Hedy Lamarr: Genius

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/books/2011/11/richard_rhodes_hedy_s_folly_reviewed_what_was_the_source_of_hedy_lamarr_s_inventive_genius_.html

MSNBC Japan

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7 Moves that will make you a better Dad (MSN)

This was an outstanding article, for a MSN article.

1. Dig deeper

A nice house, cool clothes, and grub on the table just aren't enough. Providing for our kids is in our DNA, but how well do you know yours? Do you know who your kids play with at recess? What subject they really struggle with? What they love to eat for hot lunch? If you don't know these things, you need to. While all of us are busy as hell with work and everything else in our lives, we need to make time for our kids and get to really know them -- especially the odd, everyday things that make them tick. I make it a point to talk with my kids about what happened at recess before asking about what happened in class. I want to know about the relationships they're forging, and also what they're up to with their only free time of the day. It's not easy to get this from them. But here's a fun way to spend a little time with them that they'll think is awesome: When your son or daughter is standing at the bus stop ready to be picked up for school, drive up, stop, and tell them to get in. Kidnap them for breakfast and they'll think it's the coolest thing ever. When kids are really impressed or excited by something (like this) there's a much better chance of them opening up and telling you about their lives. Don't preach, don't gasp, just listen.

2. Teach your kids to stand tall

One of the most important things a father needs to teach his kids is how to stand up for themselves. You will not get far in this world if you become a doormat, and the longer you let it happen, the harder it is to turn it around. This can be anything from just learning how to speak up in class, or confronting someone who's being unfair to them. Our offspring need to be heard, defend what they believe in, and not be bullied. Yes, we want them to be nice and to treat people well, but there is also a time to be assertive instead of like a punching bag. Teaching them how to do all this in a scary world is one of the basic duties of being a father.

3. Get off your rear

While we may be proud of our lecturing skills, most of the time when we talk all our kids hear is, "Blah, blah, blah." So that makes our actions even more important. You can tell the kids that it's important to be healthy and active, but if all they ever see you do is sit on the couch shoveling Doritos into your mouth as you watch "Celebrity Rehab," they're going to do the exact same thing. Kids should always be learning, exploring and trying new things. It's all part of how they find out what they're passionate about and who they are.
Dads can help fuel this exploration by doing the same thing; getting involved in new sports, musical instruments, and activities. This keeps dads fresh and active, and also shows kids that it's cool to try new things. Want to crank up the enthusiasm? Get junior's buddy and his dad in the game too -- kids will do almost anything if their friends are involved. If you want to start golfing, make it a foursome and it'll be even more fun.

4. Prepare for your death

This should be something that I shouldn't even have to write, but it's amazing how many men skip this to save a buck. We can all sit here and think that it's not going to happen to us, but death happens to dads every day. Protecting your family should be number-one on your responsibilities list as a father. If you're not taking care of your family you run the risk of ruining their lives if the worst should happen. This encompasses a lot, including having a life insurance policy and a will, and knowing who's going to be there to teach your son about being a man. Another aspect of this is keeping yourself healthy with regular physicals and, for God's sake, exercise. I used to work out to look better, but now it's all about longevity. My ultimate goal is to live long enough to make sure my daughter doesn't marry some jackass. They don't say "hope for the best and prepare for the worst" for nothing.

5. No worshipping heroes

There are parents out there who absolutely worship their kids and think they can do no wrong. But those kids will grow up with a distorted view of how the world works. Every parent should love the hell out of their children, but thinking that they are flawless is setting all of you up for disaster. The kids end up with unreal expectations on how the world works, don't understand defeat, and can't figure out why everyone doesn't think they walk on water. And the parents end up devastated when you finally come to the realization that little Tony actually is capable of throwing his classmate into the girls' bathroom or stealing the neighbor's mail. We all have flaws, and there's nothing wrong with that. Let them learn to deal with the disappointment of losing, and even the brilliance of constructive criticism. It'll prepare them for the real world.

6. Remember why you married her

I've said this before, but a lot of people still scratch their head when I do. One of the best (if not the best) things you can do for your kids is to be a good husband to their mother. This can be difficult to do, but it just might be the most important item on the list. We pay so much attention to not screwing up our kids that we sometimes neglect the one relationship that plays the biggest role in the person they turn out to be. And if you're divorced, remember that the way you treat their mother will have an enormous impact. It will help them respect her, and also show them how to deal with challenging relationships as they get older.

7. Imitate Clark W. Griswold

Clark was on to something when he loaded up the family truckster and headed west to Wally World. A couple times a year, we all need to bust out of that rut that our daily routine puts us in -- and getting out of Dodge is the only cure. It's not just us either; every member of the family needs to get away and put a little adventure back in their life. As painful as the family vacation can be while it's happening (with the constant potty breaks, spilled juice boxes, and annoying comments from the backseat), I run into more adults who claim that vacations were the parts about their childhood that they'll never forget. It doesn't have to be expensive -- you don't have to go far -- you just need to have a family experience to remember, for better or worse.

The capsule arrives

And the capsule as it arrives into the cave. Think about this. The capsule, being pulled/pushed through 1/2 mile of rock. Think about being in that capsule, moving through the narrow chute of earth for 14 minutes. How amazing!

2nd Miner laughs his way to the top

The first brought tears, this one deep laughter. What a great moment :) LOVE the rocks, exactly what I would do! So great to have kept such good levity. 33 miners, 600 s/f of space. And you thought your home was small! :P

First Miner makes his way up 1/2 mile

How could I not be a conduit of this video. We don't watch TV and I rarely see the news. I didn't even know the miners were down there for 69 days. You think your little life difficulty is a doozy? Can you imagine being trapped for 69 days, not sure if you'll see your family again - the family, this little son, not sure if he'll see his father again? The tears of the boy hit me. Great great great story of human perseverance - the emotion on the engineer, for people he may/may not have known (I don't know) that are living because of his ability to build something to get them out & home. Fabulous.

MSNBC: Save money on groceries

Wow, we are doing several things right! And my grocery list is NOT on a post it note :) How to save money on your groceries. When you have 5 kids and 1.5 income, you figure this stuff out REAL quick!

Siblings: Parenthood

Eldest daughter the caretaker. 2nd child the fixer. 3rd child (baby?) - spoiled! :)

"Your kids are not all the same. You cannot raise them exactly the same, you must raise them as individuals"

"My sister & I, like chocolate and vanilla. Not the same at all."

