A look beyond

Last night while staring at graduation cards, my eyes alighted on one that said "Son, on your Graduation". It was an unexpected reaction, immediately choked up, tears in my eyes. I guess I thought of Ryan graduating. Which is ridiculous because he just turned 11. We drove home, talking about Kayla turning 18, graduating and I shared the experience. I say I think it's because everything I am, I do - is for my children. They are the reason for life. They are what drives me to be better, what gets me out of bed some days. What keeps me going. I can't imagine my life without them, as they move on to their own lives - not that I don't want them to move on but just the simple recognition that they won't be... - HERE. I miss them already and feel a bit silly recognizing that. Tears stream down my cheeks at this sudden emotional spillage. They bring me joy, some pain, cause me to grow (up), to laugh. It's difficult to look beyond that and see what I will be without what has been my entire life. At 18 I met their dad, we settled into our life, I always knew I wanted to be a mom - and not just any mom - but the best mom ever. We had to work hard to have our first and the second was a surprise so I remind myself to enjoy the experience, even when it's very tough & grueling. I have begun to feel excitement as McKenna approaches her own graduation next year, for her to begin her own life. Perhaps because I'm moving through the motions of letting go and feel wonder at the awesome person she is and the life experiences she has to look forward to. But I am not even close to that part of acceptance with Ryan and with him being "the end", I'm curious to see if I move through it the same as I have with McKenna. Perhaps it will be easier then - right now we are still in that wonderful place where he loves me, thinks I'm great and wants to snuggle every night before sleep. Perhaps as we move into the "I hate you, you are a moron" teenage season, I'll move through the letting go place. Regardless, it is inevitable. And I will always, always be one of those parents and grandparents, on the sidelines, cheering my kids and their kids on through life. They will always be secure in the fact that I absolutely adore them, that I am dependable, that I am present. I may be actually annoying sometimes, with my 5th wheel parked outside their home - while I try to find the balance of not enabling and not being disconnected. Not meddling and not disregarding. Being ever present, loving and cherishing the most precious gifts God chose to bestow upon my quick existence.

Who Will, Men of Courage?

Who will teach my son to follow Christ?
Who will accept the responsibility of providing for my family?
Who will ask God to break the chains of destructive patterns in my families history?
Who will pray for and bless my children to boldly pursue whatever God calls them to do?

I am their Father - I will!

I accept this responsibility and it is my privilege to embrace it.
I want the favor of God and His Blessing on my home. Any good man does.

So - where are you - Men of Courage?
Where are you Fathers who fear The Lord?

It's time to rise up and answer the Call that God has given to you!

And say I WILL! I WILL! I WILL!

Sometimes Busyness Can Wait - 105.3 Tom

"While framing photos of my daughters for our “memory hallway,” both girls were at my feet, inviting me to read books with them on the floor.

Funny how I put pictures in frames, so as to save memories, when the connection my heart is longing to find is in plain sight. Sometimes such opportunities appear like inconveniences because they come at the expense of “productivity.” But when I bend down, wrap my daughters in my arms, smell their hair, kiss their temples and tell them how much their young lives bring me joy, my inevitable reward is the tender look of trust and safety in their eyes. I think the pictures and the laundry can wait."

Tom of Tom & Sarah - 105.3 Spirit

The Porch

Imagine – a world without a basket of flowers hanging on the porch.
A world without beauty, only dead where the sun has scorched.

Imagine – a soul without a light shining through.
Dry as the water evaporated from the desert’s morning dew.

I have seen that place and never wish to return,
to the endless wanderings of a soul that’s been burned.

My Father, He guides me on a new winding road
And carries me through the burdens of my load.

I’ve found the beauty of the basket on the porch
And tasted the mountain dew that healed where the sun scorched.

Sweet is the water that pours from the grave,
That opened for Jesus so MY soul He could save.

So worthy am I, not fit for this world,
Yet He loves me so deeply, He let the truth be told.

My eyes have been opened and my soul knows the light,
I could never return to the rubble of my previous life.

I bid you to come and take up my hand,
Walk with me and our Lord and dance in the Promised Land.

Many are waiting for you and me to come,
To join the army of The Only and the home of The One.

RebeccaFM/RamFMTalk 6/5/2003

What's Up Pussycat?

