Culture Challenge of the Week: Parents Who Won't Parent

The new Fox TV show, "I Hate My Teenage Daughter," aired an episode recently that provoked passionate debate among real life moms. The TV episode followed a mom's reaction when her fourteen-year-old daughter wanted to date an older teen--a teenage dad. One viewer, then, turned to her peers on the popular blog site for moms, CafeMom, and asked, "Would you let your teenage daughter [age 14] date a guy who has a baby?"

While many of the moms said "no," (often saying they wouldn't let a fourteen-year-old date anyone), a few flakes said yes, and a significant number waffled.

The "wafflers" trouble me most.

Many wafflers were moms who felt a decision like this -- whether their 14-year-old should go out with a teen father -- wasn't theirs to make. As parents, they could only speak their piece and hope for the best.

Rules? Futile.

In their world, teens call the shots. Parental wisdom stacks up as one opinion among many -- advice to be considered, or not. Whether a teen will follow parental advice on dating is no more predictable than a roll of the dice.

"I would try to persuade her not to," said one mom. "I doubt I would have a choice, but I wouldn't like it," said another. A third chimed in with a fatalistic virtual shrug, "You can't really control love…"

Teen dating decisions for these moms clearly fall within the realm of personal autonomy, and so a daughter's autonomy (at 14!) would be absolute. Like selecting perfume, who they will spend time with alone becomes a matter of distinctly personal preference, impervious to rules or objective measure.

And so, if these parents believe they ought to suspend their parental judgment in favor of adolescent preference, what then is a parent's role? To 'support' --financially and emotionally -- their teen's decisions, regardless of whether or not those decisions are moral and prudent.

It's a secular parenting philosophy that extends beyond dating decisions to nearly every aspect of teenagers' lives -- friends, music, school, media, and faith. Teenage autonomy trumps parental authority.

The stage has been set for years now. From cartoons, to children's books, to adolescent literature, to school sex ed classes -- the cultural message is that parents are either clueless buffoons, or old-school tyrants. And, if parents don't willingly grant autonomy to their teens, then kids need a work-around (often provided by "teen advocates" with their own agenda).

Too often, parents themselves buy into this philosophy. As a result, according to Albert Mohler, the President of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, parents today "have largely become passive facilitators in the lives of their children."


How To Save Your Family with Loving Direction [Authority]

These waffling moms need to take their blinders off. With eyes wide open, they need to look around and realize that they, not their teens, are the grown-ups in the room.
Teens simply don't have the knowledge, maturity, and wisdom to make adult judgments.

This is why they have us.

Parents possess experience and wisdom that children won't have for years. Even a mature teenager cannot easily envision -- by herself -- the full, long-term consequences of her actions. She hasn't lived long enough and doesn't know enough. An adult, on the other hand, presumably is aware of the consequences of early dating -- and the risks of dating an older male whose values and self-control are in doubt.

Most of the moms in this online conversation had the right instincts -- they knew the right decision. What they lacked was the confidence and will to act; they lacked the confidence and will to parent.

That's not okay.

Parents have more than wisdom and years -- we have a responsibility, given by God, to train our children in the way they should go. (Prov. 12:6). It's an ongoing responsibility -- a gift to our children -- that does not end magically when a child hits 13.

Or, 15. Or, 17.

Loving parental authority not only teaches children right from wrong, but also helps them develop prudence, exercise gradual independence, and assume greater personal responsibility on the path to adulthood.

Teenagers need their parents, and parents need to parent.

Do your teens call the shots in your home? Is your parental wisdom just one opinion among many -- "advice" for your teen to consider or reject? It's time for parents to parent!

***

Teens rebel. It's an inevitability that is not a matter of if, but when, and how often. And, even the best teens think that they know what's best for them, and will reject your wisdom from time to time.

But, the answer is not to throw your hands in the air (or, offer a virtual shrug), and accept defeat. Teens do not know what's best for them. They need you, and the rebellion you see in them is evidence of that.

Stand your ground. Don't relent. They may not immediately recognize that you are right, and that you have their best interests in mind, but one day they will. And, the alternative -- letting teens run their own lives -- can have tragic consequences.

More than just needing you -- teens want you. They want your guidance and rules. So, be there for them. They'll appreciate it more than they'll let you know.

