Culture Challenge of the Week: Parents Who Won't Parent

The new Fox TV show, "I Hate My Teenage Daughter," aired an episode recently that provoked passionate debate among real life moms. The TV episode followed a mom's reaction when her fourteen-year-old daughter wanted to date an older teen--a teenage dad. One viewer, then, turned to her peers on the popular blog site for moms, CafeMom, and asked, "Would you let your teenage daughter [age 14] date a guy who has a baby?"

While many of the moms said "no," (often saying they wouldn't let a fourteen-year-old date anyone), a few flakes said yes, and a significant number waffled.

The "wafflers" trouble me most.

Many wafflers were moms who felt a decision like this -- whether their 14-year-old should go out with a teen father -- wasn't theirs to make. As parents, they could only speak their piece and hope for the best.

Rules? Futile.

In their world, teens call the shots. Parental wisdom stacks up as one opinion among many -- advice to be considered, or not. Whether a teen will follow parental advice on dating is no more predictable than a roll of the dice.

"I would try to persuade her not to," said one mom. "I doubt I would have a choice, but I wouldn't like it," said another. A third chimed in with a fatalistic virtual shrug, "You can't really control love…"

Teen dating decisions for these moms clearly fall within the realm of personal autonomy, and so a daughter's autonomy (at 14!) would be absolute. Like selecting perfume, who they will spend time with alone becomes a matter of distinctly personal preference, impervious to rules or objective measure.

And so, if these parents believe they ought to suspend their parental judgment in favor of adolescent preference, what then is a parent's role? To 'support' --financially and emotionally -- their teen's decisions, regardless of whether or not those decisions are moral and prudent.

It's a secular parenting philosophy that extends beyond dating decisions to nearly every aspect of teenagers' lives -- friends, music, school, media, and faith. Teenage autonomy trumps parental authority.

The stage has been set for years now. From cartoons, to children's books, to adolescent literature, to school sex ed classes -- the cultural message is that parents are either clueless buffoons, or old-school tyrants. And, if parents don't willingly grant autonomy to their teens, then kids need a work-around (often provided by "teen advocates" with their own agenda).

Too often, parents themselves buy into this philosophy. As a result, according to Albert Mohler, the President of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, parents today "have largely become passive facilitators in the lives of their children."


How To Save Your Family with Loving Direction [Authority]

These waffling moms need to take their blinders off. With eyes wide open, they need to look around and realize that they, not their teens, are the grown-ups in the room.
Teens simply don't have the knowledge, maturity, and wisdom to make adult judgments.

This is why they have us.

Parents possess experience and wisdom that children won't have for years. Even a mature teenager cannot easily envision -- by herself -- the full, long-term consequences of her actions. She hasn't lived long enough and doesn't know enough. An adult, on the other hand, presumably is aware of the consequences of early dating -- and the risks of dating an older male whose values and self-control are in doubt.

Most of the moms in this online conversation had the right instincts -- they knew the right decision. What they lacked was the confidence and will to act; they lacked the confidence and will to parent.

That's not okay.

Parents have more than wisdom and years -- we have a responsibility, given by God, to train our children in the way they should go. (Prov. 12:6). It's an ongoing responsibility -- a gift to our children -- that does not end magically when a child hits 13.

Or, 15. Or, 17.

Loving parental authority not only teaches children right from wrong, but also helps them develop prudence, exercise gradual independence, and assume greater personal responsibility on the path to adulthood.

Teenagers need their parents, and parents need to parent.

Do your teens call the shots in your home? Is your parental wisdom just one opinion among many -- "advice" for your teen to consider or reject? It's time for parents to parent!

***

Teens rebel. It's an inevitability that is not a matter of if, but when, and how often. And, even the best teens think that they know what's best for them, and will reject your wisdom from time to time.

But, the answer is not to throw your hands in the air (or, offer a virtual shrug), and accept defeat. Teens do not know what's best for them. They need you, and the rebellion you see in them is evidence of that.

