FOTF: Your teen & pediatrician

I completely agree - this has been an issue lately with McKenna and some serious drugs the doctors are trying to "encourage" (more like push her in to it) her to take, without any regard to me as the parent. Pretty silly because 1) who do they think will be "buying" the medication? 2) picking AND PAY for the prescription; and 3) making the determination what doctor she goes to? It doesn't make sense with her at 13, for a doctor to alienate a loving, responsible, involved and cooperative parent.

Should a parent expect to be informed of their child's conversation with their doctor?

Teenagers are typically sensitive and modest about their bodies — especially when their parents are around — so I can understand the need for privacy during a physical exam. The larger issue here, however, is the physician's accountability to you as the mother, and at this point, I agree entirely with the position you have taken. Other parents have expressed similar concerns to me.

I'm reminded of a mother who told me that she took her 14-year-old daughter to their pediatrician for a routine physical exam. The mother was aware that her daughter was beginning to develop physically and might be sensitive to her being in the examining room with her. She offered to remain in the waiting room, but the girl objected.

"I don't want to go in there by myself," she said. "Please come with me." After arguing with her daughter for a moment, the mother agreed to accompany her to the examining room.

When the exam was over, the doctor turned to the mother and criticized her for intruding. He said in front of the girl, "You know, you really had no business being in the examining room. It is time I related directly to your daughter. You should not even be aware of the care that I give her or the medication I prescribe. Nor should you know the things that are said between us. My care of your daughter should now be a private matter between her and me."

The girl had been going through a period of rebellion, and the mother felt her authority was weakened by the doctor's comments. It was as though he were saying, "Your day of supervision of your daughter has now passed. She should now make her own decisions." Fortunately, that mother was unwilling to do as she was told and promptly found a new doctor. Good for her!

I have discussed this conversation with several pediatricians, and they have each agreed with the doctor in this case. They emphasized the importance of a youngster having someone to talk with in private. Perhaps. But I object to the autonomy demanded by the physician. Fourteen-year-old boys and girls are not grown, and their parents are still the best people to care for them and oversee their development. It is appropriate for a physician to have some private moments with a young patient, but he or she should never forget to whom accountability is owed.

Furthermore, if greater authority is to be granted to the doctor, the parent had better find out just what he or she believes about contraceptives for minors, premarital sex, spiritual matters and the like. Be careful whom you choose to trust with the body and the soul of your child.


The pace of living is so frantic today that we have become dangerously willing to accept surrogate parenting from a variety of professionals who meander through our lives. Educators, youth ministers, athletic coaches, music instructors, psychologists, counselors and physicians are there to assist parents in raising their kids — but never to replace them.

Minority Report in real life

Minority Report. The movie that had touch screen technology, before there was touch screen technology. I said "it's coming, it's kind of cool" - some scoffed. And hey, here it is.

Minority Report. Eye recognition as you walk through your life, marketing on the side as the recognition technology identifies you and markets to your personal choice. You still don't think that's happening? Cameras are starting to be placed in towns with face recognition software for "security" (yea, right...). Facebook and all it's little cute tests & quizzes that asks to access not only your information but the information of your friends - profiling. We are inundated with information gathering technology everywhere. Phone number in the Safeway line, for your club card discounts...social networking... (sometimes I feel like they are cloning me somewhere and I've got to stop answering all those nonsense questions!).

Matt Fitzgerald - predicted 20 years ago that Pete Chadwell would one day use a computer for his drawings (how's that MAC working Pete?) and that music, all our media data would be held on a tiny chip (IPod) and he has told me, a few years ago that he can see a time where a chip will be implanted into our heads and we will simply receive our calls, our media data through that chip...

So it chills my blood a bit when I read something like this...and I dare say, it's a few more then a "smattering" of religious fundamentalist that have a problem with this.

Pay with a wave of your hand?

By CreditCards.com (NEED I SAY MORE?)

It's a simple concept, really: You inject a miniature radio frequency identifier the size of a grain of rice between your thumb and forefinger and, with a wave of your hand, unlock doors, turn on lights, start your car or pay for your drinks at an ultrachic nightspot.

The problem is, the whole concept is a little geeky for most of us, nauseating for some, Orwellian for a few and even apocalyptic for a smattering of religious fundamentalists.

Forget the science of it -- and yes, it does work remarkably well. Forget the convenience of it. Forget that similar identifying technologies, from bar codes to mag stripes, overcame similar obstacles and are now ubiquitous.

Radio frequency ID implants face a hurdle the others did not: ickiness.

"There is sort of an icky quality to implanting something," says Rome Jette, the vice president for smart cards at Versatile Card Technology, a Downers Grove, Ill., card manufacturer that ships 1.5 billion cards worldwide a year.

