days and nights, and for his abiding love, I love him from the depths of my heart and soul.

Happy Anniversary, My Love. Thank you for being a man of your word.


Why not use this Thanksgiving to reconnect and recommit to your spouse? And, if you are a single parent, please use this time to reconnect with your children in a deep and meaningful way. Your family should be filled with joy and commitment and abiding love -- and it all starts with you. Make it your top priority each day to remember the promise.

Warmly,

Rebecca Hagelin

30 reasons why I Love About My Husband

1) When my daughter needs some extra support during the day, my husband says “no problem!” and goes so I can try & concentrate at the office.

2) When I am busy with another child’s function, my husband says “no problem!” and takes my son to boy scouts AND stays to participate.

3) For the below freezing night he spent in a tent with Ryan so they could experience “man time” with fellow scouts.

4) Hhe waits to watch those horror movies he likes for when I’m not home!

5) He says “what do you want to watch tonight? The Proposal?”. And doesn’t mind that I pick an action flick instead

6) He gets excited about the new 2010 Mustang and makes sure to show it to me on our 24” MAC so I can see all the bells & whistles…

7) He says “we got an offer for a free movie ticket, I’m going to find one for us to go see”.

8) He loves the same things I do – our kids, our family, music, movies, photography, fast cars, exploring, traveling, life and food!

9) He hates exercising as much as I do

10) He’s a night owl like me.

11) He can also be quite an annoying happy morning person too.

12) His positive nature balances out my negative nature.

13) When the kids need something at school, or I've yet again overcommited myself & our time, he’s willing to help out.

14) He stands by my side in the hectic, insane pace of our life and takes care of the responsibilities that come with a family of 7.

15) Because he can make a mean meal!

16) Because he loves to eat ice cream with me in bed after the kids are asleep and we watch our movie of the night.

17) He is extremely creative!

18) He is MATH-ew and our math wizard for homework!

19) Kayla, Kassady and Peyton

20) Fitzgerald (a family name with good memories for me)

21) Because he’s part of the best of my Medford Mid High and Senior High memories.

22) My family loves him more than they love me

23) When I’m emotional, he can listen and cleanly cut through the emotion, get to the problem and help work through it with empathy, logic and understanding.

24) He’s home every night with us.

25) One of my favorite moments is when he’s greasy and grimy from fixing our cars or something around the house. He’s awesome.

26) The scar on his leg from his motorcycle accident on what was suppose to be our first date in 1986.

27) The scar on his hand from electrocuting himself while trying to sell our big screen TV when we couldn’t fit it into the house, which resulted in my first experience of watching skin stitching at the ER. I didn’t even pass out!

28) He went with Kassady to Girl Scouts last night while I stayed home and spent time with the rest of our brood.

29) Whatever I need on a computer, Matt figures it out! He’s a genius!

30) That he gets up every day and continues to try to improve our life in some way.