Stand your ground. Don't relent. They may not immediately recognize that you are right, and that you have their best interests in mind, but one day they will. And, the alternative -- letting teens run their own lives -- can have tragic consequences.

More than just needing you -- teens want you. They want your guidance and rules. So, be there for them. They'll appreciate it more than they'll let you know.

Rebecca Hagelin - 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family

Cultural Challenge:Bringing up Girls

OK, so my youngest child turned 18 this week, and now all of my children are officially "adults." Ouch! That hurts in one way, but is deeply beautiful and satisfying in so many other ways.

From a mom who has now "been there," my number one bit of advice to mothers of small children is: Enjoy them while you can. Spend time with them while they are still in your home. Examine your schedule, drop the junk, and seek out time to laugh with your kids, talk to them, shape their hearts and minds.

Just BE with them.

You will never get the precious years of childhood back -- ever. Do what you can to truly "parent" the precious children God has put in your care.

I'm so very grateful that before my children were born God placed it on my husband's and my heart to make them a top priority in our lives. Before money, careers, fancy houses and fancy vacations, our children came before everything else but our relationship with God and each other.

That's not to say there weren't times when we got over busy; there were plenty of those times! But, somehow, we were always able to recognize when work or volunteering got in the way, and -- thank God -- we were able to scale back and focus on the essential ingredient in parenthood: our children.

Since the month our only daughter turning 18 happens to coincide with one release of the very best books ever written about raising girls, I decided to make Bringing up Girls the focus of the Culture Challenge of the Week:


Culture Challenge of the Week: Bringing up Girls

This week my little girl -- and, youngest child -- becomes an adult. It is a strange feeling to suddenly become the mother of only adult children -- an odd transition that no one says much about, but is one of many monumental and emotional passages that comprise the "empty nest" era.

As Kristin turns 18 and prepares to leave our home for college, I am overwhelmed with gratitude -- so deeply thankful -- that God picked me to be her mommy.

She has always been a delightful child, and I am so proud of the woman she has become. A stellar student, a joyful human being, thoughtful and warm, and at once both out-going and humble.

Kristin is a mother’s dream come true.

I marvel that even in the midst of a culture that brainwashes so many girls to flaunt their sexual power, focus on selfish desires, and throw traditional morality and chastity to the wind, Kristin has managed to see through the lies and discover what is highest and best. Please know that although I have spent many hours in prayer over my little girl and have done my very best to teach her to challenge the culture and to tower above the darkness, it is Kristin -- not me -- who has chosen her life path. I thank God every day that she has chosen well. That she has chosen Him.

The great heartbreak is that our nation’s little girls are in danger, and many of them are ill-equipped to realize it.

Dr. James Dobson, author of the new book, Bringing up Girls, describes the many disturbing threats and behaviors that mark this generation of young women. Among them: "A rising incidence of eating disorders, including anorexia and bulimia," cutting and self-mutilation, sexual aggression, binge drinking, and a growing trend of middle class girls to strip and even perform sex acts for cash.

Through the years, Dr. Dobson’s advice has helped me raise Kristin. I’ve read and listened to his teachings throughout my parenthood. And, I’m so grateful -- on behalf of other parents and their little girls too -- that Dr. Dobson has now compiled years of research and experience into one practical handbook to ensure that more girls reach their full potential and become women known for their sterling character and goodness. I’m also grateful that he is continuing to share his wonderful wisdom on the air through his new radio show, Family Talk, which he is co-hosting with his fine son, Ryan. (You can learn more at www.MyFamilyTalk.com)


How to Save Your Daughter

Dr. Dobson and his lovely wife, Shirley, are two of my all time favorite heroes.