Wow. Hearing a lot in the news about the government & the presidents intent to step in and attempting to force what appears to be Christianity based religions to go against their beliefs and values of their faith. We don't force other religions to go against their value systems when we don't agree with how they operate. Why Christianity? Once we allow the government to get it's foot in the door on that level, we should be very very worried. Making dropping out of high school illegal. Government control. Always under the guise of what's best for our country and "freedom", which ultimately lead to control & desensitization of a nation & the next generation, to allow a certain group to be wiped out and a country to be under one control. It takes time to put the steps into place. Hitler was very very patient and it was only the older generations that understood what he was up to.

"Bloggers Beware" $2.5 Mil Libel Suit

"Bloggers Beware’

That was the headline on a conservative blog following a $2.5 million judgment this month against blogger Crystal Cox in a defamation case tried in federal court in Oregon. It’s a case followed closely in both the blogosphere and in the traditional media, as it highlights the proliferation of blogging, the blurring of lines between journalists and bloggers and more libel cases born out of blog posts.

“There are a lot of malicious people out there,” says Bruce Johnson, a Seattle attorney with Davis Wright Tremaine and author of Washington state’s current Shield Law. “You’re not going to be able to get rid of them all. They will continue to basically write graffiti on the bathroom wall, and in this case, the Internet provides the bathroom wall,” says Johnson.

According to the Media Law Resource Center, bloggers have been hit with $47 million in defamation judgments. Just two years ago the total stood at $17 million, revealing a sharp increase. MLRC’s Dave Heller sees a rise in ‘fringe publishers’ and says the case against Cox was, in some ways, "extremely rare."

Crystal Cox calls herself an investigative blogger who is also a journalist. The Montana real estate agent wrote extensively about the bankruptcy case of Summit Accommodations. Kevin Padrick, an Oregon attorney with Obsidian Finance Group, was appointed trustee in charge of paying Summit creditors. Cox accused Padrick of, among other things, committing tax fraud.

Padrick sued and won a unanimous jury verdict.

According to published reports, there is no evidence Padrick did anything improper. Cox tried to invoke the Shield Law, which allows journalists to protect confidential sources, but Judge Marco Hernandez ruled Cox was not a journalist and therefore not entitled to the protections. He wrote, "there is no evidence of any education in journalism, any credentials or proof of any affiliation with any recognized news entity or proof of adherence to journalistic standards such as editing, fact-checking or disclosures of conflicts of interest."

Dave Heller says what’s remarkable about the Cox case is the court reverted to common law libel standards, meaning she had no defense except to prove what she had written about Padrick was true. Bruce Johnson believes Washington state’s Shield Law would have afforded Cox some protections because it is technology neutral. “I think it’s moving gradually toward more blogging being protected,” says Johnson.

Many bloggers, initially shocked by the size of the judgment against Cox, have since distanced themselves from her. David Goldstein, who founded the liberal Seattle blog "Horse’s Ass," says as more mainstream media reporters and anchors blog, the lines are getting blurred, but getting it right is vital no matter what your medium. “Just like anybody can claim to be a journalist, anybody can claim to be a blogger,” says Goldstein, “And if you look at the court records, she really appeared to be neither.”

Crystal Cox did not respond to our emails and phone calls seeking comment. It appears, however, she plans to continue to fight. She represented herself in the defamation suit, but now has legal help from UCLA Law School and blogger Eugene Volokh. He has taken the case pro bono in hopes of getting the decision reversed. Volokh has written about the First Amendment’s protection of the press, arguing it’s not solely intended for the media as an institution, but anyone doing the work of journalism.

Goldstein agrees, but accuses Cox of harassing Kevin Padrick and getting her facts wrong. “We’re in the business of criticizing people,” says Goldstein, That’s what journalists, that’s what bloggers do. So we have an obligation to be at least accurate with that criticism.”

Kevin Padrick says the issue is much bigger than whether or not Crystal Cox was acting as a journalist or not. “False allegations can be made against somebody,” Padrick says, “and they will have to live with those false allegations for the rest of their lives.”

Since the attacks against him hit the Internet, Padrick says his business is way down. He partially blames the easy manipulation of the search engines to keep even false content front and center.

Crystal Cox has hundreds of web sites and by linking the content it gives the appearance of multiple sources. Google Padrick’s name and up comes dozens of Cox’s blog postings.

“Through search engines, we are allowing bloggers to have a power that is disproportionate,” says Padrick, “and yet with that power has to come the responsibility.”

