You might be a parent of a teenager...

YOU MIGHT BE THE PARENT OF A TEENAGER IF…

Though I have only been living with teenagers for three years and am in no way an expert on adolescents, I have learned a thing or two about the metamorphosis from innocent tween to full-blown teen status. It can be a subtle shift, a change that sneaks up on you without advance notice. But there are some clear warning signs that signal you are now living with a teen. As a public service, I am offering the following easy assessment tool for any parent to use if for some reason you are not sure you have become the parent of a genuine, bona fide teenager.
You might be the parent of a teenager…

…If you spend more money every month on groceries, mainly consisting of pop-tarts, frozen pizza, ramen noodles, Doritos and chicken pot pies, than the Gross National Product of several third world countries;
…If you attempt to open the door to your child’s room and your entry is blocked by a mountain of wet bath towels;
…If you have suddenly lost all ability to make sense, your IQ has dropped dramatically and at times your attempts at civil conversation are considered so lame that you deserve only an eye roll in response.
You might be the parent of a teenager if you have to fight for time on your own computer.

You might be the parent of a teenager if your makeup, hair brushes and hair spray regularly disappears. Even if you only have sons.

You might be the parent of a teenager if your car’s gas tank is perpetually on empty, and can probably drive itself to the gym, the school and the pizza place on command.

If you have recently purchased any electronic item that starts with a lower case “i”, had to ask someone to explain what the initials BRB, LOL and TTYL mean; bought 3 pairs of tennis shoes in 3 different sizes in one year for the same child; and you hear a “cha-ching” sound in your head and automatically reach for your wallet whenever they approach, you might be the parent of a teenager.

You might be the parent of a teenager if you can’t get your kids to go to bed at night or get up in the morning; the decibel level for simple questions such as “Do we have any milk?” rivals that of the landing strip at O’Hare airport; and you have often chosen to completely discard an item of clothing that has resided in the dark, dingy corners of a gym bag for far too long rather than let it contaminate an entire load of wash.

This is not an all-inclusive list, of course. I have heard other descriptions that include things like body jewelry and tattoos. But, if you feel compelled to cut out this article and hang it on your refrigerator door, amidst Zits cartoons, orthodontist appointment cards and the outrageous car insurance bill, well, congratulations my friend. You truly are the parent of a teenager.

Mary Beth Weisenburger lives in Putnam County with her husband and two authentic, full-blown teenagers.

Sex Offenders & Social Networking Dangers & kids

All I have to say, is one child molested or lured in to meeting w/an offender is one too many. This article kind of alludes to the responsibility of a teenager to not go there (during a time when hormones & emotions are raging through their brain, a lot of teens are lonely, abandoned, not cared for, looking to fill some gap with their undeveloped brain, lacking the ability for logical thought)and that 100 cases isn't that bad. I don't agree with that illusion. However, there is good information re:sex offenders here so I'm including the entire article.

by Anne Collier and Larry Magid

There has been a flurry of media coverage of North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper's announcement that MySpace had found more than 29,000 registered sex offenders' profiles on its site. As shocking as this news may seem, parents of teen social networkers deserve some perspective.

Finding and expelling sexual predators from social Web sites - something MySpace says it now does routinely - is a good thing. Other social sites are similarly cooperating with law enforcement. But this announcement from North Carolina Attorney General oy Cooper (see General Cooper's "Protecting Children from MySpace," a link under "What's New" on his page) was only possible because MySpace took the initiative to develop a law-enforcement tool the federal government called for in a recently passed law but failed to create: a national sex offender database that MySpace then donated to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children for broader use.

* Beyond the Web. Sex offenders aren't just in social-networking sites online. They're in chatrooms and newsgroups, on discussion boards and file-sharing networks. They've been on the Internet since before there was a World Wide Web, long before social networking took off. Now social sites are helping to expose their online activities.

* The numbers. Let's put the 29,000 profiles in context: More will probably be found, but there are more than 190 million profiles on MySpace at the moment. Now let's move from the Net to "real life." There are 602,000 registered sex offenders in the United States. That's just registered ones - those who've been caught and convicted. The vast majority of child molesters are not strangers whom children meet online. Very, very few are strangers in real life even: According to the California Department of Justice, “90% of child victims know their offender, with almost half of the offenders being a family member. Of sexual assaults against people age 12 and up, approximately 80% of the victims know the offender."

* Actual cases. Last spring I was looking for a solid figure for sexual exploitation of minors in social-networking sites after hearing Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal's reference to "the towering danger of sexual predators" (see "Predators vs. cyberbullies"). General Cooper's office told me there were approximately 100 known cases in MySpace in 2005, but that number was based not on government statistics but a Lexis-Nexis search of news reports. That's 100 cases too many, but an extremely small proportion of the 12 million teens who use such sites, and it pales compared to the number of kids molested by acquaintances and family members.