In addition to serving as mentors and counselors to millions around the world through the powerful ministries they have led -- including Focus on the Family and the National Day of Prayer -- they succeeded in applying the principles they preach to raising their own inspiring and wonderful daughter, Danae. Although I’ve spent years researching and writing about parenting, family and cultural issues, I still marvel at the unique insights, timeless wisdom and practical help Dr. Dobson continues to offer parents. Bringing up Girls: Practical advice and encouragement for those shaping the next generation of women is a masterpiece, containing a treasure trove of advice and encouragement.

If you have daughters, nieces, granddaughters, or female cousins; if you work with girls in any way; Bringing up Girls can help you help them succeed in every area of their lives. Dr. Dobson opens the book by giving us a peek into the female nature, teaching us to appreciate what he calls "The Wonderful World of Girls." He has chapters on the unique, powerful, and different influences that fathers and mothers have on their little girls, and teaches how you can build a close relationship with your own.

He tackles controversial issues like "The Obsession with Beauty," "Bullies, Buddies, and Best Friends," and dedicates an entire chapter to the toughest and most common questions facing parents of girls. Most of all, Dr. Dobson inspires parents to love their daughters enough to take the time to connect with them, to be involved in their lives, and to dare to question the status quo.

As my own daughter prepares to enter adulthood as an honorable, giving, loving human being, my hat goes off to Dr. James Dobson for providing the tools parents need to help their little girls leave home that way too. Yes, your daughter will ultimately choose her own path, but Bringing Up Girls equips you to help her clearly see the right one.



If you read this newsletter on a regular basis, then you can probably tell that one of my great privileges is to promote people and ideas and organizations that help you succeed in this great adventure called, "parenthood." My desire is to help you strengthen your relationship with your children, grow their faith in God, and equip them to tower above the pop culture. I also want to give you and your friends encouragement each week.

Please take a few minutes to forward this e-mail to five people you know -- pastors, youth workers, teachers, friends -- anyone who has children in their life! Let them know they can receive it for free each week in their own inbox just by taking one minute to sign up at www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com.

Thank you, and have a blessed week!

Culture Challenge of the Week: Sexual Predators

It used to be that a parent's greatest worry was the guy in the trench coat lurking on the edge of the school playground. Now, thanks to the Internet, that creep often hangs out with your son in his bedroom.

Pedophiles prowl wherever children go, and cyberspace is their newest playground. Strangers anonymously scan the Internet and quietly spy in chat room conversations in search of prey. They cunningly study how to masquerade as "friends" to your children, and know just how to manipulate their emotions.

Recent surveys show that 69 percent of teens who are online receive personal messages from people they don't know. Fifty percent of teens who enter chat rooms say they have shared personal information with strangers including their phone numbers, addresses, and where they go to school. And, 73 percent of sexual solicitation online happens while youth are using their home computers. In the worst cases, the cyber-stalkers lure kids to secret meetings where they are sexually abused, and even murdered. According to the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, two out of every five missing teens ages 15 to 17 are abducted in connection with Internet activity.

How to Protect your family from Cyber-Stalkers

Parents, you are the first line of defense. With the proliferation of online p*rnography and perverts seeking their next victim in cyberspace, the job of protecting your kids in the vastness of the Internet can seem overwhelming.

Thankfully, the Internet Safety 101 comprehensive DVD teaching series can help.

Developed by the Enough is Enough organization, Internet Safety 101 equips parents with both technical and non-technical tips. Their "Rules 'N Tools" enables children and families to enjoy all the benefits and wonders of the Internet while teaching children how to avoid danger and make wise choices.

There are a few basic steps you should take right now to protect your child -- before he makes another keystroke.

• Secure a reliable Internet filter. A fantastic new Internet filter will roll off the production line in the Fall that will also help you filter out unwanted television programming and commercials. Check out www.MyMpowerBox.com. For those who don't have televisions, a stand alone great Internet filter is available at www.BSecure.com


• Move the computer into a public space in your home


• Tell your child about the dangers of the Internet, and remind her to never talk to strangers online


• Order Internet Safety 101

As I mentioned in this column last week, it is my privilege to serve as a pro-bono member of the Enough is Enough (EIE) Advisory Board. EIE President Donna Rice Hughes has committed some 15 years of her life fighting p*rnography and sexual predators, studying Internet usage and technologies, and assembling the most effective ways to protect your children in cyberspace. It took three intense years to develop, produce and pilot Internet Safety 101. The program includes parental control tutorials, cyber-security resources, compelling video vignettes from law enforcement, victims clinicians, and a frightening interview with a convicted sex offender.