How RFID devices work
The RFID technology is un-yucky, however. The implanted tag -- a passive RFID device consisting of a miniature antenna and chip containing a 16-digit identification number -- is scanned by an RFID reader. Once verified, the number is used to unlock a database file, be it a medical record or payment information. Depending upon the application, a reader may verify tags at a distance of 4 inches up to about 30 feet. The RFID implant has been around for more than 20 years. In its earliest iteration, it provided a convenient way to keep track of dogs, cats and prized racehorses. Few took note or voiced much concern.

Then, in 2002, Applied Digital Solutions (now Digital Angel) of Delray Beach, Fla., deployed to its foreign distributors a beta version of its patented VeriChip technology for human use. Two years later, the VeriChip became the first subcutaneous RFID chip to receive FDA approval as a Class 2 medical device.

One VeriChip distributor in Spain sold the concept to the ultratrendy Baja Beach Club, which offered its patrons in Barcelona and Amsterdam the option of having an implant inserted in their upper arms to pay for their drinks without having to carry wallets in their swimsuits.

Judging by the ensuing outrage, you would think VeriChip had given the pope a wedgie.

'Mark of the beast'?
Web sites sprouted like mushrooms, accusing VeriChip of being the biblical "mark of the beast" predicted in the Book of Revelations as a foreshadowing of the end of the world.

Video: Protect yourself against credit, debit card hackers

CEO Scott Silverman was equally vilified as being tied to Satan or, worse, Wall Street. Big Brother was surely coming, though he'd have to get pretty close to read your implant. Claims that the tags cause cancer based on lab rat tests upped the amps of outrage.

Were people suddenly curious about RFID implants?

Continued: Reaction to the product mixed

"Curiosity is probably an understatement," Silverman concedes. "People have always taken interest in VeriChip. Part of the lore and part of the trouble of this company over the past five years has been just that."

Though VeriChip played no part in using its implant as a payment device, the company quickly moved to calmer waters. Today, it markets its VeriMed Health Link patient identification system to help hospitals treat noncommunicative patients in an emergency. Its future may include more advanced medical applications, including a biosensor system to detect glucose levels.

"A lot of the negative press that we received was a direct result of people having a misconception of what this technology is all about," says Silverman. "We believe that the medical application was and still is the best application for this technology.

"That said, if and when it does become mainstream and more patients are utilizing it for their medical records or for diagnostic purposes, if they want to elect to use it for other applications, certainly they'll be able to do that. But it's going to take a company much larger than us to distribute the retail reader end of it into the Wal-Marts of the world." Versatile's Jette has watched contactless RFID battle for acceptance in the credit card arena. Just as Silverman suggests, the dynamics and scale of the payment industry tends to work against widespread deployment.

"Mobil Speedpass tried to do it; they got some traction and decided to see if there was any mileage to take this to a Walgreens or McDonald's. You used to be able to use your Speedpass at McDonald's, but that ended because, at the end of the day, you still only have two gigantic payment processors out there, Visa and MasterCard," he says. "To me, the idea of any kind of payment device having ubiquity requires an awful lot of back-end cooperation, of people willing to say, 'I don't need my brand in the customer's wallet.'"

Although the coolness factor is effective from a marketing standpoint -- American Express Blue with its smart (if largely unused) chip is a good example -- Jette says most cardholders would balk at the very thought of a needle.

"With the implanting in the nightclubs, there is (some) cachet of exclusivity there, especially among a certain demographic where people are piercing themselves and getting tattoos. But those are things that really only 20-somethings do a lot. I really doubt that there will be any market for injectable RFID tags or even any single point-of-sale payment device."

Video: Protect yourself against credit, debit card hackers

"A lot of times, the technology is a solution looking for a problem. Sometimes people fall in love with the technology for its own sake and then try to evangelize a home for it. My business group is just smart cards, and I never forget that although we make money with smart cards, the bills are paid with mag stripe cards. As backwards and old-fashioned as they are, that is still the bulk of what the transactions are going to be in America for a very long time."

This article was reported by Jay MacDonald for CreditCards.com.

What your youth pastor and the Verizon guy have in common

Dare2Share - Greg Stier - gregstier.org

You’ve seen the commercials. The guy with the clunky glasses shows up out of nowhere with the network of people standing behind him. He gently reminds the naysayer (who is trying to scare the Verizon user with threats of “the dead zone”) that he has a network to support him.

The Verizon guy is my new favorite illustration of what youth leaders are called to be (and what’s awesome is that many of them have clunky glasses too!) Our teenagers are in “the dead zone” every day. They are getting attacked by the flesh and the world all the time. Whether it be sexual temptation, suicidal thoughts or deep-seeded anger many, if not most, of our teenagers think they are in “the dead zone” and, sometimes, they give up and give into the lies of the naysayer (one wild guess as to who he is.) The youth leader is called to show up to rebuke the naysayer and remind the teen that they are covered.

