The driver of tomorrow is not thinking Green...

The driver of tomorrow is not thinking Green...
He's thinking Classic. (click on photo)


May 19, 2011

God Hears Better than an Hallelujiah

I mulled over whether to actually share this moment on my blog and thought, maybe I should because it's one of those times God resounds with response and it SHOULD be shared. I had a pretty big personal melt down this week. You know ladies what I'm talking about. The crying, the soul wrenching sobs as you pour your heartache, worries, dreams, loss of dreams, failures, expectations, LIFE out on The Lord's feet. It was completely emptying out the pot, which had been overfilling with garbage and spilling out on everyone around me. I didn't exactly feel better then. The next day, 10 minutes before I walked out the door with Kassady to go on an all weekend camping trip, Matt & I were in the midst of heavy discussion and I realized, I just needed to apologize. I sucked it up and told him how sorry I was and that I knew I was being horrible to everyone. Then I set off on my muddy tent camping trip, where I guilted myself all weekend, each time I ate the wonderful salad he prepared for Kass & I, as I enjoyed the hum of the engine he had restored fluids to and when I used the Coleman air pump my husband searched on Craigslist to find so that I could have my cushy air mattress and not become an an invalid from 2 nights of sleeping on the ground, as I woke up in the middle of the night, hearing the rain dump on our tent, which was covered by the tarp he drug out from under the deck, we remained comfortable, dry & so warm.

But this story is not about my great husband. Since the trip, this week I realized I had this inner peace. Not a fake happy go lucky "everything will be okay" but a genuine internal deep peace. As if God took my pain & anguish, sucked it all out and dissolved it. Recentering my Spirit. I went where He wanted me to, not caring if I was disrespectful or not, just laying it all out for Him to hear and see. There - now what are you going to do with it?

This week has been full of information for me, answers of what I need to work on in myself. Like He's got me by the hand, guiding. I feel release in areas I've been carrying & struggling with trying to control. It feels GOOD. This morning as I was mulling it over on my way in to the office, I had a second, just a second or two of my usual self mutilation at the fact that I take stuff so seriously, that I have these repeated melt downs periodically though my life. I have this crazy notion that at some point I will just move on and all will be smooth, with nothing to be concerned about. Now that's realistic.

Within minutes after thinking this, the song "Better than an Hallelujiah" by Amy Grant came on. And tears were flowing down my face. It opens "God loves a lullaby in a mothers tears in the dead of night. We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody".

Now tell me that wasn't His message speaking directly to my heart, reassuring me that bringing it to Him was the music He wants to hear. I drove on, wiping the tears away, trying not to destroy my makeup before I made it to the office.

And share my story with whoever blesses me to read it. Let me share the song with you and hopefully it will bring you to His feet, pouring out your tears and needs so that He can be blessed with Your Sweetest Song.

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