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2011/12/22/bloggers-not-journalists/

May my daughter remember my determination this way

"I grew up in NYC alone with my mom. She was a single parent and while life wasn't always easy, it sure was fun. Even as a child, I understood that, financially, we were living on the edge. but somehow we always got by. My mom was determined to give me a well-rounded childhood-n matter what it cost.

She could have chosen to live in a less expensive neighborhood but she was never one to compromise. We lived on Central Park West, went to Broadway shows and dined at the city's best restaurants. I went to private school and summer camp, took ballet and piano lessons, and learned to ski in Vermont on weekends.

My childhood sounds like on grounded in privilege but that’s only one side of it. My dad was gone, leaving us with no money when I was very young. My mom was strong, beautiful and artistic and an uncanny ability to convince people that she could do almost anything. She used all these qualities to supplement her meager financial resources and combined, they magically arrived us through life one day at a time. I don’t remember ever hearing her say the word "can't".

My first memories of Mom in the working world were formed by earing her tell stories of being a model. She was one of those women who made heads turn every time she entered a room and for 10 years she posed for advertising, runway shows and department stores. I never learned precisely why her modeling career ended but I remember hearing vague stories about lecherous photographers and creeps who couldn’t keep their hands off her.

So she eased herself into another career and soon our apartment was filled with paintings and art supplies. There were easels in every room, some for paper and charcoal drawing and others for canvas & oils. Shed often paint all day and well into the night; I still remember her - brush in hand, working as she watched Johnny Carson until the wee hours of the morning. To this day I have no idea where she sold all of her artwork, but she found a market somewhere. She produced a prodigious amount of art that was apparently good enough that she sold all of it, earning enough money to pay the rent and my private school tuition.

When I was 8 years old my mother decided to spread her wings even farther and using her artistic talents, became an interior decorator as well as a landlord. I became her willing assistant. It was my first encounter with entrepreneurship. My mother had saved just enough money to rent an unfurnished, unoccupied apartment on east 56th Street, where we spend weekends painting walls and drawing floor plans. I would measure and she would draw.

Once the apartment was painted & my mothers decorating plans competed, we'd it the auctions. Mom read the paper to see what was coming up for auction that would fit her designs. I'd have fun going along after school and offering my opinion on which piece of furniture I thought would look best in the new apartment. We refinished or repainted furniture when necessary and in a matter of weeks listed the apartment in the "For Rent" section of the NY Times.

The phone rang off the hook. Within a week we'd found a tenant and rented the apartment with a year’s lease. By the time I was twelve, my mother, repeating that same scenario many times, was managing more than twenty apartments, all of which she'd decorated and subleased at substantial profit.

But times change. A few years later the NY rental market began to falter; Mom's business was slipping away. Overnight, rentals had become a thing of the past; people with money were buying their apartments instead of renting them. Undaunted, Mom entered school and after 6 months of classes, proudly announced that she had earned her real-estate license. If she couldn't rent, she was going to sell. Our days of refinishing furniture & visiting auction houses were over.

Mom started working at an up & coming firm on Madison Ave that was carving out a lucrative niche market by catering to wealthy clients looking for luxury apartments in Manhattans newly converted co-op buildings. Her first client was Woody Allen; a new career was born, a new adventure begun.

Mom's goals were straightforward: to be a good mother, enjoy a full life by embracing new experience and marry a wonderful man with the same objectives. She never did find that perfect man but she scored high in every other regard. Flexibility was an intrinsic part of her nature and helped her overcome setbacks without losing her enthusiasm for her dream.

As for me, she gave me the gift of knowing I can do whatever I want and the courage to follow through. I new as long as I was doing what I loved, money would follow. And, in genera, it has."


From Bob & Melinda Blanchard "Live What You Love"

Culture Challenge of the Week: Parents Who Won't Parent

The new Fox TV show, "I Hate My Teenage Daughter," aired an episode recently that provoked passionate debate among real life moms. The TV episode followed a mom's reaction when her fourteen-year-old daughter wanted to date an older teen--a teenage dad. One viewer, then, turned to her peers on the popular blog site for moms, CafeMom, and asked, "Would you let your teenage daughter [age 14] date a guy who has a baby?"

While many of the moms said "no," (often saying they wouldn't let a fourteen-year-old date anyone), a few flakes said yes, and a significant number waffled.

The "wafflers" trouble me most.

Many wafflers were moms who felt a decision like this -- whether their 14-year-old should go out with a teen father -- wasn't theirs to make. As parents, they could only speak their piece and hope for the best.