Rebecca Hagelin - 30 Ways in 30 Days to Save Your Family

Cultural Challenge:Bringing up Girls

OK, so my youngest child turned 18 this week, and now all of my children are officially "adults." Ouch! That hurts in one way, but is deeply beautiful and satisfying in so many other ways.

From a mom who has now "been there," my number one bit of advice to mothers of small children is: Enjoy them while you can. Spend time with them while they are still in your home. Examine your schedule, drop the junk, and seek out time to laugh with your kids, talk to them, shape their hearts and minds.

Just BE with them.

You will never get the precious years of childhood back -- ever. Do what you can to truly "parent" the precious children God has put in your care.

I'm so very grateful that before my children were born God placed it on my husband's and my heart to make them a top priority in our lives. Before money, careers, fancy houses and fancy vacations, our children came before everything else but our relationship with God and each other.

That's not to say there weren't times when we got over busy; there were plenty of those times! But, somehow, we were always able to recognize when work or volunteering got in the way, and -- thank God -- we were able to scale back and focus on the essential ingredient in parenthood: our children.

Since the month our only daughter turning 18 happens to coincide with one release of the very best books ever written about raising girls, I decided to make Bringing up Girls the focus of the Culture Challenge of the Week:


Culture Challenge of the Week: Bringing up Girls

This week my little girl -- and, youngest child -- becomes an adult. It is a strange feeling to suddenly become the mother of only adult children -- an odd transition that no one says much about, but is one of many monumental and emotional passages that comprise the "empty nest" era.

As Kristin turns 18 and prepares to leave our home for college, I am overwhelmed with gratitude -- so deeply thankful -- that God picked me to be her mommy.

She has always been a delightful child, and I am so proud of the woman she has become. A stellar student, a joyful human being, thoughtful and warm, and at once both out-going and humble.

Kristin is a mother’s dream come true.

I marvel that even in the midst of a culture that brainwashes so many girls to flaunt their sexual power, focus on selfish desires, and throw traditional morality and chastity to the wind, Kristin has managed to see through the lies and discover what is highest and best. Please know that although I have spent many hours in prayer over my little girl and have done my very best to teach her to challenge the culture and to tower above the darkness, it is Kristin -- not me -- who has chosen her life path. I thank God every day that she has chosen well. That she has chosen Him.

The great heartbreak is that our nation’s little girls are in danger, and many of them are ill-equipped to realize it.

Dr. James Dobson, author of the new book, Bringing up Girls, describes the many disturbing threats and behaviors that mark this generation of young women. Among them: "A rising incidence of eating disorders, including anorexia and bulimia," cutting and self-mutilation, sexual aggression, binge drinking, and a growing trend of middle class girls to strip and even perform sex acts for cash.

Through the years, Dr. Dobson’s advice has helped me raise Kristin. I’ve read and listened to his teachings throughout my parenthood. And, I’m so grateful -- on behalf of other parents and their little girls too -- that Dr. Dobson has now compiled years of research and experience into one practical handbook to ensure that more girls reach their full potential and become women known for their sterling character and goodness. I’m also grateful that he is continuing to share his wonderful wisdom on the air through his new radio show, Family Talk, which he is co-hosting with his fine son, Ryan. (You can learn more at www.MyFamilyTalk.com)


How to Save Your Daughter

Dr. Dobson and his lovely wife, Shirley, are two of my all time favorite heroes.

In addition to serving as mentors and counselors to millions around the world through the powerful ministries they have led -- including Focus on the Family and the National Day of Prayer -- they succeeded in applying the principles they preach to raising their own inspiring and wonderful daughter, Danae. Although I’ve spent years researching and writing about parenting, family and cultural issues, I still marvel at the unique insights, timeless wisdom and practical help Dr. Dobson continues to offer parents. Bringing up Girls: Practical advice and encouragement for those shaping the next generation of women is a masterpiece, containing a treasure trove of advice and encouragement.

If you have daughters, nieces, granddaughters, or female cousins; if you work with girls in any way; Bringing up Girls can help you help them succeed in every area of their lives. Dr. Dobson opens the book by giving us a peek into the female nature, teaching us to appreciate what he calls "The Wonderful World of Girls." He has chapters on the unique, powerful, and different influences that fathers and mothers have on their little girls, and teaches how you can build a close relationship with your own.