The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, US Department of Justice, supports efforts to protect your kids through EIE and Internet Safety 101 -- shouldn't you?

Cultural Challenge of the Week: Abstinence Education

Rebecca Hagelin:

School has been cancelled all week, and the teenagers have been having a ball. They've been tromping through the snow and in-and-out of several homes. Yesterday, there was a large group here for hot chocolate and a little rest from all the sledding. It was so much fun to sit with them around the fire and hear them talk about school, college applications and ....snow! Tomorrow, a "bunch" of them are coming over for lasagna and all the fixings. I'm so grateful to have a daughter who has chosen her friends well. And, I'm also grateful that somehow when our kids were little, my husband and I both had a vision to create a home where teens would want to "hang out."

Being around teenagers and seeing how much potential they have -- how their entire adult life awaits them with all of its joys, worries, and experiences -- really makes me want to do all I can to help them protect their integrity, their innocence, and that great potential.

Innocence? I can hear some folks questioning my selection of that word. In today's world, are any teenagers really innocent?

Well, when you look at all they don't know -- can't possibly know -- because they haven't lived on their own, raised families, had to look for jobs, etc., etc., yes, they are indeed innocent. And, given that this particular group of kids that was gathered in my home all believe that sex should be saved for marriage -- they are innocent in that regard, too.

Guess what: They didn't make it to their senior year believing they should save sex for marriage by accident. It came from some pretty deliberate teaching by their parents, reinforcement by caring youth leaders, and regular involvement in their faith communities.

But not every child has that supportive network of adults who love them enough to teach them the value of abstinence, and then go the extra mile to equip them to practice it. That's why it's important to teach abstinence in the public school systems.

Sadly, however, thanks to recent political decisions, it seems that the few schools who do teach a solid abstinence message are going to lose all funding. It's not surprising when you consider how hard some are working to replace all abstinence education with comprehensive sex education. I wrote about that subject last week, and then this week a new medical study was released that shows just how superior abstinence programs are to any other type of sex education. That's why the subject is my Culture Challenge of the Week:



Culture Challenge of the Week: Abstinence Education

This week the American Medical Association (AMA) published a report that shows abstinence education works. Tragically, President Obama and Nancy Pelosi had already pandered to dishonest groups like Planned Parenthood, who profit from teen sexual activity, and took the unbelievable action of terminating government funding of these successful abstinence programs.

When adults take the time to tell children what is right and what is wrong, and teach them how to avoid sex, the majority of them actually do. But, when a young person is constantly bombarded with sexual images, taught by those in authority that he can freely engage in sex if he wants to, and is presumed to be unable to control himself, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that he will most likely become sexually active.

In the AMA’s Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, a study of sixth and seventh graders reveals a stark contrast between kids who are taught the president's preferred sex education and those who receive abstinence education. When students are told that abstinence is best at the same time that the educator is telling them how to use a condom, nearly half of the teens end up having sex within two years. But when teachers give a consistent abstinence only message, equip children with practical methods to say “no,” and relay the full expectation that they can control themselves, only about a third of those children become sexually active in the next two years.

The facts are clear: true abstinence education works.

How to Protect Your Family from dangerous sex education

While many in the policy and education world are shocked at the revelation that abstinence education works, Robert Rector and Christine Kim of The Heritage Foundation have known this truth for years. In 2008, Heritage analyzed 21 different studies done on abstinence education programs. Researchers “found that in 16 of the 21 reports there were significant positive results in delaying early sexual activity and initiation.”