Who is supposed to be in the network that supports these teeangers as they are attacked by the lies of the naysayer?

Moms and dads: According to Deuteronomy 6 God calls parents to be the primary network of spiritual support at home. Parents are called to live out their faith authentically in front of their kids and bring up the faith consistently to their kids.

Christian adults: According to Titus 2 older men and to be a role model for the younger men and older women are to teach and train the younger women. In other words, EVERY Christian adult has a built in next generation responsibility to be a part of the support network for the next generation in their own congregation!

How dare we entrust ten, fifty or a hundred teenagers to a single youth leader to spiritually mentor singlehandedly! It takes a network of godly Christian adults to support the teenagers in the dead zone and ward off the lies of the Evil One. And, no, I’m not just referring to adults who volunteer to help out with the youth group. Of course they play a huge role. But so should every Christian adult in the church! We are all responsible to encourage the next generation, set the pace for them with our lives and do our best to challenge them to live of “uninterupted service” to Jesus.

The Holy Trinity: The primary “network” of support for every teenager is The Trinity. According to Christ’s high priestly prayer in John 17 Jesus invites us into the fellowship of community with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit every single day. He wants us to be one with Him and them as they are one with each other. I don’t know for sure all that means, but it’s pretty awesome. What a blessed fellowship! What a powerful network (do you think “G3″ could stand for the three persons in the Godhead? G3. Get it? Okay maybe not.)

In many ways the youth leader is the point where all of these categories can come together to support a teenager. The youth leader is standing out front reminding the teenager that there is an entire group of adults, parents and Divine personalities supporting them so that they can know they are covered anywhere they go!

Let this illustration serve as a reminder to us as parents and adults that we are to stand behind our youth leader as they stand behind our teenagers. Let’s not leave our youth leaders in the dead zone. They need our support as they support our teenagers.

Let it serve as a reminder to our youth leaders that they can’t do this job alone. They must call forth their entire support network (parents, adults and the Trinity) to get the job done right.

It’s enough to make me want to go out and buy some clunky glasses (on second thought…no.)

Morning Thoughts

Yesterday morning as I drove Kayla & Sara to school, we got on the topic of age. Maybe it was my impending 41st birthday. Kayla said something like, "well think about how you will feel when you are 52!". I said "you know I was thinking about that just last week, about being on my way to 50! I mean, mentally it seems weird because I still feel like I've always felt-young (never mind the constant back pain, joint aches, groans as I stand up or roll out of bed...). But 50... and Grandpa Bob pointed out to me I'm closer to 60 than 20 and that I have aged hands".

Nice Pa... ;}"

Today driving in to work my random play on the IPod brought up this moving Matchbox 20 song that I love. And it set me on some reflecting. At the end of your life, who will be with you to hold your hand? Who have we touched during our time here? More importantly, will we be there for the one that needs our hand?

My blog definition is conduit and I am constantly striving for information and I suppose, maybe I have a bit of teacher in me because my hearts desire is to pass along the information to help anyone that might need just that message at that moment. As I contemplate the fact that time really is marching on, our family is getting older & growing, our first kids are close to vacating our home, I hope, with deep sincerity that I made a difference somewhere, that those around me know I love them with the fierceness of family and during the battle of life or in the end, when our beauty has faded, a hand will be there to carry us through as we move to the next place of life.


Now Comes the Night:

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No, you will not be forgotten
No, you will not be alone

And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid

When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
And I will not let you down

Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains
So just slide over here
Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
Until the end of our days

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
No you will not be alone

Love for the Long Haul - FOTF

by Mitch Temple

I'll never forget the counseling session with Al and Olivia. They had been high school sweethearts and, now in their mid-50s, had been married almost 35 years. Al was about to retire after 25 years at a paper mill. Olivia was a registered nurse. They had three grown children and six grandchildren.

Al sat stone-faced in the corner chair in my office. Olivia fought back tears as she explained why they were there. "Al says he doesn't love me anymore. He's found someone else."

"Al, is this the situation?" I asked.

He cleared his throat and spoke softly, "Yeah, I guess it's so."

I listened as they both explained how they put so much energy into raising kids and building careers that they forgot to love each other and nurture their marriage. After the kids moved out, Al and Olivia never discovered how to reconnect and fill the gap of an empty nest.

Olivia recounted the wasted years of living two separate lives. She confessed that she had neglected Al sexually and domestically. "He poured himself into his job. I poured myself into the kids and my nursing career," Olivia said.