Having Teens...by Parenthood

"No one told me how much children would eat!"
"Life before was a lot more free..and less expensive!"
"Raising a step daughter wasn't what I expected parenthood to be. There are 4 parents involved, not the same."
"You can't control everything, some you can, a lot you can't"
"Teens get to a point that they think they (themselves) are pretty great, they know everything and their parents are...idiots. Then they come back around and thing "wow, they (parents) are pretty great""

Your Kids Greatest Fan

What a great NBC Web Exclusive. Being your kids fan. I love it. And I am.

O'Bama's Press Conference

I think this actually is a great press conference. I liked what he had to say and he kept my interest. The presentation I felt was more genuine than the typical political speech. I found myself agreeing with him on several points. Enjoy.

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Afghanistan fallen return to families (MSN)

How could I not share this news story -

In the summer twilight, a crowd gathers on a baseball diamond in Seattle, candles in hand, to remember a sailor who not long ago ran this dusty path.

In a California church, a young widow reunites with friends she saw just nine months ago at her wedding — this time, though, they've come to bid farewell to her soldier-husband.

And in a Tennessee high school, a family friend remembers the eager boy who grew up counting the days until he could don an Army uniform.

Day after day, the war in Afghanistan comes home.

The ritual has grown agonizingly familiar: The transfer of the fallen at Dover Air Force Base, then the journey to a final resting place. Some families have mourned privately; others have found comfort in the public embrace of their neighbors. In Burnet, Texas, in Owensville, Ohio, in Jacksonville, Ill., townsfolk have lined the streets in respectful silence to honor the return of the departed.

Last month, the nation marked a milestone in Afghanistan: The loss of 66 U.S. troops made July the deadliest month in the nearly 9-year-old war. Many were killed by roadside bombs.

That spike in violence stirred new debate about the war — but for 66 families, it was no time for punditry or political debate.

Instead, it was time for an Arkansas father to celebrate his 20-year-old son, finding some comfort, he said, in the knowledge that "God had other plans." Time for friends of a Minnesota graduate of West Point to recall his favorite words from Thornton Wilder: "Goodbye, world!... Goodbye to clocks ticking ... and Mama's sunflowers — and food and coffee... and sleeping and waking up! — Oh, earth, you're too wonderful for anyone to realize you!"

Time, too, to reflect on dreams — a cross-country trip, a firefighting career, buying a plot of land — now sadly set aside.

More than 450 weeks have passed since the fighting in Afghanistan began.

This is how goodbye was said in one painful week in August.

'He brought joy and laughter'
The candles flickered as the sun was setting in a west Seattle baseball park one recent Tuesday as 200 people crowded around the infield to honor 25-year-old Jarod Newlove, killed with a second sailor after they disappeared miles from their base in a dangerous area of Afghanistan known to be a Taliban stronghold.

The mourners stood on the spot where Newlove had played second base for the Chief Sealth International High School Seahawks. And they signed two memorial banners. "You're home safe now J," one person scrawled.

After the tributes, some who knew Newlove best reminisced.

They remembered Jarod, the 140-pound wrestler who sometimes skipped practice to woo another student, Kim, who became his wife. The jokester whose grades sagged, then rebounded. The young man who needed tough love but found his way and "became a man" in the Navy, said Dave Rosario, his wrestling coach.

Newlove's best friend, Garrett Rochon, met Jarod in sixth grade. They became inseparable as teens, joined the Navy, became young fathers (he's godfather to Newlove's daughter) and took their families to the zoo in San Diego when stationed there.

"He loved his family and my family, like they were his own," Rochon said. "Whoever he connected with, he brought joy and laughter."

Rochon's wife, Tabatha, can't help but think of Newlove's year-old son and 3-year-old daughter. "They don't have a chance to know who he really was," she said.

'He was — IS — my soul mate'
On this same night, there was another gathering in a California home. Friends and family of Staff Sgt. Kyle Warren shared stories about the 28-year-old member of the Army's Special Forces, a red-bearded bear of a man — 6'4" and 250 pounds, size 14 shoe and a lust for life that matched his size.

He loved sports. He played baseball, soccer, football and rugby, excelling at all. He was a fierce competitor, whether it was on the line of scrimmage or in front of a Monopoly board (one Army pal recalled he wasn't happy unless he was the banker).

He adored dogs, too, and jokingly sparred with his wife, Sandra, about letting their golden retriever, Cincinnati, sleep with them on their white sheets.

Warren's ebullience, though, sometimes sidetracked him. His father joked he was on "the seven-year plan" at Northern Arizona University and cut off his share of tuition payments after two years. Warren dropped out and moved to Manchester, N.H., to join his mother. He met Sandra there and they dated for six years.

But Warren pursued her with the same passion that guided everything he did.

"I had my doubts," Sandra recalled in a phone interview, noting long stretches when he was away in training or deployed. "But he was always the one who said, 'No, this is it. We're meant for each other.' I felt protected with him. That was the sense that I got from him and when he hugged me, I felt like nothing in the world could ever hurt me."

They wed last November with a reception in a New Hampshire vineyard.

"We wanted to make sure that we had the bond ... and that's why this is so difficult for me because he was — IS — my soul mate. I know it's easy to say, but it's true," she said. "Yes, we had our fights and arguments, but at the end of the day, we loved each other and that's all that mattered."

Army medic was on second Afghanistan tour
Warren's death from a bomb came just two weeks into his second tour in Afghanistan.

In his first deployment, Warren, a medic, helped host a weekly health clinic for villagers. Once when two little boys were badly injured by a roadside bomb, he stabilized them and made sure they were evacuated to a hospital. Both survived.

Warren planned to enter the fire academy when he returned. Now Sandra thinks of all that will never be.

"I feel robbed of my life, of our life, all the plans that we had, the family that we wanted," she said. "Everything has been taken."

Days after the family gathering, Warren's funeral was held at the church in Redondo Beach, Calif., where he was baptized. A friend read some words on behalf of Del Warren, the sergeant's father.

"Kyle was smart, handsome, funny and so generous and loving," he said of his only child. "Whatever he had or whatever he knew, he would gladly share it with anyone who asked. ... I thought my son was invincible. I was wrong. I have a wound that will never heal."

Warren was buried near his beloved grandfather, "Papa Pete." He had made that request in his will.