Rules? Futile.

In their world, teens call the shots. Parental wisdom stacks up as one opinion among many -- advice to be considered, or not. Whether a teen will follow parental advice on dating is no more predictable than a roll of the dice.

"I would try to persuade her not to," said one mom. "I doubt I would have a choice, but I wouldn't like it," said another. A third chimed in with a fatalistic virtual shrug, "You can't really control love…"

Teen dating decisions for these moms clearly fall within the realm of personal autonomy, and so a daughter's autonomy (at 14!) would be absolute. Like selecting perfume, who they will spend time with alone becomes a matter of distinctly personal preference, impervious to rules or objective measure.

And so, if these parents believe they ought to suspend their parental judgment in favor of adolescent preference, what then is a parent's role? To 'support' --financially and emotionally -- their teen's decisions, regardless of whether or not those decisions are moral and prudent.

It's a secular parenting philosophy that extends beyond dating decisions to nearly every aspect of teenagers' lives -- friends, music, school, media, and faith. Teenage autonomy trumps parental authority.

The stage has been set for years now. From cartoons, to children's books, to adolescent literature, to school sex ed classes -- the cultural message is that parents are either clueless buffoons, or old-school tyrants. And, if parents don't willingly grant autonomy to their teens, then kids need a work-around (often provided by "teen advocates" with their own agenda).

Too often, parents themselves buy into this philosophy. As a result, according to Albert Mohler, the President of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, parents today "have largely become passive facilitators in the lives of their children."


How To Save Your Family with Loving Direction [Authority]

These waffling moms need to take their blinders off. With eyes wide open, they need to look around and realize that they, not their teens, are the grown-ups in the room.
Teens simply don't have the knowledge, maturity, and wisdom to make adult judgments.

This is why they have us.

Parents possess experience and wisdom that children won't have for years. Even a mature teenager cannot easily envision -- by herself -- the full, long-term consequences of her actions. She hasn't lived long enough and doesn't know enough. An adult, on the other hand, presumably is aware of the consequences of early dating -- and the risks of dating an older male whose values and self-control are in doubt.

Most of the moms in this online conversation had the right instincts -- they knew the right decision. What they lacked was the confidence and will to act; they lacked the confidence and will to parent.

That's not okay.

Parents have more than wisdom and years -- we have a responsibility, given by God, to train our children in the way they should go. (Prov. 12:6). It's an ongoing responsibility -- a gift to our children -- that does not end magically when a child hits 13.

Or, 15. Or, 17.

Loving parental authority not only teaches children right from wrong, but also helps them develop prudence, exercise gradual independence, and assume greater personal responsibility on the path to adulthood.

Teenagers need their parents, and parents need to parent.

Do your teens call the shots in your home? Is your parental wisdom just one opinion among many -- "advice" for your teen to consider or reject? It's time for parents to parent!

***

Teens rebel. It's an inevitability that is not a matter of if, but when, and how often. And, even the best teens think that they know what's best for them, and will reject your wisdom from time to time.

But, the answer is not to throw your hands in the air (or, offer a virtual shrug), and accept defeat. Teens do not know what's best for them. They need you, and the rebellion you see in them is evidence of that.

Stand your ground. Don't relent. They may not immediately recognize that you are right, and that you have their best interests in mind, but one day they will. And, the alternative -- letting teens run their own lives -- can have tragic consequences.

More than just needing you -- teens want you. They want your guidance and rules. So, be there for them. They'll appreciate it more than they'll let you know.

Rebecca Hagelin - 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family

Are Sydne Spies of Durango High School's yearbook photos too racy? My response.