He tackles controversial issues like "The Obsession with Beauty," "Bullies, Buddies, and Best Friends," and dedicates an entire chapter to the toughest and most common questions facing parents of girls. Most of all, Dr. Dobson inspires parents to love their daughters enough to take the time to connect with them, to be involved in their lives, and to dare to question the status quo.

As my own daughter prepares to enter adulthood as an honorable, giving, loving human being, my hat goes off to Dr. James Dobson for providing the tools parents need to help their little girls leave home that way too. Yes, your daughter will ultimately choose her own path, but Bringing Up Girls equips you to help her clearly see the right one.



If you read this newsletter on a regular basis, then you can probably tell that one of my great privileges is to promote people and ideas and organizations that help you succeed in this great adventure called, "parenthood." My desire is to help you strengthen your relationship with your children, grow their faith in God, and equip them to tower above the pop culture. I also want to give you and your friends encouragement each week.

Please take a few minutes to forward this e-mail to five people you know -- pastors, youth workers, teachers, friends -- anyone who has children in their life! Let them know they can receive it for free each week in their own inbox just by taking one minute to sign up at www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com.

Thank you, and have a blessed week!

The sign that the End is near

Two articles came across my path recently. And they set my teeth a gritting.

The first was an article about what accounts for infidelity. Seriously, expecting some words of wisdom and slap you around advice (like, you have to ask this?), I skimmed the article. Wait, slow down, because it didn't really say that. Oh yes it did. Infidelity is whatever you & your spouse agree it to be. If you and your partner agree that having an open sexual relationship is okay, then it's okay. If you're not in to that but they are and you feel comfortable with their extra sexual activities, have at it.

Unsubscribe to those life tips thank you very much. And we wonder what is wrong with the world today. Our grandparents thought the 60's were bad? Free everything and tolerance for any open behavior runs rampant and people are afraid to stand up and say NO and that's enough. What, if any, values - or examples of values - are being left for our children & their children?


Next is today's MSN article about this new growling female title - The Cougar. The first time I heard that term (because I am still very sheltered apparently) was in September. From my husband, who enlightened me. Whatever. Since then, it's become the new standard we women, approaching middle age, have to live up to. Demi Moore in her fabulous beauty at 47 is our goal. Including the many years younger boy toy she married. The article talks about the problems arising from the New Cougars taking the nation. The problems arising - for their own daughters, as these vivacious mothers seek out their high school boy "friends" to hook up with.

This makes me physically ill. I enjoyed thinking "this kids a punk" watching some of the boys recently - and enjoyed the realization that, yes, I've finally become my mother (thanks MOM!) and a parent that can recognize a punk (similar to the punks I dated) when I see one. I enjoyed actually being an ADULT and not WANTING to date the punk any longer. For Pete's sake.

Get over yourselves! Yes we want to always be our best, beautiful, sexy (heck yes), attractive, fit, alive - and at times, downright Hot. We don't grow out of that secretly. But draw the line! Draw the line! Now it's acceptable for these poor 40+ something women to prowl their teenage daughters friends, because they've given themselves to wifeyhood & motherhood too long and missed their youth, so their trumping their adolescent daughter's? (Oh, so sad - anyone got a hanky? I feel a tear..)

And the advice? for the daughters?


1) Have Girl Time. 2) Tell her what you need. 3) Dont' give up.


Hear my dripping sarcasm as I type the advice. How about get your mom some sex addict therapy and a lobotomy. This is the advice MOM's and PARENTS get to bond with their teens as they go through adolescence.

You need a license to have a pet but you don't need anything to be a parent. Wait, these aren't parents... maybe the kids should have a license to attempt to raise their mothers?