Family members placed single, white long-stemmed roses on the casket before it was lowered into the ground.

Small town, big loss
Yellow roses awaited the return of Capt. Jason Holbrook.

On a blistering Friday afternoon, hundreds of folks from the Burnet, Texas, area stood along the highway, holding flowers with red-white-and-blue streamers and small American flags provided by the local grocery. They watched the county sheriff lead a somber procession from the airport to the funeral home.

Holbrook, a West Point grad and member of the Army's Special Forces, was killed with Kyle Warren. He, too, was 28.

Charles Goble, a family friend, helped organize the tribute. Burnet is a small town, too small for six degrees of separation. People here are closer than that. Goble's father and Holbrook's father were in the same VFW and American Legion chapters; his stepdaughter was Holbrook's classmate.

Goble remembers a quiet young man who loved to fish but who also had bursts of spontaneity — such as the time on a school bus when he suddenly started singing "I'm Henery the Eighth, I Am."

"He would just do funny, outrageous things," Goble said.

And yet, he was mature, even as a boy. "He was the kind of kid who even at an early age, he could tell when something needed to be done without someone telling him," Goble said. "Jason was just exceptional."

All those memories sustained Goble as he stood on U.S. Highway 281, watching Holbrook's casket approach in a white hearse. "When I saw his father and mother drive by, that's when I lost it," he said.

Third-generation Marine
That same day, nearly 1,400 miles away in Williamsport, Pa., they said farewell to Lance Cpl. Abram LaRue Howard.

About 1,000 mourners filled St. Joseph the Worker Parish Annunciation Church; another 500 watched on video from a chapel next door as the 21-year-old Marine was eulogized.

"He took friends under his wing during their trying times and helped them through their tough situations," said Christopher Bain, a family friend and injured Iraq war vet who read a eulogy written by Joseph Dincher, Howard's uncle. "So many times we heard how Abe was there from the beginning to the end. Never judging a person on the mistakes they made, but helping them through their situation and leading them in a better direction."

Howard was on patrol with Afghan police trainees when he left his vehicle after hearing reports of Taliban activity in the area. He was hit by a roadside bomb, according to family. His father, Bart, had helped his son buy top-of-the-line body armor, but Howard was apparently struck in an unprotected area of the upper torso.

Days before, thousands had paid their respects in a nine-hour viewing at Howard's high school, filing past his open casket on the stage where he'd played bass guitar for the school orchestra not long ago. His battered football helmet and No. 50 jersey were on display, too.

Howard was not just a musician and athlete. He was a hunter, a poet, a Roman Catholic who led his platoon in reading Scripture before and after patrol.

And, just liked his father, uncle and grandfather before him, a Marine.

Soldier 'always dreamed about being in the Army'
In Ohio, yellow ribbons tied around light poles marked the path home for Army Spc. Joseph Bauer.

On a Saturday afternoon, Bauer's widow, Misty, stood in a Cincinnati funeral home next to a display of photos, several featuring her husband in a Cincinnati Bengals jersey; another in a prized Ken Griffey Jr. Reds' jersey in Army camouflage pattern.

Bauer, 27, was deployed to Afghanistan last October. His barracks were decorated with Bengals paraphernalia but it was hard to follow his favorite team as they made their push into NFL playoffs. When he was in remote areas and had limited time to talk, Misty recalled, he'd say two things: "I love you" and "Tell me the Bengals' score!"

Bauer had recently reenlisted. He planned to make the Army his career.

He was part of an extended family that includes five brothers and two sisters, four half-sisters, a half brother, a stepsister and a stepbrother.

"He loved his family," Misty said.

Michael Stansbery was a family man, too, a homebody who liked nothing more than being with his sister and parents.

The third generation to wear a uniform, Stansbery had declared his intentions long ago — in first-grade, to be precise. He'd written a letter that said: "I will be in the Army, I will go to battle and have a bunch of men with me to help. I will go to the ocean and save someone from trouble."

Those words were read at his memorial service.

"Mike ... always dreamed about being in the Army," said family friend John Jankowich, who noted Stansbery had reenlisted after a tour in Iraq, expecting to be redeployed. "He couldn't wait to go. ... He never talked about being afraid. He said he was where he was supposed to be. He didn't sugarcoat things, but he didn't complain."

'He loved the team'
On a recent Sunday, Jankowich joined hundreds in the gym of Wilson Central High School in Lebanon, Tenn. — the place Stansbery had wrestled and practiced drills as a member of the Junior ROTC. They watched a slide show spanning Michael's 21 years, from a photo of him as a baby in his father's arms to one as a young soldier, helmet on, smiling, thumbs up.

Bryan White, his head wrestling coach, remembered a dedicated kid who wasn't the greatest on the mats, but compensated by being a great teammate and fundraiser who gave his all.

"That's why he was one of the best wrestlers I ever had," he said. "He loved the team; he loved belonging to the team."

Sgt. Chris Mauro, who'd worked with Stansbery at Fort Carson, Colo., recalled his ability to juggle the serious, his soldier's duties, with the frivolous, his fascination with anime, or Japanese animation.

"There were times I would go up and do barracks checks to see how he was doing," Mauro said. "He'd be playing 'Final Fantasy' on one TV, watching cartoons on another and had his training manual in his lap. He would do all that at the same time."

From South Africa to the U.S. Marines
Shane Martin liked to joke he was so American he got married on July 4th.

In fact, it was just a coincidence. As was Sept. 11, 2007, the day he was sworn in as a Marine.

Martin, a native of South Africa, became a U.S. citizen in an unforgettable way: a naturalization ceremony at one of Saddam Hussein's palaces during his first tour in Iraq. He was killed on his second deployment, in Afghanistan.

And when he was laid to rest, Marine pallbearers escorted his casket into church while the choir sang "America the Beautiful."

Martin, a 23-year-old lance corporal, had started adult life on a different course. He loved to draw, using charcoal and oils. He was studying web design at the Art Institute of Houston when he shifted to the Marines.

It all made sense.

Martin, who moved to the United States at age 12, was a military history buff with a family legacy of service, said his aunt, Amanda Brock. "It wasn't that he wanted to go to war for war's sake ... but he did believe that, if needed, you were required to protect," she said.

'It's as if he had his own magnetic field'
Martin had recently resumed drawing and had asked that art supplies be mailed to him — though what he really loved were care packages stuffed with Oreos, onion rings, cinnamon buns and other junk food.