In addition to eliminating all chances of becoming pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease, Rector also reports that the research reveals that teens who practice abstinence, “will be happier and less depressed than their permissive peers. Abstinent teens also do dramatically better in school. They are half as likely to drop out as their sexually active peers. And teens who abstain until at least age 18 are twice as likely to attend and graduate from college as those who become sexually active while in high school.”

When I think about the millions of teens who will be left emotionally scarred by sexual encounters they are not mature enough to handle, or the millions of little girls who will become pregnant because adults shamefully encourage them to be sexually active, or the youngsters who will contract and carry a serious STD for life, it makes me angry that we have a president who is more concerned with satisfying the special interest groups than he is advocating for the safety of our children.

In most states, parents have the right to opt their children out of the sex education classes. But, you have to take the action to make that happen. Contact your school counselor and find out what the options are, and then sit down with your children and explain why you are choosing a better way. Make certain that the teachers do not belittle or punish them for not taking the classes. Find other parents in your child’s classroom who dare to take a stand, and support each other.

Secondly, be proactive in teaching abstinence to your children. Check out sites like www.family.org, www.abstinence.net, www.sexrespect.com , www.awareprogram.net and www.heritage.org for great abstinence education resources. Do your homework, take action and be committed enough to your children to teach them the truth. Since the president abandoned what works, and is even funding programs that make your job harder and your children more vulnerable, your sons and daughters are more reliant than ever on you to show them the way.




Thank you so very much for your continued support of my efforts to help parents strengthen their relationships with their children, grow their faith in God, and equip them to tower above the pop culture. You are helping every time you forward this e-mail to other parents, youth leaders and educators. Each week, I write this e-newsletter both as the mother of three (two boys in college and a senior in high school) and as a media/culture analyst. I know that many parents feel helpless in their efforts to raise children with character, and I know that all of us need ongoing encouragement and help in doing so. This free newsletter is my way of providing a little consistent support to others. Please feel free to e-mail it to others and to let them know they can subscribe at www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com

If you are one of the folks who recently ordered my book, 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family, but haven't yet received it, please accept my apologies! The snow has delayed my fulfillment abilities a bit. They should be on the way to you shortly. Thank you so much for your patience.

I also thank those of you who have e-mailed me with questions, suggestions, or just kind words of support. Although I can't respond to every e-mail, I do read each and every one of them and say a prayer for the person writing. Sometimes I even work suggestions and tips into these e-newsletters! So, thanks again.

Until next week, I hope you all stay warm and cozy. And, I pray that you will make the effort to spend one-on-one time with each of your children. If you haven't ever had "the talk" with them about abstinence, this just might be the perfect time for you to do so. It might (ok, it will) be a bit awkward for you and for your child, but deep inside they are hoping you will give them direction; that you care enough about them to share truth.

Please take the time to look through the websites I mention above so that you can get the support you need to equip your children to rise above the noise.

Warmly,

Rebecca

Teenage Depression: Hagelin: Cultural Challenge of the Week:

www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com

The least discussed human illnesses are those that deal with the brain. Yet, so many of our young people are suffering with various brain disorders, including depression and anxiety, that I believe it is way past time that we work to help remove the stigma.

The good news is that brain disorders (also known as mental illnesses) are highly treatable in this modern era. No one who suffers should be afraid, or ashamed, or embarrassed to ask for help. But, most who suffer do not ever ask for intervention because they either don't know help exists or they fear the response from their loved ones.

Mental illnesses are largely caused by chemical imbalances -- much like diabetes is a result of an imbalance in the blood system. When someone has diabetes, we have no problem recognizing that they often need to be treated with injections of insulin. But, many in our society still can't accept the fact that medications can be the "miracle" that can make life happy and normal again for those who suffer from depression.