Book of the Day: So Sexy So Soon

Authors: Levin/Kilbourne

Elementary-school children playing the rape game and young teens engaged in oral sex are only a fraction of the sexualized behavior young children are displaying, to the horror of their parents. Victoria’s Secret is selling thongs to girls as young as 8, and the Bratz doll is outselling Barbie, who is viewed as no stranger to sexualized images herself. Levin and Kilbourne, experts in childhood development, explore the troubling trends in ramped-up childhood sexuality; the implications for sexuality and relationships; and the potential for such trends to lead to pathological sexual behavior. The authors offer disturbing research on the pressure on young children, particularly girls, to dress and act in sexually provocative ways long before they are able to understand what they are doing. They also explore the marketing of sex to young children through television and the Internet. Intended for parents of children ranging in age from 4 to 12, this book offers helpful advice about what parents can do to protect their children from hypersexualized cultural influences. --Vanessa Bush

The authors (Levin is a professor of education; Kilbourne, an authority on the effects of advertising) accuse the media of sexualizing children. Constantly, American children are exposed to a barrage of sexual images in television, movies, music and the Internet. They are taught young that buying certain clothes, consuming brand-name soft drinks and owning the right possessions will make them sexy and cool—and being sexy and cool is the most important thing. Young men and women are spoon-fed images that equate sex with violence, paint women as sexually subservient to men and encourage hooking up rather than meaningful connections. The result is that kids are having sex younger and with more partners than ever before. Eating disorders and body image issues are common as early as grade school. Levin and Kilbourne stress that there is nothing wrong with a young person's natural sexual awakening, but it is wrong to allow a young person's sexuality to be hijacked by corporations who want them as customers. The authors offer advice on how parents can limit children's exposure to commercialized sex, and how parents can engage kids in constructive, age-appropriate conversation about sex and the media. One need only read the authors' anecdotes to see why this book is relevant. (Sept.) Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Teenage Depression: Hagelin: Cultural Challenge of the Week:

www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com

The least discussed human illnesses are those that deal with the brain. Yet, so many of our young people are suffering with various brain disorders, including depression and anxiety, that I believe it is way past time that we work to help remove the stigma.

The good news is that brain disorders (also known as mental illnesses) are highly treatable in this modern era. No one who suffers should be afraid, or ashamed, or embarrassed to ask for help. But, most who suffer do not ever ask for intervention because they either don't know help exists or they fear the response from their loved ones.

Mental illnesses are largely caused by chemical imbalances -- much like diabetes is a result of an imbalance in the blood system. When someone has diabetes, we have no problem recognizing that they often need to be treated with injections of insulin. But, many in our society still can't accept the fact that medications can be the "miracle" that can make life happy and normal again for those who suffer from depression.

This is particularly true when the one who is ill is a teenager. This has got to change. That's why I have made teenage depression the focus of this week's culture challenge:

Culture Challenge of the Week: Teenage Depression

You would think that teenagers growing up in the most prosperous society in history would be abundantly joyful. Even in these economic days of woe, teenagers spend an estimated 200 billion dollars a year on trinkets, toys, music and the latest fashions.

My goodness! Compared to the rest of the world our teenagers live like royalty.

Yet, recent studies show that the rate of teenage depression and mental illness is at an all-time high. And, while the general incidence of suicide has decreased in the United States in the past 25 years, it has tripled among young people ages 15 to 24. According to the Centers for Disease Control, suicide is the third leading cause of death in adolescents.

A recent study led by San Diego State University psychology professor Jean Twenge reports that compared to high school and college students in the Great Depression era, there are five times as many youth today that suffer from anxiety and mental health issues.

The causes of depression and anxiety can range from a genetic predisposition to a variety of illnesses. And, a pop culture filled with empty messages of "love 'em and leave 'em" -- a devaluation of human life -- the fact that 40 percent of children live in a broken home and an emphasis on materialism is enough to make even the healthiest child wonder if her life really matters. The harsh reality is that children from broken homes are five-times more likely to commit suicide than their peers from intact families.

Our pop culture is preoccupied with "liberating" children and teens from their parents, churches and traditional morality -- the three anchors which contribute to the development of healthy minds and spirits. They have been replaced with the rampant promotion of pornography, a doctrine of sexual experimentation, and a self-centered view of the world as evidenced by parents who think nothing of destroying a child's world and heart through divorce. Even teens from healthy homes are often afraid to enter the world on their own with all of its ills.

Our children are crying – literally – for a change.

How to Save Your Family from being lost in depression

Real depression and brain disorders are serious illnesses that must be taken just as seriously. The worst thing you as a parent can do if you suspect that your child is suffering from what still remains the most stigmatized of human conditions is to ignore him, or tell your child to “just snap out of it.”