At his funeral, nearly 600 mourners at Prince of Peace Catholic Community church in Houston viewed photos of a young man with bright, blond hair and a wide, easy smile — as a boy at Disneyland on his first trip to America, as a groom feeding cake to his bride, Lauren, at their 2008 wedding, as a soldier in Iraq.

Martin was buried with pieces of rock from cherished places — his childhood home in Durban, South Africa; an annual vacation spot, Destin, Fla.; his family ranch and his wife's house in Texas. Each family member also wrote a letter.

His 14-year-old sister, Diane Wallace, spoke of his charisma.

"It's as if he had his own magnetic field — everybody wanted to be around him," she said from the pulpit.

Martin's 23-year-old widow, Lauren, talked of their eternal bond in her eulogy

"Shane was my greatest love and best friend. He IS my soul mate," she said, her eyes briefly tearing up, "and he was my protector."

Then turning her gaze to the casket, she said:

"I am forever proud to call you my husband and the wife of a U.S. Marine. I am so proud of you. I love you, handsome. Wait for me."

Solemn duty at Dover
Before dawn the following day, soldiers and Marines at Dover Air Force Base in Delaware performed a solemn duty.

In the inky darkness, they carried the latest casualties of the war in Afghanistan down the ramp of a transport plane.

In the first two weeks of August, 12 Americans troops have died.

Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38750893/ns/us_news-life

First-borns really are smarter

Well, I hope someone is learning from the obstacles I've overcome in my life :)

SAN DIEGO — Birth order within families has long sparked sibling rivalry, but it might also impact the child's personality and intelligence, a new study suggests. First-borns are typically smarter, while younger siblings get better grades and are more outgoing, the researchers say.

The findings weigh in on a long-standing debate: What effect if any does birth orderhave on a person's life? While numerous studies have been conducted, researchers have yet to draw any definitive conclusions.

The results lend support to some previous hypotheses — for instance, that the eldest sibling tends to have higher aptitude. But the study also contradicts other proposed ideas, for example, that first-borns tend to be more extroverted.

The findings shed light on the influence of sibling relationships, which often receives less attention compared with that of the mother-child or father-child relationship, said Tiffany L. Frank, a doctoral candidate at Adelphi University in Long Island, N.Y., who lead the study.

They also suggest some inherent differences between siblings exist, differences that might arise no matter what parents do. "While parents might want to treat each child equally, it's almost impossible," Frank said here at the 118th Annual Convention of the American Psychological Association.

More must-see stories Worried about how much your kid worries?
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Our foot woes start with ugly toes Science explains the gross-out comedy Sibling rivalries
Most previous studies on the influence of birth order have looked at children from different families. For instance, some studies have looked at U.S. presidents, Nobel Laureates or NASA astronauts to see whether they are mostly first-born children or later born children.U.S. presidents and science Nobel Laureates were found to be overwhelmingly first-borns, as were 21 of the first 23 NASA astronauts. However, these studies cannot take into account influences that arise from children being in the same family, such as the competition that might exist between siblings, Frank said.

In addition, most previous studies have asked subjects to think back to their childhood or adolescence, a method that might lead to inaccuracies if subjects misremember their past.

In the current study, Frank and her colleagues surveyed 90 pairs of siblings in high school. Subjects were asked to report their grades and rank themselves as compared with their siblings on intelligence, work ethic and academic performance. The researchers also obtained academic tests scores and grades to verify the students' own reports.

While the first-born tended to do better on measures of intelligence, the younger siblings had higher overall grade point averages.

Anxious Monkeys Shed Light on Human Temperament Part of Stomach Removed Through Patient's Mouth Fast-Food Should Be Served with Fat-Busting Meds, Study Says New Ovarian Cancer Test Shows Promise First-borns might score higher on tests because, at some point in their lives, they were only children who were the sole recipients of their parents' attention.

Younger siblings might earn better grades, because they received mentoring from first-borns who already had to tackle certain subjects, the researchers say. Also, later born children might feel extra pressure to be competitive, and might try to out-do their older siblings in the hopes of gaining extra attention from parents.

In a second experiment researchers looked at differences in personality between 76 pairs of siblings in high school. Subjects rated themselves on a series of statements designed to assess personality.

Later born siblings were found to be more extroverted (sociable, outgoing), sentimental, forgiving and open to new experiences than their older siblings. First-borns were found to be more perfectionistic than their younger siblings.

The youngsters might also be more open to new experiences, because they "see the obstacles that their older siblings have overcome and therefore feel more secure in challenging themselves," the researchers say.

Frank conducted the work with Hannah Turenshine and Stephen J. Sullivan of Lawrence High School in Cedarhurst, N.Y.

Cell Phone before Kids? MSNBC

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Kids & Caffiene - MSNBC

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Types of Depression UNIQUE TO WOMEN

In addition to the major types of depression that affect men and women, women also suffer from unique types of depression due to their special physiology and hormones. Estrogen, the “female sex hormone,” affects more than 300 functions in a woman’s body including regulating menstrual cycles, protecting the heart and maintaining strong bones. The fluctuating levels of estrogen during menstrual cycles, pregnancy and menopause may impact mood and, in severe cases, trigger depressive episodes.

Unfortunately, these types of depressive episodes in women and girls often are blamed on “being moody,” “that time of the month,” or “the change” and go untreated. It is time to get beyond stereotypes that prevent women from getting medical help:

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) can be treated or prevented — there is no reason why women need to suffer so needlessly and frequently.
More than half of the women suffering from postpartum depression will experience it again with the birth of another child. It is critical to identify this danger and treat it early.
Rates of suicide for women are highest during the perimenopausal years; these are tragically shortened lives, considering women now live a third of their lives after menopause.
Recent research shows that women’s biology differs from men’s in many more ways than previously thought and these physical differences (such as different levels of estrogen, serotonin, cortisol and melatonin) are beginning to provide clues to why women are so much more susceptible to depression as well as a special type of depression called Seasonal Affective Disorder
Stress plays a major role in depression, and it may be that women and men respond to stress differently — while women are more likely to suffer from “emotional ailments” such as depression, anxiety attacks and eating disorders, men are much more likely to act out aggressively and abuse drugs and alcohol.
Women’s fluctuating hormone levels during menstrual cycles, after childbirth, and during menopause contribute to forms of depression unique to women including Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS), Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), Postpartum Depression, and Perimenopausal Depression. The good news is that research is helping us to understand the biological factors for depression in women and identify ways to treat and prevent it. A woman may suffer from depression at any point during her life. Like depression in men, the underlying cause of depression in women is a combination of changes in brain chemistry, stress, trauma and genetics.
The major types of treatment for depression are the same for women and men. Women who have suffered sexual traumas (such as rape and incest) may want to work with a therapist who has training and expertise in this area.