Looks like a modeling photo, She's absolutely beautiful. However, teens often forget that as they get older and come in to their young adulthood, a photo like this - it's not just the high school boys getting their attention. So it's up to the high school to step in and create a high school friendly book. We don't want our teachers facebooking with our kids, having relationships with our kids - we probably shouldn't put solicitous provocative photos in the yearbook. It all works together. As a female from a house of strong females and a mom of many daughters (one son, poor guy) - it is VERY difficult to balance being strong, comfortable in our femininity that includes sexuality without taking on the current societal view that we should allow AND EXPECT our daughters to BE sexualized. Is there anything else our girls could be? Worth as a female is still locked into our breasts/ass/physical perfection. In all these years, we still haven't developed past the feeling the need to achieve that and fighting for worth to others and our internal selves beyond that. Looking at the lifespan of humans, there is plenty of time to explore your sexuality and we push our kids to start out young. Feels a little pedophiliac to me at times. Create clothes at the age of 5 that are too short, too high, write words across our little girls butt to draw attention. The photos are racy, no doubt. And no man is looking at this parents daughter with "good" intentions. In fact, a man that thinks this should be encouraged with our young girls, should be looked at twice, three, four times. His intent is probably NOT the good of the young girl but more for his own visual gratification. I think at times women think they will control with sexuality but I'm not quite sure it really works out that way. It's a lonely road in the end for a girl/woman when she's given all she has. I was at a local football game recently and this man's teenage daughter walked up, in skimpy/short short, tight, glittery shorts. Nice body. Def flaunting it. I watched as his grown adult friend looked her up & down as she walked away and quickly averted his eyes when his friend turned his way. It made me a tad nauseous and validated my own parental choices with our daughters. Balance, balance. Maybe someday we'll find it.

http://mynorthwest.com/76/607027/Too-sexy-for-the-yearbook

AOM: The Thousandth Man

The Thousandth Man
By Rudyard Kipling

One man in a thousand, Solomon says,
Will stick more close than a brother.
And it’s worth while seeking him half your days
If you find him before the other.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine depend
On what the world sees in you,
But the Thousandth Man will stand your friend
With the whole round world agin you.

‘Tis neither promise nor prayer nor show
Will settle the finding for ‘ee.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of ‘em go
By your looks or your acts or your glory.
But if he finds you and you find him,
The rest of the world don’t matter;
For the Thousandth Man will sink or swim
With you in any water.

You can use his purse with no more talk
Than he uses yours for his spendings,
And laugh and meet in your daily walk
As though there had been no lendings.
Nine hundred and ninety-nine of ‘em call
For silver and gold in their dealings;
But the Thousandth Man he’s worth ‘em all,
Because you can show him your feelings.

His wrong’s your wrong, and his right’s your right,
In season or out of season.
Stand up and back it in all men’s sight—
With that for your only reason!
Nine hundred and ninety-nine can’t bide
The shame or mocking or laughter,
But the Thousandth Man will stand by your side
To the gallows-foot—and after!

Hat tip to Gilberto C. for this Manvotional

http://artofmanliness.com/2012/01/07/manvotional-the-thousandth-man/?utm_source=Daily+Subscribers&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=f38d118bec-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN/

The Plight before Christmas: Weisenburger

THE PLIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

‘Tis the month before Christmas and all through the house,
Our two teens leave gift lists for me and my spouse.

They scribble and write, compose and compare,
In hopes that St. Nick has some big bucks to spare!

But Dad with his wallet and I with my purse,
Realize things have taken a turn for the worse.
Their lists once contained things that we could afford
But as they have grown, so the prices have soared!

Tinker toys and legos have all been replaced,
And items like play doh are simply erased.
Where once there was Elmo, and Big Bird and Pooh,
There’s now a cell phone, and an ipod too.

Gone are the days of toy cars and doll beds,
When visions of sugarplums danced in their heads.
Now they dream of two laptops (one’s hers; one’s his)
And something called a jump drive-- who knows what that is?!

It’s CDs, and sweaters, and watches and rings,
Computer and Play Station Games of all things.
A DVD burner will do just the trick,
Do they think money grows on trees for St. Nick??

More rapid than reindeer the items ring up,
We’ll have to get second and third jobs to keep up!
The deadlines draw nearer, the panic sets in,
I won’t get it all done! Where do I begin?!

Away to the bank I will fly like a flash,
To get an infusion of much-needed cash.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a bottom line that’s already too bottom-near.

There’s a twitch in my eye and an ache in my head,
Will my checkbook emerge alive or dead?
Which things do I get, for whom and how many?
Excess cash? I sure don’t have any!

So I think for a minute, and then start to smile--
The answer’s been with me, there all the while.

I take a deep breath and I slow myself down;
I cancel more plans to go into town.

Then I gather my children and with hugs and a kiss,
I remind them it’s not about presents and lists.

It’s about friends and family, and laughter and love,
And the blessings we’re given from God up above.

No matter what’s wished for or what gifts are sought,
Christmas is not about things that we’ve bought.

In the midst of the frenzy and the lure of the mall,
We shouldn’t forget….the greatest Gift of all.

So our presents get pared down to just two or three,
We’ll wrap them with love and place them under the tree.