This is particularly true when the one who is ill is a teenager. This has got to change. That's why I have made teenage depression the focus of this week's culture challenge:

Culture Challenge of the Week: Teenage Depression

You would think that teenagers growing up in the most prosperous society in history would be abundantly joyful. Even in these economic days of woe, teenagers spend an estimated 200 billion dollars a year on trinkets, toys, music and the latest fashions.

My goodness! Compared to the rest of the world our teenagers live like royalty.

Yet, recent studies show that the rate of teenage depression and mental illness is at an all-time high. And, while the general incidence of suicide has decreased in the United States in the past 25 years, it has tripled among young people ages 15 to 24. According to the Centers for Disease Control, suicide is the third leading cause of death in adolescents.

A recent study led by San Diego State University psychology professor Jean Twenge reports that compared to high school and college students in the Great Depression era, there are five times as many youth today that suffer from anxiety and mental health issues.

The causes of depression and anxiety can range from a genetic predisposition to a variety of illnesses. And, a pop culture filled with empty messages of "love 'em and leave 'em" -- a devaluation of human life -- the fact that 40 percent of children live in a broken home and an emphasis on materialism is enough to make even the healthiest child wonder if her life really matters. The harsh reality is that children from broken homes are five-times more likely to commit suicide than their peers from intact families.

Our pop culture is preoccupied with "liberating" children and teens from their parents, churches and traditional morality -- the three anchors which contribute to the development of healthy minds and spirits. They have been replaced with the rampant promotion of pornography, a doctrine of sexual experimentation, and a self-centered view of the world as evidenced by parents who think nothing of destroying a child's world and heart through divorce. Even teens from healthy homes are often afraid to enter the world on their own with all of its ills.

Our children are crying – literally – for a change.

How to Save Your Family from being lost in depression

Real depression and brain disorders are serious illnesses that must be taken just as seriously. The worst thing you as a parent can do if you suspect that your child is suffering from what still remains the most stigmatized of human conditions is to ignore him, or tell your child to “just snap out of it.”

It's incredibly disturbing that in this beautiful nation with all of our blessings and the wonders of medical science that people -- both adults and teens -- with mental illnesses are often afraid to seek treatment. Ignorance, public scorn, and a health system that doesn't seem to recognize the need for robust mental health services are a blight on America.

If you suspect that your child is plagued by depression, find out for certain. Whether due to a genetic condition or the emptiness of our culture, such suffering requires help -- and human decency demands it.

Know the signs. According to the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (www.NAMI.org), indicators of depression include:

* feeling persistently sad or blue;

* talking about suicide or being better off dead;

* becoming suddenly much more irritable;

* having a marked deterioration in school or home functioning;

* reporting persistent physical complaints and/or making many visits to school nurses;

* failing to engage in previously pleasurable activities or interactions with friends; and

* abusing substances.



The brain is a complex organ still shrouded in mystery. What we do know is that a brain can fall ill just as easily as a heart, lung, or blood system. Medical professionals will tell you that treatment options are vast and include psychotherapy as well as medicines. What they often don’t include, however, is the critical component of spiritual counseling.

The most successful treatments are comprehensive in nature and minister to the body, mind, emotions, and spirit. To get help for your child, start by looking into the life-giving resources available at www.meierclinics.com.



Many thanks for your continued support of this newsletter and my efforts to help strengthen our family relationships. If you find these e-mails helpful, please forward them on to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. As always, they can do so for free through my Web site, www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com.

This week, why not do something special for each member of your family to remind them that you love them and are committed to them as long as you live? As you reach out in a deliberate way with a tangible act of your love, you will be one step closer to building the close relationship that you crave.

