I Hate You - Don't let it pass

What should a parent do when a young child says, “I hate you?” I’m Dr. James Dobson with My Family Talk.

Some givers of parental advice recommend that parents ignore these kinds of violent outbursts and expressions of hostility for a mother or father. I disagree. Even though it is true that most youngsters do have strong feelings, and it’s not unusual for them to verbalize their anger. Still, we need to teach children how to handle those emotions more appropriately. If a child screamed his hatred at me for the first time, I would wait until his passions had cooled and then I’d convey a message that would go something like this: “I know you were very upset earlier today, and I think we should talk about what you were feeling. All children get angry at their parents now and then, especially when they think they’ve been treated unfairly. But, that doesn’t excuse you from saying, ‘I hate you.’? You see, when people love each other as you and I do, they shouldn’t want to hurt each other. What you said hurt me; just as it would hurt you if I said something like that. Now you can tell me what angers you and I’ll listen carefully. And if I’m wrong, I’ll do my best to change the things that you don’t like. But, I can’t permit you to call me names or speak disrespectfully to me in that manner. Now is there anything you need to say to me? If not, then put your arms around my neck because I love you.”

See, once this boundary has been established, I would then expect the child to live within it. With My Family Talk, I’m Dr. James Dobson.