And then I’ll exclaim ‘ere I turn in for the night,

“Happy Christmas to all, and….. may we all get it right!”



Copyright ©2008 Mary Beth Weisenburger All Rights Reserved.

You might be a parent of a teenager...

YOU MIGHT BE THE PARENT OF A TEENAGER IF…

Though I have only been living with teenagers for three years and am in no way an expert on adolescents, I have learned a thing or two about the metamorphosis from innocent tween to full-blown teen status. It can be a subtle shift, a change that sneaks up on you without advance notice. But there are some clear warning signs that signal you are now living with a teen. As a public service, I am offering the following easy assessment tool for any parent to use if for some reason you are not sure you have become the parent of a genuine, bona fide teenager.
You might be the parent of a teenager…

…If you spend more money every month on groceries, mainly consisting of pop-tarts, frozen pizza, ramen noodles, Doritos and chicken pot pies, than the Gross National Product of several third world countries;
…If you attempt to open the door to your child’s room and your entry is blocked by a mountain of wet bath towels;
…If you have suddenly lost all ability to make sense, your IQ has dropped dramatically and at times your attempts at civil conversation are considered so lame that you deserve only an eye roll in response.
You might be the parent of a teenager if you have to fight for time on your own computer.

You might be the parent of a teenager if your makeup, hair brushes and hair spray regularly disappears. Even if you only have sons.

You might be the parent of a teenager if your car’s gas tank is perpetually on empty, and can probably drive itself to the gym, the school and the pizza place on command.

If you have recently purchased any electronic item that starts with a lower case “i”, had to ask someone to explain what the initials BRB, LOL and TTYL mean; bought 3 pairs of tennis shoes in 3 different sizes in one year for the same child; and you hear a “cha-ching” sound in your head and automatically reach for your wallet whenever they approach, you might be the parent of a teenager.

You might be the parent of a teenager if you can’t get your kids to go to bed at night or get up in the morning; the decibel level for simple questions such as “Do we have any milk?” rivals that of the landing strip at O’Hare airport; and you have often chosen to completely discard an item of clothing that has resided in the dark, dingy corners of a gym bag for far too long rather than let it contaminate an entire load of wash.

This is not an all-inclusive list, of course. I have heard other descriptions that include things like body jewelry and tattoos. But, if you feel compelled to cut out this article and hang it on your refrigerator door, amidst Zits cartoons, orthodontist appointment cards and the outrageous car insurance bill, well, congratulations my friend. You truly are the parent of a teenager.

Mary Beth Weisenburger lives in Putnam County with her husband and two authentic, full-blown teenagers.

Ken Davis: Grandparents

"I have granddaughters. When they enter the room, they run straight to me. They fly through the air, on angel wings, on fairy wings. I scoop them up and they whisper in my ear "I love you Grandpa".

I have 2 demon possessed Grandsons. They do not fly through the air, they do not slow down, they don't leave the ground. 65 miles per hour - they put their head down. "What's wrong?" they ask. "Grandpa has fallen and can't get up". There is nothing so painful as being greeted by your grandsons.

Grandchildren attack without warning - and I love every minute of it."

Ken Davis, Comedian - Lighten Up & Live

Tenth Avenue: A new Deck the Halls

Adam Carolla's Occupy Wall Street Rant

I'm not familiar with this guy. But I heard a snippet of his rant on Dori Monson today, complete with beep, beep, beep & agreed deeply with his points. We are raising and living with a self entitled environment. And it's making us weak as a nation, as a society, as humans.

Song of the Day: All I Want - Chapman

Hedy Lamarr: Genius

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/books/2011/11/richard_rhodes_hedy_s_folly_reviewed_what_was_the_source_of_hedy_lamarr_s_inventive_genius_.html

Why children don't tell

This was my response to Dave Ross making a direct connection to sexually abused kids and it pointing to something wrong at home, because kids don't go & tell their parents what's going on.

The guy was preying on children at an age that weren't quite aware of sexuality and what that all entails. If you have any knowledge of sexual predator behavior, they are very sly. This guy was typical. Centered himself with kids, parents automatically "trusted" him with their kids because of the U, the program, his fame. Abuse, sexual abuse especially, is often connected with shame. These boys were at an age where either they didn't have a clue about sexuality yet (7/8) or they were JUST entering the age of perhaps, someone might have started to explain (10 years old, just entering that realm). The two eye witness sexual episodes were with 10 year old. The older kids seemed to have more of an idea what he was doing and they did extricate themselves from him and the program. I think he picked this age group because of their non understanding of what that was all about. Kids, from all sorts of homes, keep stuff from their parents. Especially if they feel like they've done something wrong. Sexual abuse victims live with shame their entire lives sometimes and often hide the event(s) for years. Good parents or not, abuse happens.