Al added, "We kept drifting apart. I knew what I was doing was wrong; I was too proud to ask for help."

After a brief pause, I quietly asked, "So are you guys going to call it quits after 35 years? Is this the best answer?" Al stared out the window, and Olivia looked at the floor. "You are both believers. Is this what God wants?"

I continued to ask pointed, painful questions over the next three hours. I knew this couple was on the brink of divorce, and I probably had only one shot at helping them.

At one point, tears rolled down Al's rough face as he said, "I think I have gone too far. I don't think I can pull it back together. I don't think Olivia can forgive me. I don't think I can forgive myself. It's too late."

I looked at Al and said, "Al, it's never too late to do the right thing. You and Olivia have too much to give up. God loves you but dislikes the way you are trying to solve your marriage problems—especially when they can be corrected and prevented."
Reality Check

Toward the end of the session, we had made some progress but not enough. Al had to be challenged to make a decision. So did Olivia. Would she take Al back after he had been emotionally unfaithful?

I handed them two pieces of paper. "Al, Olivia, I haven't heard either of you make a strong commitment to work on your marriage. So what I'm asking you to do right now is write a letter to your children and to your grandchildren explaining that you are going to divorce. Be assured that they will want to know why. They have a right; this affects them as well."

I walked out, leaving them to face the truth, and I prayed earnestly. When I walked back into the room 10 minutes later, Al sat with his head in his hands. Olivia sat quietly with her paper in her lap.

"I can't do it," Al said. Olivia shook her head in agreement. The reality that 35 years of irretrievable investments was about to be lost had set in.
Salvageable

For four months, I worked with Olivia and Al, teaching them how to make changes that would bring back intimacy and purpose to their marriage. One of the things that led them to the point of desperation is that they had stopped doing the things that brought them together in the first place.

They had to reconnect with each other by going back to their dating days from the '60s: pizza and a movie every Friday night. Then they learned how to forgive each other for unfaithfulness in similar but different ways. They stopped keeping score of wrongdoings. They connected daily, even when they didn't feel like it.

They began to study God's Word together for the first time in more than 30 years. Instead of fighting to solve problems, they got on their knees and asked God to help them. They resumed intimacy in the bedroom after sleeping in separate rooms for 10 years. They rediscovered the value of touching, listening and walking together.

Two years ago I received a Christmas card with no return address. There was no writing inside, only a picture of Al and Olivia's large family: several young couples, numerous kids and a balding man and a beautiful, mature lady with gleaming eyes that said, "We did it!"

With the right spirit and actions, any marriage can be restored.
This article first appeared in the Midlife & Beyond Edition of the April, 2007 issue of Focus on the Family magazine. Copyright © 2007, Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

Dressing Standards redress...

I wish I did have my head in the sand.

But alas, I need it out with eyes wide open. And I see clearly the blatant sexualization of our society, pointedly targeting our young people - and those that feel strip joints next to Safeco field or naked girls in the WHS student section are a good way to "educate your children".

IF it were only a few girls, I wouldn't have bothered to write the paper. But it wasn't. Just next to us alone there was a large section of girls running up & down the stairs in pretty inappropriate dress. And I mean inappropriate. Shredded shirts? I was pointing out the near nakedness of Woodinville daughters. I don't know about the last 20 years, all I can attest to is what several of us saw & discussed the night we were there and what we've seen allowed at even the junior high over the years.

I have been thanked by numerous parents for my letter to the editor so apparently I'm not a lone voice, just the only one to point it out publicly.

My intent was not to attack or point out any particular department or group. I did not mention the football team, the cheerleaders or the great band. Kudo's to them all - fabulous! Rather, the intent was to address a problem in the student body that seemed district wide, seemingly ignored by administration, which among many of us is disheartening to see at Woodinville. Football is a great sport, one our family loves and this should not be the reason anyone stays home.

I was not allowed to participate as a volunteer for the Homecoming dance last weekend, even though I was encouraged to call because they were begging for parent chaperons. Maybe I should be using a pen name since we'll be in this district for 11 more years. I was told by an ASB adult that 20 parents and "whatever teachers decided to show up" was enough to chaperon 600+ kids and that I could not volunteer. I can't help but find that very interesting indeed.

Maybe, just maybe, a different type of education might take place for everyone, if our girls - at school - were expected to not dress like they were preparing for the show at the local Grab N Go.

Swine Flu bologna

I almost divorced Matt yesterday. He almost gave in to the need for the flu shot. I looked him squarely in the eye, put my maternal back up and said "if you want to put that in to your own body, go ahead. But this is one area I feel VERY strongly about when it comes to the kids. We don't have a right to put thimeresol in to them and it's not worth it. They aren't going to die from getting the flu and I'm not giving in". He, being a good and smart husband, smiled & let it go.