It's incredibly disturbing that in this beautiful nation with all of our blessings and the wonders of medical science that people -- both adults and teens -- with mental illnesses are often afraid to seek treatment. Ignorance, public scorn, and a health system that doesn't seem to recognize the need for robust mental health services are a blight on America.

If you suspect that your child is plagued by depression, find out for certain. Whether due to a genetic condition or the emptiness of our culture, such suffering requires help -- and human decency demands it.

Know the signs. According to the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (www.NAMI.org), indicators of depression include:

* feeling persistently sad or blue;

* talking about suicide or being better off dead;

* becoming suddenly much more irritable;

* having a marked deterioration in school or home functioning;

* reporting persistent physical complaints and/or making many visits to school nurses;

* failing to engage in previously pleasurable activities or interactions with friends; and

* abusing substances.



The brain is a complex organ still shrouded in mystery. What we do know is that a brain can fall ill just as easily as a heart, lung, or blood system. Medical professionals will tell you that treatment options are vast and include psychotherapy as well as medicines. What they often don’t include, however, is the critical component of spiritual counseling.

The most successful treatments are comprehensive in nature and minister to the body, mind, emotions, and spirit. To get help for your child, start by looking into the life-giving resources available at www.meierclinics.com.



Many thanks for your continued support of this newsletter and my efforts to help strengthen our family relationships. If you find these e-mails helpful, please forward them on to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. As always, they can do so for free through my Web site, www.HowToSaveYourFamily.com.

This week, why not do something special for each member of your family to remind them that you love them and are committed to them as long as you live? As you reach out in a deliberate way with a tangible act of your love, you will be one step closer to building the close relationship that you crave.

Recessions Silver Lining: Man Up

Matt is great with the kids at home. If I was laid off, there probably wouldn't be any question or raised eyebrows to my time at home while on unemployment. I find it interesting people's reactions to a "man" staying home with the family. I enjoyed this article. It also addresses the pressure to maintain a "non maternal" persona in the work place. So ridiculous, the pressure we create on ourselves in society. Child rearing is important! They are the next generation so why do we have them if we as a society don't place a great importance on actually partaking in the rearing, whether mother or father? I don't think McKenna will need counseling when Matt attends her field trip in my place on Monday, or Kayla will be debilitated because I take her out to lunch instead of her dad. Parents are teams working together for the same outcome - stable, individual, directed and well loved young adults.


By Kathleen Deveny | NEWSWEEK
Published Dec 4, 2009
From the magazine issue dated Dec 14, 2009


Like many people who work in industries that have been battered by the recession, I am absolutely thrilled to have a job. And like many who fear the next round of layoffs, I am on my very best behavior at work. (Click here to follow Kathleen Deveny).

Which means that when I have to take my daughter to the pediatrician or cut out early to attend her school's winter concert, I will probably lie and say I have to go to my own doctor instead. I am lucky to have reasonably flexible work hours, and an extremely flexible boss. But in an era of rampant job insecurity, it seems indefensible to request time off to hear my kid sing an Italian folk song—or get her a flu shot. Wouldn't that time be better spent doubling my productivity or developing new revenue streams?

Other working mothers sometimes employ the same strategy. When I heard that a friend had gone home sick recently, I e-mailed her to make sure she was OK. "I just had to take [Junior] to the doctor," came the response. "What was I supposed to do?" she asked, when called on her deception. "I'm worried about my job, but my kid has had a cough for four weeks!"

With schools winding down for the holidays, the flu season picking up, and unemployment topping 10 percent, anxiety has never been more acute for many working parents. That is especially true of working mothers. America is approaching a milestone: women are about to hold more than 50 percent of jobs for the first time, in part because men have been hit harder by layoffs. And yet women still shoulder the bulk of child-care responsibilities because of retrograde family roles, school-event schedules, and employers' attitudes. All of which can force an otherwise honest woman to fib.

In part, the reaction is rational. Maternal profiling is real. When a working father takes time off to watch a ballet recital, he's seen as noble. When a working mother rushes out of the office to care for a case of head lice, she's more likely to be labeled undependable. Mothers looking for work are less likely to be hired, are offered lower salaries, and are perceived to be less committed than fathers or women without children, according to a 2005 report by Shelley Correll, now an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University. And according to a 2007 survey by Elle/MSNBC.com, female bosses are twice as likely than their male counterparts to be seen as having family obligations interfere with work.