However Dave, I do agree with you that way too many fathers are abandoning their children & their responsibilities. This program was for at risk kids and probably, several sons of single mothers, who put them in this very prestigious program with well known famous coaches because they recognized their sons needed a male figure - and they probably felt lucky, blessed to have their son there. However it's wrong to make an absolute statement that any child who doesn't come forward doesn't have something solid at home. Look at the Catholic church - how many of those boys hid what was happening and probably had very devout fathers at home.

This story sickens me, not only because of the vileness of what happened, but because what does it do for all the kids out there that do have a need? How does a parent feel safe enough to send their kid to any program, religious, not religious and know their kid is okay? How many years did the church cover up their story? And look how many years this guy was allowed to continue harming & having contact with kids - both situation because of power. Unfortunately as a parent, it strips your ability to trust anyone that might be nice to your kid and as an adult, makes you shy away from volunteering in a program and/or being nice to a kid.

CNN: A companion to the Forgotten

Art of Manliness: Gentlemen at the Office

The rules of business etiquette are very similar to the rules of social etiquette.

But there is a difference between the two sets of manners.

In the social sphere, the assumption is that you and your associates are equals, with some allowances made for age and sex.

The business world, on the other hand, is a hierarchy. Whether you work at a traditional, highly-stratified corporation, or a modern and casual upstart, whether the hierarchy is spelled out, or entirely unspoken, one exists. Just step on some toes and see what happens. Business etiquette dictates that employees defer to employers, sellers defer to buyers, and seekers defer to sought-afters.

This difference in the dynamic of social and business relations accounts for things like the fact that when you make introductions outside of work, you always introduce the man to the woman, while in the business world, you make introductions based on rank and importance, regardless of gender. So if you’re introducing a male CEO and a female employee, you would say, “Mr. Robert BigCheese, I would like to introduce Mrs. Samantha Underling from accounting,” rather than the other way around. (Note: if Mr. Graham was meeting a client (of either sex) as opposed to an underling, the client’s name would go first; remember, the seller defers to the buyer.)

This is also why your boss can call you by your first name, but you shouldn’t reciprocate, unless he or she has specifically invited you to drop the Mr. or Mrs.

Another difference between the rules that dictate etiquette in the social and business worlds is that in the social sphere, etiquette doesn’t necessarily have to be efficient or practical; in fact, this can be part of its charm. But in the workplace, tradition matters less and getting the job done matters more.

So for example, while in a social situation you would want to stand when a woman entered the room, at work you should rise from your desk when receiving visitors of either sex, and you shouldn’t stand up every time a female secretary or assistant walks in and out of your office.

Those caveats aside, the rules of business etiquette and social etiquette are not so different; it’s all about acting with integrity, knowing the appropriate behavior for a particular situation, behaving in ways that show respect, and treating others as you’d like to be treated.

While certain areas of business etiquette deserve their own posts, today we will outline some general dos and don’ts for being a gentleman at the office.

The Dos

Dress with respect. Be clean and presentable each and every day. Follow the office dress code at a minimum—and don’t be the guy who constantly toes the line. Of course it’s fine to dress a cut above everyone else, but just a cut. Dressing up far beyond the standard sported by everyone else will come off as putting on airs.

On another style note, while you might take off your jacket and roll up your sleeves during the day, when there are visitors present in the office or you’re receiving callers, put your jacket back on and present a professional appearance that reflects well on your company.

Come to work with teeth brushed and body washed. Your co-workers are stuck with you in a small space for eight or more hours a day. Don’t make them avoid your cubicle like the plague as they gather to discuss whether presenting you with a gift basket of soap and chewing gum would send too overt a message.

Keep things pleasant with your co-workers. Unlike friends, if things get awkward with your co-workers, you cannot choose to stop seeing them. No, cause an uncomfortable rift with a co-worker, and you’ll have to look at their contemptible face each and every day for months, and maybe years. So keep your relations with them pleasant. This means not delving too much into your private life, avoiding discussion of topics like religion and politics, and typically choosing to ignore annoying habits, rather than calling attention to them (although every man has his breaking point).