Now McKenna is sick. With some Swine Flu symptoms. And some regular flu symptoms. So I reluctantly looked up the symptoms of Swine Flu this morning. And?

"Most U.S. swine flu patients have made a full recovery without antiviral drugs." My point exactly.

When the Swine Flu thing hit, I wondered what all the hubub was about. Sure, some people died, but we get the flu, a different strain, every year. And people die every year from the flu. Usually because they have other contributing factors.

And every year we hear about how the flu vaccine may not be the one for the exact type of flu you get. So what's the point of the shot? We stopped getting the flu shot years ago and we make it through every winter.

The Swine Flu quickly gets labeled a pandemic by the WHO (who?), which quickly gets funding from the government to the pharmaceutical companies (who are our friends right? - I mean they have not interest in profit...) to come up with a vaccine.

The media combines with the government to create a panic or "deep concern" among the general population so that we are ready to line up when the vaccination is released.

Then the testing begins... I shudder to think of using myself or my child as a test subject (knowingly) for a new vaccine.

2 weeks ago I hear an ad on the radio about the "flu" and what you can do, blah blah blah - never have I heard so much attention paid to this annual event. I go home and mention it to Matt and then I say to him "ahhhhh, the Swine Flu vaccine is going to be released I bet and they are ramping up the "cause" so people will be "ready" with fear to be injected".

Sure enough, the very next day (maybe it was two), the news report is released that the Swine Flu Vaccine is coming to Seattle.

So for 6 months they will inject this in to people, something that is still at question to serious adverse effects. Just this morning I woke to a news report about 600 kids have been used for testing the vaccine and it'll be years before we know what adverse effects will come of it. Shame on us for allowing the medical industry to use our children as guinea pigs.

Do we really think the pharmaceutical companies will EVER allow a link to be made between vaccines and mental disorders? Do we have any idea how much money they make off of their product? This is probably just as big an issue as the Tobacco companies hiding for years the fact their product was made to be addictive, to ensure their financial survival. The same with the pain killer addiction epidemic that has overtaken our country and teenagers, as pain killers are made readily available for any condition and prescribed and pushed by doctors and the pharmaceutical companies without accountability or responsibility, because it is a revenue generating industry.

So below is a Seattle Times report on the vaccination, followed by a very interesting reader's response.

My family will be staying put. It'll be interesting to see if this "pandemic" of epic proportions creates the need to force citizens to line up anyway.

State lifts limit on mercury preservative in swine-flu shots
By Sandi Doughton

Seattle Times science reporter

In preparation for swine-flu vaccinations next month, Washington's Health Department on Thursday temporarily suspended a rule that limits the amount of a mercury preservative in vaccines given to pregnant women and children under the age of 3.

The preservative, thimerosal, has never been linked to any health problems, said Secretary of Health Mary Selecky. But a vocal minority believes the compound could be linked to autism. The state Legislature adopted the limit in 2006.

Thimerosal has been eliminated from most vaccines in the United States, but it will be added to the bulk of the swine-flu vaccine being produced to stem a pandemic that health officials estimate could sicken more than a third of the state's residents.

Pregnant women and young children are considered at high risk for swine flu, and lifting the mercury limits will give them quicker access to the vaccine, Selecky said.

"It's vital that everyone in a high-risk group has the choice to be vaccinated when swine-flu vaccine becomes available," she said.

About 15 percent of the vaccine supply will be mercury-free, but people may have to wait longer for it to become available.

U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said Thursday that 6 million to 7 million doses of the vaccine will be available the first week in October, mainly in the form of a nasal spray called FluMist.

About 40 million flu shots should be ready by the middle of October, with an additional 10 million to 20 million doses rolling off the assembly lines every week after that for a total of 250 million doses.

"We will have enough vaccine to immunize every American who wants to be immunized," Sebelius said in a briefing. "But it won't all be available at the same time."

The vaccine itself will be free, Sebelius said, but health-care providers can charge to administer it.

Thimerosal will be added to the vaccine because it is being produced in vials that contain enough medication for 10 shots. The mercury compound kills bacteria, lowering the risk that the drug will be contaminated by needles used to withdraw separate doses.

"Every time you introduce a needle, you run a risk of introducing a potential contaminant," said Dr. Tony Marfin, state epidemiologist for infectious disease.

Mercury-free vaccine will be produced in single-dose vials. Nasal sprays do not contain mercury but are not recommended for children under the age of 2 and pregnant women, because they contain live, weakened virus.

An analysis published Thursday also found that the nasal spray is less effective than shots in adults under 50.