Cultural Challenge of the Week: Marriage

(I would think Matt would say being married to me is full of frustration at times, LOL. And our kids would agree. Here's to God's strength, so we all can hang in there ;P ) - Rebecca M

Here's hoping you are getting to spend quiet, reflective time enjoying God's blessing of "family" and thanking him for each member of your own family. Given that my own boys have just flown in to join us for Thanksgiving, I'm going to keep the newsletter brief this week -- I've got lots of cooking to do!! :)

In addition to celebrating Thanksgiving and God's many gifts to us this week, my hubby and I are also celebrating our 25th anniversary. Naturally, it seems like the perfect time to reflect on the wonderful blessing that marriage can be. Our popular culture totally degrades the sacred institution that marriage was designed to be, and can be, if we would be understand and remember the promise of marriage:

Culture Challenge of the Week: Marriage

I am a very blessed woman: This week I will have been married to my wonderful husband Andy for 25 years. He is a very patient man!

Before we were married, Andy made it clear that he would walk by my side for life – that he would love and stick with me through thick and thin, no matter what. I also made the same promise to him.

It has to start with that – a sacred vow between two people before God.

The promise is supposed to be kept not based on how you “feel” at any given moment, or whether or not it becomes “convenient” to see it through. The promise is kept because you made it – simply because you said you would. I’m convinced that one of the reasons so many marriages fail is because our culture doesn’t value the basic principles of honor and integrity and what it means to give your “word.”

The marriage promise is the foundation upon which happy families are formed. When a man and woman are mature and selfless enough to do what it takes to stay true to their promise, everyone wins. The social science data is very clear on the many benefits of sound marriages for husbands, wives and children. As the Center for Marriage and Family at the American Values Institute puts it, “Marriage is the good that produces so many other goods:” “Marriage is linked to higher levels of health and happiness and lower levels of alcohol and drug abuse for both adults and teens. Marriage is a wealth-creating institution: married people earn more, save more, and build more wealth, compared to people who are single or living together. There is an inverse relationship between marriage and crime: in communities where marriage is common, crime is much less common. Marriage is our most pro-child institution. It is our society’s best arrangement for helping children to thrive.”

But, if you are having trouble in your marriage right now, it’s not the social science that matters. It’s the fact that you are miserable, broken-hearted and maybe even about to fail in the single most important relationship in your life.

Don’t let it be that way.

There was a reason you and your spouse got married in the first place – a reason why you were both willing to promise your lives to each other. Find it. Find the reason, strip away the garbage, learn to forgive where needed, and start afresh to build upon the foundation you created on your wedding day.

How to Save Your Family and Marriage

If your marriage is experiencing a rough period, please take action right now. There are wonderful people and organizations that want to help you succeed. My husband and I are friends with a couple whose marriage was saved partially by attending one of the Weekend to Remember conferences sponsored by Family Life Today. These marriage-enriching conferences have been attended by more than one million couples over the years, with astounding results. You and your spouse can plan to attend the upcoming conference in the Washington, DC area by registering at www.FamilyLifeToday.com . Their Web site also features life-changing advice and materials on everything from “romance and sex,” to “challenges and conflicts.”

The National Institute for Marriage is another marriage-saving resource that offers intensive counseling designed for couples who feel “stuck and hopeless.” You can download free materials at www.NationalMarriage.com. They even have a toll-free number that can help you decide what your next step should be. If your marriage is in trouble, or just less than you hoped for, then put down the newspaper, pick up the phone and call 1-866-875-2915.

Andy will probably tell you that being married (at least to me) includes laughter -- and frustration. (Like I said, he is a very patient man.) For that, and for so many wonderful days and nights, and for his abiding love, I love him from the depths of my heart and soul.

Happy Anniversary, My Love. Thank you for being a man of your word.


Why not use this Thanksgiving to reconnect and recommit to your spouse? And, if you are a single parent, please use this time to reconnect with your children in a deep and meaningful way. Your family should be filled with joy and commitment and abiding love -- and it all starts with you. Make it your top priority each day to remember the promise.

Warmly,

Rebecca Hagelin

Parental Pledge

"Today I pledge I will fight for my children & their futures. I will not back down or grow so weary that I give up. I will remember that above all else, my goal is to show my children that I love them - enough to dare to challenge the status quo." Rebecca Hagelin 30 ways to save your family in 30 days.