When it comes to dating at work, don’t risk it unless she’s someone you truly connect with. And if you do pursue something with a co-worker, review your company’s policy on such relationships and let HR know what’s going on.

Keep company secrets, secret. Our Wiki-leaks-loving generation tends to scoff at the notion of keeping anything secret. And yes, your company’s secrets may seem so boring or unimportant as to not even be worth the effort of keeping them under wraps. But no matter—they’re still nobody’s business. Even if the spilling of secrets doesn’t cause actual harm to your company, doing so will still make you look careless.

So keep your files tucked away when receiving visitors, guard your end of the phone conversation when a visitor is standing nearby, and if outsiders ask you questions that might reveal company secrets, simply give intentionally vague answers–never volunteer any information they could not have otherwise been gleaned from the news. If information is truly confidential, don’t send it over email. There’s no such thing as a “private” email; they can be monitored by your company, and sometimes retrieved long after they’ve been “deleted.”

Finally, don’t volunteer more information than necessary: “Dan is not in today,” not “Dan’s not here. He’s meeting with the head of mergers at Dyna Corp.”

Work with your boss—not against him. Keep him informed. Let him know when you’ve made a mistake so he doesn’t paint himself into a corner out of ignorance. Back him up–if you have concerns about something, let him know in private instead of airing your grievances at an open meeting.

When you use the last of something, replace it. Whether it’s the last paper in the copy machine or the last cup of joe in the coffee maker, don’t just walk away—replace the paper and make another pot. Ditto for copy machine paper jams—don’t whistle as you slowly slink off. Fix it.

Treat your underlings with kindness and respect. They keep the office running. And you never know if that lowly clerk will one day be your boss.

Respect the chain of command. Both up and down. Don’t step on anybody’s toes. Don’t go over your boss’s head without permission.

Hold the door for people approaching the elevator. Don’t hide in the corner while secretly wishing for the doors to close as quickly as possible.

If you’re using speaker phone, let the person(s) you’re speaking with know who else is on the call with you before you begin the conversation. That way, they will not be confused when another person’s voice suddenly pops in later on.

Bring donuts or bagels to a meeting every once in a blue moon. This is not expected of you. But if you do it, you’ll be a hero.

The Don’ts

Pass the buck. Generally, making excuses reflects more poorly on your character than admitting the mistake would have on your competence. If you blame an underling, you reveal yourself to be a mediocre leader, for you should have seen to it that the job got done correctly. If you blame an equal, you simply look like a whiner and run the risk of souring your relationship with someone with whom you’ll likely have to continue to work. And if you blame a higher-up…well common sense dictates that it’s not a good idea to anger the people who hold your job in their hands.

Come late to meetings. Your late arrival is disruptive and may prolong the meeting if they have to wait to get started until you get there or if they have to catch you up on what has already been discussed.

Linger at someone’s desk. Nothing wrong with stopping by to say hello to your cubicle buddy. But, if after some brief chit-chat, your co-worker shows signs of trying to get back to work, move on!

Eat other people’s food. The crime that launched a thousand passive-aggressive notes.

Eavesdrop on co-workers’ private phone calls. Now obviously if someone is having a conversation a cubicle over, it’s impossible not to hear what they’re saying. But you can certainly pretend like you don’t hear. In other words, if Bob just got off the phone from having an argument with his teenage son, don’t saunter over and ask, “What’s the problem with young Johnny, Bob?” If your co-worker wants to bring up the topic with you, then let him initiate that conversation. Otherwise, consider what you heard to be off-limits.

Listen to radio/music/Youtube videos without headphones. Not everyone shares your affinity for Enya.

Let your personal life get in the way of your business life. Always maintain a business-like attitude. This doesn’t mean being cold or aloof from others. What it means is that your personal life should very rarely interfere with getting work done. Not that you can’t leave early because your kid got sick, but that you don’t come in late because you got plastered the night before, you don’t ask the boss for a raise because you just had a baby, and you don’t spend half your time at work arguing with your ex-wife about alimony payments.

Come back and visit your old office. And now we return to the point made at the beginning of the article: the business world is different from the social world. In the social sphere, when you make close relationships, the expectation is that those relationships will last no matter where life takes you. At the office, you might develop relationships that feel very close with your co-workers, but once you move on, those relationships typically do too. When you leave a company to take another job elsewhere, don’t come back to your old workplace expecting to be heralded as a long lost friend. People will find the situation a little awkward and you a good deal lame.