* No kidnappings. In all those cases, a teenager willingly got together with someone he or she met online and, contrary to what many people think, the kids often knew what they were getting into and, in every known case, went to meet the offenders themselves. This doesn't excuse these crimes in any way, but parents need to understand how this victimization works and what signs to look for….

* Who's actually victimized. At a recent hearing on Capitol Hill, David Finkelhor, director of the University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center, gave a profile of what he described as a fairly typical victim of online predation: "Jenna" was 13 and "from a divorced family, frequented sex-oriented chatrooms, had the screenname 'Evilgirl.' There she met a guy who, after a number of conversations admitted he was 45. He flattered her, sent her gifts, jewelry. They talked about intimate things. And eventually he drove across several states to meet her for sex on several occasions in motel rooms. When he was arrested, in her company, she was reluctant to cooperate with law enforcement authorities" (see the full story). "Jenna" is not a typical teen or social networker; she's a typical victim of online predation, a high-risk teen offline, representing somewhere between 2% and 5% of online teens, Dr. Finkelhor indicated in a recent briefing on Capitol Hill.

* Social networking's very individual. Whether it's a positive or negative experience depends on who uses it. The vast majority of our online kids are for the most part using social sites to socialize with their friends at school. Some are decorating their pages and learning graphic design, writing software code, playing with digital photos, producing and editing video, and so on, all in a very collective way. Unfortunately, some teens are seeking the wrong kind of validation online for destructive behaviors such as eating disorders, cutting, and substance abuse. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline told us over a year ago that MySpace was its No. 1 source of referrals, so teens are also getting help in MySpace for depression, domestic violence, loneliness, and substance abuse, as well as suicidal thinking, through the work of 120 crisis centers nationwide whose work the Lifeline coordinates.

* Cyberbullying affects a lot more teens. So far two nationwide surveys in the US have found that about one-third of online teens in this country have been victimized by cyberbullying (one in Canada put the figure at about two-thirds for Canadian kids!). That's at least 8 million young people in the US (this too in "Predators vs. cyberbullies"). This peer harassment needs to be addressed, which will certainly happen at home and in school, as we teach our kids to be good friends and "citizens" online as well as off.

So let's keep these scary predator announcements in perspective. We want parents to have the facts so they can remain calm. When parents (and officials) overreact and start banning things, kids just go underground - as they have since the beginning of time. Only now they can do so online too - on hundreds of social networking sites, in IM, on phones and all sorts of other devices and at proliferating connection points in parks, libraries, cafes, and at friends' houses.

http://www.connectsafely.org/Commentaries-Staff/social-networking-dangers-in-perspective.html

Teenage Depression: Hagelin: Cultural Challenge of the Week:

www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com

The least discussed human illnesses are those that deal with the brain. Yet, so many of our young people are suffering with various brain disorders, including depression and anxiety, that I believe it is way past time that we work to help remove the stigma.

The good news is that brain disorders (also known as mental illnesses) are highly treatable in this modern era. No one who suffers should be afraid, or ashamed, or embarrassed to ask for help. But, most who suffer do not ever ask for intervention because they either don't know help exists or they fear the response from their loved ones.

Mental illnesses are largely caused by chemical imbalances -- much like diabetes is a result of an imbalance in the blood system. When someone has diabetes, we have no problem recognizing that they often need to be treated with injections of insulin. But, many in our society still can't accept the fact that medications can be the "miracle" that can make life happy and normal again for those who suffer from depression.

This is particularly true when the one who is ill is a teenager. This has got to change. That's why I have made teenage depression the focus of this week's culture challenge:

Culture Challenge of the Week: Teenage Depression

You would think that teenagers growing up in the most prosperous society in history would be abundantly joyful. Even in these economic days of woe, teenagers spend an estimated 200 billion dollars a year on trinkets, toys, music and the latest fashions.

My goodness! Compared to the rest of the world our teenagers live like royalty.

Yet, recent studies show that the rate of teenage depression and mental illness is at an all-time high. And, while the general incidence of suicide has decreased in the United States in the past 25 years, it has tripled among young people ages 15 to 24. According to the Centers for Disease Control, suicide is the third leading cause of death in adolescents.

A recent study led by San Diego State University psychology professor Jean Twenge reports that compared to high school and college students in the Great Depression era, there are five times as many youth today that suffer from anxiety and mental health issues.

The causes of depression and anxiety can range from a genetic predisposition to a variety of illnesses. And, a pop culture filled with empty messages of "love 'em and leave 'em" -- a devaluation of human life -- the fact that 40 percent of children live in a broken home and an emphasis on materialism is enough to make even the healthiest child wonder if her life really matters. The harsh reality is that children from broken homes are five-times more likely to commit suicide than their peers from intact families.

Our pop culture is preoccupied with "liberating" children and teens from their parents, churches and traditional morality -- the three anchors which contribute to the development of healthy minds and spirits. They have been replaced with the rampant promotion of pornography, a doctrine of sexual experimentation, and a self-centered view of the world as evidenced by parents who think nothing of destroying a child's world and heart through divorce. Even teens from healthy homes are often afraid to enter the world on their own with all of its ills.

