Lead Me so I can Lead Them

Yesterday I posted on my Facebook how hard it is to walk against the world. Especially in parenting. I've mused recently how interesting it is to be a parent with moral standards, actively involved in your children's lives, responsible, not abandoning them, doing the hard time, loving them, teaching them, guiding them - and yet, feel the disapproval of so many. Huh?

As a mother of a daughter who is a year younger than her peers, it's been difficult to encourage her to remain her age when she's so eager to jump ahead. Yet really, regardless the age, we have a household that doesn't jump on every new fangled hip jive and we encourage our children to hold back, view from a distance and really see if it's worth all the hoopla and energy marketing and society would like you to invest in. We've been rid of TV or cable for years, we watch what's coming in to the house media wise and care about what our teens are watching or feasting their eyes & ears upon. We are involved. And God forbid, yes we monitor their email accounts and their cell phone usage. And certainly, their friend's parents aren't. We haven't released the reins for their indulgence in social media. They don't drink coffee yet (now known to be linked to first brain addiction & that is a choice they can make for themselves as adults). We have our reasons, that we believe in as strongly as those that oppose moral - or any - constraints. We are horrible parents and all of my daughters friends hate me.

I find it interesting that instead of hearing encouragement for being an aware parent, there is admonishment to give it all up, let go and let our teens do what they want. They are going to do it anyway so what's the point of guiding? Where's the intelligence in that statement?

What parents need is encouragement and support to remain steadfast in their right to fight (wasn't that an 80's song? "Fight for the Right... to party.." oh, yes I remember...being teen...) - against the world, to attempt to raise moral and confident human beings. Some of the areas our teens have to wade through do not strengthen them. They enslave them and at a time when their brains are just starting final development, they certainly do not have the maturity or ability to logically think - while the final stage of brain development for logical thinking is in process, a parents responsibility is to attempt to help encourage healthy brain connections and yes, protect from unhealthy brain connections. Yes, at times to stand in the way. Hands off? I don't think so.

So yesterday was a low parental day for me. I told Matt, there are days when I am ready to give up. To become like others, complacent in my parenting, let my children go elsewhere if they are so miserable and I'll let go of all responsibility and go enjoy the rest of my life. Just as others have. Yes, it's bitterness. Mostly parental hurt. Maternal hurt. The separation of parent and child for a mother, I believe can be more painful than for fathers, the risk takers.

I have these feelings rarely. When I do, a voice whispers in my heart & soul - "Stay the course".

Matt put his arm around me & said "if you were doing what the world wanted, the enemy wouldn't pay attention. But the fact you are standing by your values and not giving in to the world, attempting to raise your children against what society states to do, makes him attack." As tears rolled from my eyes I looked away and said "yes but at times I wonder if what I'm doing IS right. Because for me, doing it right is so deeply important. It's part of who I am" My own personal hell sometimes. Sometimes I care what people think. I've grown out of this more as I've matured but sometimes, especially in regards to my child or family, I really do care
and having to stand alone, is lonely. I realize that doing what I feel is right and caring what others think often create internal conflict.


Anyway, the point. I rarely listen to the radio. This morning I decided to leave it on & this song was the first song played. It's all I heard between the house & the office. I knew it was HIM speaking to me and when the final chorus hit, I just internally said "I know Lord. I know. Thank you for validation."

When HE speaks, I know it. And it always humbles me. I will stay the course, although it may not be easy and there may be little - at times - NO support in what I'm doing, I think I will be able to look back and know I did my best. There is a reason that God chose to give the responsibility of raising these kids to me. It could have been given to anyone. Yet, here I am - doing it. And when I'm down, He never misses the opportunity to bring me around.

I just got off the phone with Ryan. He says "uh, well that's what's parents do. Sometimes they make mistakes and sometimes they don't". From the mouth of babes.

Yes the kids will ultimately make their own decisions but I have to be secure in my own soul that I did all I could. Even when my kids don't like me.

LEAD ME - Sanctus Real

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone."

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying

"Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone."

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I am called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them - Won't you lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing dreams that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this out home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Christian lyrics - LEAD ME LYRICS - SANCTUS REAL