Sure, working dads do more chores around the house than their fathers did. But the waiting room at my pediatrician's office is still invariably packed with women. Working mothers spend 60 percent more time each day on child care and household tasks than employed fathers, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. And when a father faces unemployment, he is likely to spend just one minute more per day—just one minute!—on child care. (He will, however, carve out 83 more minutes to watch TV.) Unemployed mothers, on the other hand, spend nearly twice as much time as working moms taking care of their kids, all while they too look for work.

I would like to believe that for families who can get through this economic slump in one piece—without losing jobs or health insurance or homes—these hard times might encourage a rebalancing of responsibilities. Women's salaries are now critical to the well-being of more than 40 percent of American families, and so men must do better on the home front, doing the dishes, yes, but also planning the dinner that precedes them. "I hope this will lead us past the mommy wars and to the parent wars," says Stephanie Coontz, a professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash. "We need to get away from the idea that one person has to do all the parenting."

We might also want to abandon the notion that attending every single school event is pivotal to our children's happiness. What if I told my 9-year-old that, much as I would love to attend her class holiday party, I have to work instead? She would be upset—I would be upset—and then we would get over it. I can't imagine it would come up in future psychotherapy sessions.

Maybe the recession is good for more than just rebalancing family roles. Maybe it can bring a new level of sobriety to parenting itself. "I love this recession for families," says Wendy Mogel, a clinical psychologist and author. "It's helping kids learn to tolerate disappointment and frustration." I'm not sure I love the recession. And I'll probably go to the class party anyway. But at least now I'll admit it to my boss. Maybe.

Find this article at
http://www.newsweek.com/id/225532

FOTF: Your teen & pediatrician

I completely agree - this has been an issue lately with McKenna and some serious drugs the doctors are trying to "encourage" (more like push her in to it) her to take, without any regard to me as the parent. Pretty silly because 1) who do they think will be "buying" the medication? 2) picking AND PAY for the prescription; and 3) making the determination what doctor she goes to? It doesn't make sense with her at 13, for a doctor to alienate a loving, responsible, involved and cooperative parent.

Should a parent expect to be informed of their child's conversation with their doctor?

Teenagers are typically sensitive and modest about their bodies — especially when their parents are around — so I can understand the need for privacy during a physical exam. The larger issue here, however, is the physician's accountability to you as the mother, and at this point, I agree entirely with the position you have taken. Other parents have expressed similar concerns to me.

I'm reminded of a mother who told me that she took her 14-year-old daughter to their pediatrician for a routine physical exam. The mother was aware that her daughter was beginning to develop physically and might be sensitive to her being in the examining room with her. She offered to remain in the waiting room, but the girl objected.

"I don't want to go in there by myself," she said. "Please come with me." After arguing with her daughter for a moment, the mother agreed to accompany her to the examining room.

When the exam was over, the doctor turned to the mother and criticized her for intruding. He said in front of the girl, "You know, you really had no business being in the examining room. It is time I related directly to your daughter. You should not even be aware of the care that I give her or the medication I prescribe. Nor should you know the things that are said between us. My care of your daughter should now be a private matter between her and me."

The girl had been going through a period of rebellion, and the mother felt her authority was weakened by the doctor's comments. It was as though he were saying, "Your day of supervision of your daughter has now passed. She should now make her own decisions." Fortunately, that mother was unwilling to do as she was told and promptly found a new doctor. Good for her!

I have discussed this conversation with several pediatricians, and they have each agreed with the doctor in this case. They emphasized the importance of a youngster having someone to talk with in private. Perhaps. But I object to the autonomy demanded by the physician. Fourteen-year-old boys and girls are not grown, and their parents are still the best people to care for them and oversee their development. It is appropriate for a physician to have some private moments with a young patient, but he or she should never forget to whom accountability is owed.

Furthermore, if greater authority is to be granted to the doctor, the parent had better find out just what he or she believes about contraceptives for minors, premarital sex, spiritual matters and the like. Be careful whom you choose to trust with the body and the soul of your child.


The pace of living is so frantic today that we have become dangerously willing to accept surrogate parenting from a variety of professionals who meander through our lives. Educators, youth ministers, athletic coaches, music instructors, psychologists, counselors and physicians are there to assist parents in raising their kids — but never to replace them.