In addition, a woman’s unique biology may predispose her to unique forms of depression not found in men.

The Power of Thought

One of the most common types of skills learned in psychotherapy today focuses on our thinking. Unbeknownst to many of us, we often engage in internal conversations with ourselves throughout the day. Unless we’re trained to examine these conversations, however, many of us don’t even realize we’re having them! For instance, imagine looking in the mirror at yourself. What’s the first thing you think when you look at yourself? That thought is a part of our internal conversation.

Having these kinds of conversations with yourself is perfectly normal and in fact, everybody does it. Where we mess up in our lives is when we let these conversations take on a life of their own. If we answer ourselves in the above example with something like, “I’m fat and ugly and nobody loves me,” that’s an example of “stinkin’ thinkin’.” Our thoughts have taken on an unhealthy attitude, one that is working against us instead of for us. Psychologists would call these thoughts “irrational,” because they have little or no basis in reality. For instance, the reality is that most everyone is loved by someone (even if they’re no longer with us), and that a lot of our beauty springs from inside us — our personality.

It is exactly these kinds of thoughts that you can learn to identify as you go through your day. Often times it will be helpful to keep a little journal of the thoughts, writing down the day and time you had it, the thought itself, and the type of irrational thought — or stinkin’ thinkin’ — from the list below. As you learn to better identify them, you can then learn how to start answering them back with rational arguments. In this manner, you can work to turn your internal conversation back to being a positive in your life, instead of a running negative commentary.

1. All-or-nothing thinking – You see things in black-or-white categories. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure. When a young woman on a diet ate a spoonful of ice cream, she told herself, “I’ve blown my diet completely.” This thought upset her so much that she gobbled down an entire quart of ice cream.

2. Overgeneralization – You see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as “always” or “never” when you think about it. A depressed salesman became terribly upset when he noticed bird dung on the window of his car. He told himself, “Just my luck! Birds are always crapping on my car!”

3. Mental Filter – You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors a beaker of water. Example: You receive many positive comments about your presentation to a group of associates at work, but one of them says something mildly critical. You obsess about his reaction for days and ignore all the positive feedback.

4. Discounting the positive – You reject positive experiences by insisting that they “don’t count.” If you do a good job, you may tell yourself that it wasn’t good enough or that anyone could have done as well. Discounting the positives takes the joy out of life and makes you feel inadequate and unrewarded.

5. Jumping to conclusions – You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion.

Mind Reading : Without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you.

Fortune-telling : You predict that things will turn out badly. Before a test you may tell yourself, “I’m really going to blow it. What if I flunk?” If you’re depressed you may tell yourself, “I’ll never get better.”

6. Magnification – You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings, or you minimize the importance of your desirable qualities. This is also called the “binocular trick.”

7. Emotional Reasoning – You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel terrified about going on airplanes. It must be very dangerous to fly.” Or, “I feel guilty. I must be a rotten person.” Or, “I feel angry. This proves that I’m being treated unfairly.” Or, “I feel so inferior. This means I’m a second rate person.” Or, “I feel hopeless. I must really be hopeless.”

8. “Should” statements – You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. After playing a difficult piece on the piano, a gifted pianist told herself, “I shouldn’t have made so many mistakes.” This made her feel so disgusted that she quit practicing for several days. “Musts,” “oughts” and “have tos” are similar offenders.

“Should statements” that are directed against yourself lead to guilt and frustration. Should statements that are directed against other people or the world in general, lead to anger and frustration: “He shouldn’t be so stubborn and argumentative!”

Many people try to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they were delinquents who had to be punished before they could be expected to do anything. “I shouldn’t eat that doughnut.” This usually doesn’t work because all these shoulds and musts make you feel rebellious and you get the urge to do just the opposite. Dr. Albert Ellis has called this ” must erbation.” I call it the “shouldy” approach to life.

9. Labeling – Labeling is an extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking. Instead of saying “I made a mistake,” you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” You might also label yourself “a fool” or “a failure” or “a jerk.” Labeling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Human beings exist, but “fools,” “losers” and “jerks” do not. These labels are just useless abstractions that lead to anger, anxiety, frustration and low self-esteem.

You may also label others. When someone does something that rubs you the wrong way, you may tell yourself: “He’s an S.O.B.” Then you feel that the problem is with that person’s “character” or “essence” instead of with their thinking or behavior. You see them as totally bad. This makes you feel hostile and hopeless about improving things and leaves very little room for constructive communication.

10. Personalization and Blame - Personalization comes when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn’t entirely under your control. When a woman received a note that her child was having difficulty in school, she told herself, “This shows what a bad mother I am,” instead of trying to pinpoint the cause of the problem so that she could be helpful to her child. When another woman’s husband beat her, she told herself, “If only I was better in bed, he wouldn’t beat me.” Personalization leads to guilt, shame and feelings of inadequacy.

Some people do the opposite. They blame other people or their circumstances for their problems, and they overlook ways they might be contributing to the problem: “The reason my marriage is so lousy is because my spouse is totally unreasonable.” Blame usually doesn’t work very well because other people will resent being scapegoated and they will just toss the blame right back in your lap. It’s like the game of hot potato–no one wants to get stuck with it.

Parts of this article were exercepted from the book, “The Feeling Good Handbook” by David D. Burns, M.D. © 1989.

America's Most Popular Prescription Drugs

Rebecca's Side:

I don't think it's a secret that I don't trust the pharmaceutical companies or immediately accept a doctors prescription as the best medicine. As I've aged I've discovered that these drugs are not always for my best interest and have experienced first hand the effects of narcotics on a family, while the physician continued to prescribe, with no accountability. I am often surprised to find much of the general public do not question or investigate drugs released for the market and pushed, especially for our children -(i.e. H1N1 vaccine w/mercury, pushed very hard to the public with fear advertising tactics & much of the vaccine given here in WA proved to be impotent anyway so mercury was injected into children in the chaos of the public "crisis" to "protect" ourselves). Don't get me started.