Selecky said the law limiting the mercury preservative will be suspended for six months and applies only to the swine-flu vaccines.

Once common in vaccines, thimerosal has been largely phased out in most wealthy nations. Children's vaccines in the United States are almost exclusively mercury-free, single-dose injections.

However, numerous studies have found no link between thimerosal and disorders in children.

Early results with the new vaccine against swine flu, technically known as H1N1, show it quickly induces a strong immune response, and most people over the age of 10 will require only a single dose.

The rate of side effects also appears to be low. Out of nearly 44,000 people inoculated in China, 14 "adverse events" have been reported, all very mild, said Dr. Marie-Paule Kieny, director of the World Health Organization's (WHO) Initiative for Vaccine Research.

WHO and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) will carefully monitor side effects, she said.

After 1976's mass vaccination against a different swine-flu strain, about 500 people developed a neurological disorder called Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS), and some died.

Scientists still haven't figured out why, but there has never again been a connection between flu vaccine and GBS, Marfin said.

Americans are often blasé about flu, with less than half of people — including health-care workers — bothering to get annual shots.

One reason may be that flu shots are not as effective as many other vaccines, offering about 60 to 70 percent protection against the seasonal virus. That's largely because scientists have to guess which strains will be circulating each year.

With swine flu, they know exactly which strain is involved, said Dr. Anne Schuchat, chief health officer for the CDC's H1N1 response. "We would expect the vaccine to be very effective against the disease we are seeing."

But will it be ready in time?

"Right now we're in a race with the virus and the vaccine," she said.

Flu usually peaks in Washington in February and March, but the new swine-flu strain is already hitting the region. Both Washington State University and the University of Washington have reported outbreaks, and absenteeism exceeds 10 percent at some local schools.

The state is working with clinics, doctors, hospitals and others to set up inoculation programs — and bracing for crowds.

"We are expecting high interest," Selecky said.

Sandi Doughton: 206-464-2491 or sdoughton@seattletimes.com

Readers Comment (not mine):

"I don't know. The whole thimerosal-autism issue smells bad to me. It's curious to me how everyone in the media and politics is very careful not to mention the stakes involved for the pharmaceutical companies if it was determined that their vaccines were causing autism and the lengths they might go to to protect themselves.

Before 1989 children routinely received only 3 vaccines before first grade. In 1989 the rate of autism was 1 in 2,500 children.

Ten years later in 1999, after much lobbying from the drug companies, the CDC started recommending 22 vaccines before the first grade. By 2003, with the dramatically increased rates of vaccinations, 1 in 166 children were inflicted with autism. It should have been a national crisis.

The CDC and their partner research communities denied the link between vaccines and autism and at first produced a study in 2001 that said the link could be neither accepted or rejected. By 2004, they managed to come up with another test that said evidence seemed to "favor" a rejection of a link.

Even though they were are continuing to strongly claim that thimerosal is harmless, the CDC and the drug companies decided that they should remove thimerosal from vaccines "just in case."

http://www.autismcoach.com/Autism%20Declines%20When%20Mercur

So there *might* be some evidence that after thimerosal was removed or discouraged in child vaccines that the rate of autism dropped by 35%.

I don't know if this is true or not, or if proper scientific research methods were use. What is fishy to me is how swift and vigorous the CDC and the medical establishment is to smear researchers who find anything suggesting a link between thimerosal and autism. It is also fishy that the data is being guarded so closely and denied to the research community.

Did the autism rate in fact drop significantly after thimerosal was removed? This is a very important question. It can't be that hard to get a rough but scientifically valid measure of the autism rate. We are talking about a 35% drop...that should be easy to accept or reject.

The CDC, who owns the data, remains silent. This is fishy.

Instead of finding the truth and real answers, the efforts appear to be applied to building walls around the data and destroying researchers who suggest any kind of a link.

I don't really know one way or the other, but from my remote vantage point, there is something very disingenuous going on.

And now, years after removing thimerosal from vaccines, they are approving it for swine flu vaccinations? For children as well?"

This Is the End - Martha Brockenbrough

The dying words of famous people
By Martha Brockenbrough

This is my last column for Encarta, a job I've had for nine years. In the grand scheme, that isn't a lot of time. But it does amount to more than half of my career and about a quarter of my life, not to mention hundreds of thousands of words.
For me, anyway, it's a big deal.

There's a lot of pressure to make my last words here great ones, which is why I've been thinking about the subject with the help of a delightful little book compiled by Ray Robinson called "Famous Last Words: Fond Farewells, Deathbed Diatribes and Exclamations Upon Expiration." I'm not the first writer to have a little morbid fun with other people's dying utterances.