Our children are crying – literally – for a change.

How to Save Your Family from being lost in depression

Real depression and brain disorders are serious illnesses that must be taken just as seriously. The worst thing you as a parent can do if you suspect that your child is suffering from what still remains the most stigmatized of human conditions is to ignore him, or tell your child to “just snap out of it.”

It's incredibly disturbing that in this beautiful nation with all of our blessings and the wonders of medical science that people -- both adults and teens -- with mental illnesses are often afraid to seek treatment. Ignorance, public scorn, and a health system that doesn't seem to recognize the need for robust mental health services are a blight on America.

If you suspect that your child is plagued by depression, find out for certain. Whether due to a genetic condition or the emptiness of our culture, such suffering requires help -- and human decency demands it.

Know the signs. According to the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (www.NAMI.org), indicators of depression include:

* feeling persistently sad or blue;

* talking about suicide or being better off dead;

* becoming suddenly much more irritable;

* having a marked deterioration in school or home functioning;

* reporting persistent physical complaints and/or making many visits to school nurses;

* failing to engage in previously pleasurable activities or interactions with friends; and

* abusing substances.



The brain is a complex organ still shrouded in mystery. What we do know is that a brain can fall ill just as easily as a heart, lung, or blood system. Medical professionals will tell you that treatment options are vast and include psychotherapy as well as medicines. What they often don’t include, however, is the critical component of spiritual counseling.

The most successful treatments are comprehensive in nature and minister to the body, mind, emotions, and spirit. To get help for your child, start by looking into the life-giving resources available at www.meierclinics.com.



Many thanks for your continued support of this newsletter and my efforts to help strengthen our family relationships. If you find these e-mails helpful, please forward them on to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. As always, they can do so for free through my Web site, www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com.

This week, why not do something special for each member of your family to remind them that you love them and are committed to them as long as you live? As you reach out in a deliberate way with a tangible act of your love, you will be one step closer to building the close relationship that you crave.

What your youth pastor and the Verizon guy have in common

Dare2Share - Greg Stier - gregstier.org

You’ve seen the commercials. The guy with the clunky glasses shows up out of nowhere with the network of people standing behind him. He gently reminds the naysayer (who is trying to scare the Verizon user with threats of “the dead zone”) that he has a network to support him.

The Verizon guy is my new favorite illustration of what youth leaders are called to be (and what’s awesome is that many of them have clunky glasses too!) Our teenagers are in “the dead zone” every day. They are getting attacked by the flesh and the world all the time. Whether it be sexual temptation, suicidal thoughts or deep-seeded anger many, if not most, of our teenagers think they are in “the dead zone” and, sometimes, they give up and give into the lies of the naysayer (one wild guess as to who he is.) The youth leader is called to show up to rebuke the naysayer and remind the teen that they are covered.

Who is supposed to be in the network that supports these teeangers as they are attacked by the lies of the naysayer?

Moms and dads: According to Deuteronomy 6 God calls parents to be the primary network of spiritual support at home. Parents are called to live out their faith authentically in front of their kids and bring up the faith consistently to their kids.

Christian adults: According to Titus 2 older men and to be a role model for the younger men and older women are to teach and train the younger women. In other words, EVERY Christian adult has a built in next generation responsibility to be a part of the support network for the next generation in their own congregation!

How dare we entrust ten, fifty or a hundred teenagers to a single youth leader to spiritually mentor singlehandedly! It takes a network of godly Christian adults to support the teenagers in the dead zone and ward off the lies of the Evil One. And, no, I’m not just referring to adults who volunteer to help out with the youth group. Of course they play a huge role. But so should every Christian adult in the church! We are all responsible to encourage the next generation, set the pace for them with our lives and do our best to challenge them to live of “uninterupted service” to Jesus.

The Holy Trinity: The primary “network” of support for every teenager is The Trinity. According to Christ’s high priestly prayer in John 17 Jesus invites us into the fellowship of community with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit every single day. He wants us to be one with Him and them as they are one with each other. I don’t know for sure all that means, but it’s pretty awesome. What a blessed fellowship! What a powerful network (do you think “G3″ could stand for the three persons in the Godhead? G3. Get it? Okay maybe not.)

In many ways the youth leader is the point where all of these categories can come together to support a teenager. The youth leader is standing out front reminding the teenager that there is an entire group of adults, parents and Divine personalities supporting them so that they can know they are covered anywhere they go!

Let this illustration serve as a reminder to us as parents and adults that we are to stand behind our youth leader as they stand behind our teenagers. Let’s not leave our youth leaders in the dead zone. They need our support as they support our teenagers.

Let it serve as a reminder to our youth leaders that they can’t do this job alone. They must call forth their entire support network (parents, adults and the Trinity) to get the job done right.

It’s enough to make me want to go out and buy some clunky glasses (on second thought…no.)