If you spend even an hour or so researching addiction, you will find we are living in a period of time where addiction is rampant and prescription pain medication deaths have superseded motor vehicle deaths. If you should see tin foil on the floor of a teenagers car, it could be the remnants of the new way to smoke Oxycontin. Look for Sharpie appearing black lines across the tin foil. They suck the coating off the drugs & then heat the drug up with a match under the tin foil and inhale the fumes with a straw. As the pill pushes across the tin foil, it creates a thick black "snail trail". This is only one of the new drug uses the street drug market have developed for us and our children. Vicodin, Oxycontin, Percocet.. etc all have a great street value. Meth - creates a feeling of orgasm in the stomach. The study of the effects of sexual contact on a brain shows that it creates a pattern between the neurotransmitters in the brain. The brain feeds off those connections. Craves more. Meth produces this feeling, which is why it's highly addictive. Combined with being incredibly cheap to produce, it's become a new drug of choice. Marijuana - 20 years ago, 10 years ago, it used to take an entire joint to get high. Today's Marijuana, 2 puffs and the user has the desired effect. It's not the 60's our parents parents worried about. It's not just the cars & planes & life that has sped up. The drug industry - legal & illegal - is trying to keep up as well, with faster ways to hook us and our children at younger ages. And, yes, at times, drugs are given to the public with a little bit of testing and the consequences are not realized for a decade afterwards. This is common sense people. And we are sheep for the herding.

Doctors receive these medications from companies that are driven by sales. Not by our health, but by their billion dollar industry. Since this is an area of interest for us, I have made an effort to educate myself to protect our children and ourselves. I recently took McKenna to urgent care for a migraine. We were hearded in & out like a cattle drive. The doctor readily handed us a prescription for Tylenol with Codeine. Now many of you are going to think so what? but this is a 14 year old girl who, the last thing she needs, is the introduction of an opiate drug. Later her pediatrician commended me for my decision and gave me a plan to treat her migraines with non addictive meds. This should be the first step for anyone, especially for a child. Especially for a teenager who's brain is in the most important part of developing! Drugs wreak havoc with the developing adolescent brain, of which if it is stunted, there is not a recovery of the lost development.

I am not saying pain medications don't have their uses. They do and I've used them after having a C-Section, oral surgery. I am saying that they are highly addictive. An alcoholic doesn't become an alcoholic with the first drink. It takes time, repeated exposure that creates a need physically, mentally for the substance. Unfortunately, I think we can all realize the age alot of substance abuse starts. Adolescence. The hook sets in early on during that formative part of development. And it is highly effective. Some of these drugs like Meth & Heroine are addictive from the first use (Meth has surpassed Heroine use due to it's availability, ease to make & affordability). One try and the user, the KID, is hooked. One doesn't think about the tens of thousands of dollars rehab can cost. Or the actual % of people that actually rehabilitate. The last statistic I heard was 5%. Staggeringly low. Creates a feeling of hopelessness, should one become addicted or have a loved one hooked.

This is not a game we are playing with ourselves or our kids. Yet media and the industries profiting off of our use would have us believe it's no big deal. So I encourage you to arm yourselves with knowledge & protect yourself, protect the next generation from being manipulated to addiction. From allowing someone else or some substance to control their developing minds. (this includes the internet, media, entertainment, all things that effect our brain connectivity, but that's another blog...).

So here's MSN's article today on the top 5 prescribed drugs today. # 1 - Vicodin.

A narcotic painkiller tops Forbes' list of the most prescribed medicines.
By Matthew Herper, Forbes

The most popular medicine in the U.S. was prescribed 128 million times last year, even as a panel of experts called together by the Food and Drug Administration recommended that regulators ban it.

The drug is Vicodin, a 40-year-old addictive medicine that combines the narcotic hydrocodone with acetaminophen, the active ingredient in Tylenol; the prescription tally also includes numerous generic versions. It is emblematic of the trend that emerges from our look at the most popular prescription pills: the death of the blockbuster drug.

Forbes' list of the 15 most popular drugs comes from IMS Health, a company that tracks sales at the pharmacy level for drug companies. The list shows how medicine makers are rapidly losing their grip on the average consumer. Only one drug in the top 15, Pfizer's Lipitor, is a big-selling brand-name medication. The rest are cheap generic versions of one-time big sellers that have lost their patent protection and become commodities. Generic copies of Vicodin go for 30 cents a pill, compared to $4 per pill for Lipitor.

Vicodin is a drug that is crying out to be replaced. Vicodin has a supporting role on the television show House, M.D. because the protagonist, a Sherlock Holmes-like doctor, is hooked on it. It is particularly dangerous because when patients develop a tolerance for the narcotic they start taking too much. This can lead to liver failure from overdoses of the acetaminophen component of the combo. Most of the 400 deaths due to acetaminophen poisoning each year result from misuse of the Vicodin or similar drugs. Last June an FDA advisory panel recommended banning Vicodin. The FDA is still deciding whether to take this advice.

"People are taking this as if they're taking a strong Tylenol," says Michel Dubois, director of pain medicine at New York University Langone Medical Center. There's nothing wrong with Vicodin after a surgery or tooth extraction, he says, but it's being used too often by primary care physicians with "minimal training" in dealing with chronic pain. "It has been trivialized, and it's wrong to trivialize this strong a pain medication," he says.


The failure to replace Vicodin is not for lack of trying. Pfizer once hoped its painkiller Bextra could be an alternative. But in 2005 Bextra, a chemical cousin of Merck's Vioxx pill, was pulled from the market because it increased the risk of heart attacks and allergic skin reactions. Pfizer paid a $1.2 billion criminal fine last year for marketing Bextra for unapproved uses like dental pain. Other efforts to replace Vicodin have come up short. Vicodin-maker Abbott Laboratories worked for years on a delayed release formulation but has not been able to get it through the FDA.

The second most popular drug in the U.S. is generic Zocor, or simvastatin. The cholesterol-lowering drug was once Merck's biggest seller, but Merck lost its patent protection in 2006. Doctors prescribed it 83 million times last year. One reason: It is proven to save lives, and it costs only $1 a pill, far less than Lipitor.