The novelist John Green in "Looking for Alaska" made last words his main character's hobby. The ones he credits to Leo Tolstoy are perhaps my favorite: "The truth is … I care a great deal … what they …."

What does he care a great deal about? What is on the lunch menu? What they discovered living in his giant, puffy beard? We'll never know -- and I do love a good mystery.
Maybe even more appropriate for me is the novel "elsewhere," by Gabrielle Zevin. It's about a dead 15-year-old whose last word is "um" -- oddly fitting for someone fatally interrupted in the midst of age-appropriate confusion.

"Um" almost works here.

It's much more honest than "I am ready," the last gasp of President Woodrow Wilson. It's more appealing than "Get my swan costume ready," last uttered by the ballerina Anna Pavlova.

(Besides, my family owns a one-size-fits-all chicken suit, which is very useful for lessons in the difference between lie and lay.)

The question is: What do I really want someone else to say for me?
If I had regrets to express, I might quote the economist John Maynard Keynes, who said, "I wish I had drunk more champagne." If he'd lived to see this economy, he might have said a lot more. (Keynes was a big fan of public-works spending; it would be a celebratory thing.)

If I wanted to go for a good laugh, maybe I'd quote General John Sedgwick, a Union army commander.

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist-" he said, just before he was fatally shot in the face. But really, there's only so much comedy you can milk out of fatal face shootings. (Non-lethal face shootings are a much more fertile subject. See Cheney, Dick: fun hunting trips with friends.)

If I were totally unethical, I could quote Warren G. Harding, one of our most corrupt presidents (and coiner of the word "normalcy.") As he lay dying, he said, "That's good. Go on, read some more," which I could say was his endorsement of my goal with this column: to interest people in a topic and encourage them to seek more knowledge.

That would be taking things wildly out of context, though. Harding's wife was reading a puff piece about him in the Saturday Evening Post and he didn't want the flattery to end. Then again, maybe taking things out of context is the right unethical way to honor Harding.
I could go for a bit of gauzy poetry, too. Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb, illuminated his wife with a tantalizing message. "It's very beautiful over there," he said. (Was he going toward the light? Is heaven lit with 60-watt bulbs -- or more? And was Jennifer Love Hewitt's "Ghost Whisperer" there?)

I wish I could say that what's next for me with any certainty (beyond the compact fluorescent bulb, which is what I've stocked my office with). The truth is that the writer's life is much as the journalist and satirist Ambrose Bierce described in a letter before he disappeared in Mexico when he was 71.

"As to me," he wrote, "I leave here tomorrow for an unknown destination."

So do I, and this is one of the hardest parts about making a living with words. You really don't know what's next, and unless you're James Patterson, there's no such thing as a sure thing. But that's also what keeps it interesting. That, and the great exchanges I've had with my editors and readers. Those are the connections that turn the act of making a living into a life full of joy and meaning.

I think, though, my favorite set of last words comes from Karl Marx. It's especially appropriate given that my first real newspaper article, written for my college newspaper 21 years ago, was about his associate Friedrich Engels. The headline read: "New Marks from Engels" -- a cheesy pun that still delights me.
Marx said, "Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough."

I think that's good advice. And besides, I've had a glimmer of an idea about starting a whole new category of last utterances, one that reflects my work with the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar.

So I'm not going to give any last words here. Instead, I'm choosing a final bit of punctuation, the one that shows an omission, a pause, or a thought that's trailing off, or more hopefully, marching ahead. So go ahead, read my ellipsis, however you choose ...

http://spotlight.encarta.msn.com/Features/encnet_Features_Columns_default_article_LastWords.html?GT1=27004

A call for support

Anyone out there reading my blog (suffering through my tributes & diatribes) I need your help. I really want to grow my blog's followers so if you could forward, suggest, refer anyone to anything you find interesting on here, please do. Also, if you could go on to my blog to respond so the counters can pick up how many hits I've received, that would be awesome!

My goal is to start a series on the raising of boys from Bringing up Boys and Raising Cain that I've been listening to. I may create a separate blog for that though... thinking about it. As our girls reach adolescence it is clear to me how important it is for teens to know this stuff about the opposite sex and about themselves as well, in order to be better prepared for relationships in general. So I'm hoping to make this cross-generational.

Please lift me up in prayer for the strength to overcome my debilitating fear of failure. I have had some things placed on my heart for awhile to MOVE and the new message series at church is The Thin Place where He is saying "okay, get on with it, here it is, yes, go, yes this is Me, okay Becky, (sigh) again it goes like this....get out of your seat!" Yea, I can be a little SLOW and resistant to change (me? No way!) and I recognize it's purely fear driven.