Zocor used to play second fiddle to Lipitor but became more popular after it went generic and health insurers pushed it as a cheaper option. Merck, Pfizer and others tried to develop new types of cholesterol drugs with little success; the cholesterol drug market is now dominated by generics.

Lipitor still wracks up $7.5 billion in annual sales, more than any other drug but only ranks seventh by popularity, with 51.1 million prescriptions last year, down from 75 million in 2005. The second-biggest seller by dollar sales is the heartburn drug Nexium from AstraZeneca. But it is a lackluster No. 19 in popularity. Overall, only eight of the 50 most popular drugs are still branded, compared to 20 in 2003, IMS says; 75 percent of all prescriptions are for generic drugs.

The third most popular drug, with 81.3 million prescriptions, is the blood-pressure-lowering medicine lisinopril, which used to be sold under the brand names Zestril and Prinivil. Overall, six of the top 15 most prescribed meds are blood-pressure-lowering drugs. There are so many good generic blood pressure drugs that it is difficult for brand-name drugmakers to improve upon them.

The No. 5 drug, azithromycin, is the generic version of Pfizer's popular antibiotic Zithromax. It tallied 53 million prescriptions last year. Like Vicodin, it's a much maligned medicine whose popularity was once blamed on overmarketing. It's not being advertised to doctors or consumers anymore, but it's still overused.

Brand name drug companies are inventing fewer drugs—a third as many were approved in 2009 as in 1999—and the ones they are inventing aren't selling. The last good year for new medicines was in 2006. Drugs launched that year generated $1.2 billion in first-year sales, says IMS. In none of the years since have drugmakers come close to this figure.

Companies are responding by trying to focus on medicines they can sell to small numbers of people at a higher price for rarer diseases like cancer, multiple sclerosis and ultra-rare genetic diseases. Ironically, that may include the next big painkiller: an injected protein drug that blocks nerve growth. It is being developed by Pfizer and could hit the market in a couple years.

The Top 5:

Hydrocodone/acetaminophen (painkiller)
Simvastatin (high cholesterol)
Lisinopril (high blood pressure)
Levothyroxine (thyroid disorders)
Azithromycin (antibiotic)

The sign that the End is near

Two articles came across my path recently. And they set my teeth a gritting.

The first was an article about what accounts for infidelity. Seriously, expecting some words of wisdom and slap you around advice (like, you have to ask this?), I skimmed the article. Wait, slow down, because it didn't really say that. Oh yes it did. Infidelity is whatever you & your spouse agree it to be. If you and your partner agree that having an open sexual relationship is okay, then it's okay. If you're not in to that but they are and you feel comfortable with their extra sexual activities, have at it.

Unsubscribe to those life tips thank you very much. And we wonder what is wrong with the world today. Our grandparents thought the 60's were bad? Free everything and tolerance for any open behavior runs rampant and people are afraid to stand up and say NO and that's enough. What, if any, values - or examples of values - are being left for our children & their children?


Next is today's MSN article about this new growling female title - The Cougar. The first time I heard that term (because I am still very sheltered apparently) was in September. From my husband, who enlightened me. Whatever. Since then, it's become the new standard we women, approaching middle age, have to live up to. Demi Moore in her fabulous beauty at 47 is our goal. Including the many years younger boy toy she married. The article talks about the problems arising from the New Cougars taking the nation. The problems arising - for their own daughters, as these vivacious mothers seek out their high school boy "friends" to hook up with.

This makes me physically ill. I enjoyed thinking "this kids a punk" watching some of the boys recently - and enjoyed the realization that, yes, I've finally become my mother (thanks MOM!) and a parent that can recognize a punk (similar to the punks I dated) when I see one. I enjoyed actually being an ADULT and not WANTING to date the punk any longer. For Pete's sake.

Get over yourselves! Yes we want to always be our best, beautiful, sexy (heck yes), attractive, fit, alive - and at times, downright Hot. We don't grow out of that secretly. But draw the line! Draw the line! Now it's acceptable for these poor 40+ something women to prowl their teenage daughters friends, because they've given themselves to wifeyhood & motherhood too long and missed their youth, so their trumping their adolescent daughter's? (Oh, so sad - anyone got a hanky? I feel a tear..)

And the advice? for the daughters?


1) Have Girl Time. 2) Tell her what you need. 3) Dont' give up.


Hear my dripping sarcasm as I type the advice. How about get your mom some sex addict therapy and a lobotomy. This is the advice MOM's and PARENTS get to bond with their teens as they go through adolescence.

You need a license to have a pet but you don't need anything to be a parent. Wait, these aren't parents... maybe the kids should have a license to attempt to raise their mothers?

10 things credit card issuers don't say

1. "We're waiting for you to screw up."

Despite new credit card rules, there are still many factors that can cause a credit-card issuer to raise your interest rate. Among them is when a lender reviews your credit history and decides to change the terms of your credit card after it's informed that you missed a payment with another credit issuer.

The Credit Card Accountability Responsibility and Disclosure Act does offer consumers some protection here, though. Should your credit-card issuer change the terms on your credit card, in most cases it can do so only for purchases going forward, not the balance you're already carrying.


Credit card horror stories
The credit-card industry claims that what it's doing is managing risk. "Prior to these reforms, most of the larger issuers would review risk profiles on average every 90 days," says Peter Garuccio, a spokesman for the American Bankers Association, a trade group. He says many of them build their own risk models, basing them on reports from the credit bureaus. He anticipates that this practice will continue. "It's a matter of sound underwriting," Garuccio says.

2. "We'll give you advance notice -- but your options are limited."

With the Credit CARD Act, issuers need to give you at least 45 days' advance notice before making a significant change to your account.

"The key is the flexibility with which they can apply any change to a customer's profile," says Garuccio, explaining that the customer has the right now to reject any new terms a credit card issuer plans to impose. If a customer rejects the changes, the issuer can either maintain the account under the existing terms until its expiration date or close the account. Either way, the customer is responsible for paying off any balance under the original terms.

The options for consumers are limited. Shutting down a credit card will lower a credit score, while the alternative often means having a card with a higher interest rate.

3. "When it comes to identity theft, you're at risk."

Credit cards are a common gateway for identity theft, and it's almost impossible for consumers to be certain that their identifying information won't be compromised, says Murray Jennex, an associate professor of information security and information systems at San Diego State University. But there are some basic steps you can take to minimize the chances.

Before you give your credit card information to a Web site, make sure it's secure; look for a URL beginning with "https://" and for the image of a padlock by the Web address. Don't store personal information online, and update your computer's antivirus software each year.

Also, don't respond to e-mails requesting your personal information and don't click on links included in them. "Your bank won't contact you in an e-mail asking for this," says Margot Mohsberg, an ABA spokeswoman. And if there's a link in the e-mail, "just by clicking on it, fraudsters can download 'malware' that would allow them to coast with you when you go into your bank account." If you're unsure whether the source is actually your lender, call and ask.

Consumers who fear their credit card information has been compromised should immediately notify the issuer and, if possible, file a police report. In most cases, credit card issuers will work with you; while you will likely be liable for the first $50 of unauthorized charges, the issuer typically covers the rest of the losses. Mohsberg says that credit card issuers are increasingly waiving the $50 payment. They've "found it's not worth it to charge customers that amount of money; it's much better for the company to completely reimburse that fee and to ensure consumer trust."

4. "We haven't forgotten about your kids."

Many of the new credit card rules are geared toward protecting those under 21 years old. But don't think the rules will keep credit card issuers at a distance.

For example, issuers no longer can give free stuff to college students in exchange for filling out credit card applications on college campuses or at college-sponsored events. But issuers can still give out those freebies as long as they don't require students to sign up for a credit card to get them. Representatives of Citigroup and Bank of America say their banks aren't doing this.

5. "Our rewards can throw you off track."

In the credit card marketplace, rewards are a way for issuers to target niche audiences -- frequent fliers, for instance. Before signing up, figure out how much you'd have to spend to earn the incentives from a given card and if the card is geared toward your spending habits. And check to see if rewards on specific purchases are offered throughout the year; some credit cards rotate their rewards every few months, says Gail Cunningham, a spokeswoman for the National Foundation for Credit Counseling. With rewards cards that offer cash back, find out if the amount you can earn has a ceiling. And for cards with travel rewards, inquire about blackout dates and other limits.

Consumers who are approved for these credit cards should also avoid carrying balances, because interest payments can eat into savings, cancelling out the value of the reward. "What people tend to do with rewards cards is charge everything," Cunningham says. "But if you're a person who carries a balance month to month, don't consider (such a card), because you'll be paying interest on it and probably not gaining the rewards you should."

6. "Deferred-interest plans can leave you worse off than when you started."

Stores often promote deferred-interest credit card plans with the sale of big ticket items like furniture, electronics and watches. But often these plans really are too good to be true.

Typically, such plans -- financed by a lender -- allow a consumer to purchase an item without paying interest during a promotional period, such as six or 12 months. But if the promotional period ends and the consumer hasn't paid off the balance in full, interest kicks in and the shopper is retroactively charged interest on the balance for the entire promotional period, says Chi Chi Wu, a staff attorney at the National Consumer Law Center.

Also, if a consumer is more than 60 days late with a required payment during the promotional period, the 0% interest could be replaced with retroactive interest charges. "Even if consumers understand the pitfalls, such a tactic relies on consumer optimism or failure to think of the worst," like losing a job or getting sick and being unable to make payments, says Wu.

7. "Double-cycle billing isn't entirely a thing of the past."

A big change in the Credit CARD Act is the elimination of double-cycle billing. This is a formula that computes interest charges based on the two previous billing cycles -- effectively penalizing consumers who go from paying off their balance in the first month to carrying a balance in the second.

However, if your card doesn't have a grace period -- the period in which an issuer allows a cardholder to avoid paying interest on charges by paying off the balance in full -- you still could be exposed. "The provisions against double-cycle billing apply when a credit card has a grace period, so if a credit card doesn't have (one), the rules don't apply," says Wu. For cards without a grace period, some credit card companies refund the interest if a consumer pays the balance off in full each month.

8. "We're accepted around the globe, but beware of our rates."

By now, plastic has all but replaced the traveler's check as the preferred way to make purchases abroad. But beware of the charges that accompany these transactions.

At issue is the foreign transaction fee, a charge for converting a currency into U.S. dollars. Currently, Visa and MasterCard charge a foreign transaction fee of 1% for any purchases, and most banks that issue these cards add a second fee. For example, Bank of America charges 2%; when combined with the Visa or MasterCard fee, card users end up with a fee of 3%. Foreign transaction fees are often this high, says Gerri Detweiler, a personal finance advisor at Credit.com and author of "The Ultimate Credit Handbook."

Consumers who purchase items from an online vendor based abroad are also typically charged a foreign transaction fees.

9. "Late fees are still with us."

With the Credit CARD Act, consumers should be aware of the new changes to the time their payments are due. Prior to the new rules, many banks were setting deadlines as early as 9 a.m. or as late as 2 p.m. on the payment due date. Payments are now considered on time when received by 5 p.m. on the due date. And if the due date is on a weekend or federal holiday (when payments aren't processed), the credit card issuer must consider your payment on time if it arrives on the next business day.

"This change gives you a better shot at getting your payments in on time," says Detweiler. For consumers who are late with their payments, though, issuers can still charge a late fee, which they aren't as quick to refund anymore, she says. Such fees run as high as $39 and they're not proportional to the amount owed. So a consumer who is late making a $20 payment can incur a late fee nearly twice that, she says. The Federal Reserve has a announced a proposal that includes changing the way late fees are assessed, but it remains under consideration.

10. "Go ahead and exceed your credit limit -- we like that."

With the new credit card rules, consumers have two options: Consent to be charged an over-the-limit fee or refuse to opt in and risk being denied if they try to exceed a card's limit.

You can be charged a fee of around $30 to $35 each month you're over the limit (or more if you exceed the limit with another transaction in a subsequent month), says Wu. The Fed has proposed rules to limit the amount of the "opt in" fee.

Wu says consumers have reported that credit card issuers are trying to persuade people to opt in by offering the incentive of a lower fee and implying that by opting in they'll have extra protection in case they need to use their credit card. "It's a way for credit card companies to make more money off fees, and we recommend not opting in because it will more likely hurt you," she says.

Garuccio of the ABA says he hasn't heard of credit card issuers doing this.

This article was updated and adapted from the book "1,001 Things They Won't Tell You: An Insider's Guide to Spending, Saving, and Living Wisely," by Jonathan Dahl and the editors of SmartMoney with additional reporting by Nancy Nall Deminger.

Updated March 23, 2010