And the pressure on our time is tremendous I have to admit. I have a library of books next to my bed & in our house on about numerous life issues that I haven't gotten to. Matt jokes me that he thinks you can pick up the content of the book by osmosis, if you read the title and what it's about, you pretty much get it (purely sarcastic) because I won't stop buying them but I don't get to them. I'm registering at college and trying to determine where to go (christian? secular? what? money?) and which path to take and how the heck I will fit that in to an already jam packed schedule. Caffeine no doubt will help.

So I call out to my friends & family to lift the calling up so that it can be used to help someone else in need. If passing on this information/knowledge helped one teen, one kid, one adult, one person move forward & succeed, it is worth it. Thank you RebeccaFM supporters! ;)

This American Life - Return to the Giant Pool of Money

If you haven't discovered This American Life yet - discover it. It's really a great show. We've ordered the DVD's from the library, short stories of This American Life, usually based on every day lives of Americans. This podcast link below is about the meltdown. Good Stuff (some subject matter is PG13+, so be careful)

http://feeds.thisamericanlife.org/talpodcast

My thought of the day

God created us to use us for His purpose. We don't do His work, He does His work through us if we allow ourselves to be used as His conduit. The problem is, as humans, we usually screw up the signal. - Rebecca

Someone made a comment on Facebook today, which put me back in to today's church message, where I felt moved to write down 2 things. The link between humans being created as God's conduit. I'm going to research that more (no stealing my message/angle on this) - the 2nd item, Mother Teresa. Maybe, just maybe, some people here on earth are used for conduit purposes. They have a connection that God uses to fulfill His purpose. I guess we label them prophets but that's not where I'm going here. The celtic term meaning "The Thin Place" - a God moment. Maybe some people are The Thin Place, where God works through.

More to come on this subject I'm sure.

Twenty Four - Switchfoot

I hadn't heard this before, was listening to random play on my IPod which has WAY too much music on it. I realized it's the 24th of September today. So I thought maybe it was meant for someone. Maybe me ;)

Twenty-four oceans
Twenty-four skies
Twenty-four failures
And twenty-four tries
Twenty-four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
With twenty-four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
And I'm not who I thought I was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'

There's twenty-four reasons
To admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses
Still twenty-four strong

See, I'm not copping out
Not copping out
Not copping out
When you're raising the dead in me

Twenty-four voices
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
In twenty-four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true
I'm singing 'Spirit take me up in arms with You'
You're raising the dead in me

I wanna see miracles
To see the world change
Wrestled the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
And you're raising the dead in me

Twenty-four oceans
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies
With twenty-four parts
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit,
take me up in arms with You'
I'm not copping out
Not copping out

RebeccaFM Talk: Rebecca's Response

RebeccaFM Talk: Rebecca's Response

The Cougar/Menopause Connection

This is not my post - go to

http://the-cougarz-den.blogspot.com

Sunday, February 1, 2009

In her book, Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, Christiane Northrup, M.D. states the following about menopause: "No other stage of a woman's life has as much potential for understanding and tapping into women's power as this one -- if, that is, a woman is able to negotiate her way through the general cultural negativity that has surrounded menopause for centuries."

There is much to consider here as to the connection between the mind/body/emotional well-being of a menopausal woman and society's ferocious label of women as cougars.
For one thing, many women may not even realize the totality of what is going on within this trifecta of the self (mind/body/emotional well-being). They might think that menopausal symptoms are limited to hot flashes, diminishing bone density, weight gain, and bitchiness. As a result, they aren't able to communicate to their partners the sum of what is truly going on.
Factor in that, generally speaking,the communication gap between the sexes remains a Grand Canyonesque chasm and that a vast majority of men and women equate menopause with old, and it is easy to see how misunderstandings and preconceptions prevail. Plus, let's not forget the ways in which we are conditioned by the media and by human weakness to focus on and be consumed by the negative. But that's a topic to growl about another day. For now let's focus on positivity and understanding the connection between menopause and cougardom.

There is much more going on during the perimenopausal/menopausal phase than the myriad of symptoms mentioned above. To paraphrase Dr. Northrop, this is the time when a woman focuses on recreating her life to accomodate the values and dreams that she put on hold during the nurturing years. During menopause, a woman "is more apt to tell the truth than ever before . . . and less apt to make excuses for others. Many women quest for peace of mind against a background of turmoil and change . . .and explore new facets of their identity." We begin to answer the creative call within ourselves in any number of ways: we change jobs or begin a new career, go back to school, write (!), take voice, dance, or acting lessons, learn crafts and make jewelry, pottery, afghans, quilts, etc., actively speak out for social justice, run for office - you get the picture. This newfound freedom to take care of ourselves and our needs often leads to self-acceptance and a shedding of inhibitions, thereby freeing us to explore and experience new heights of both our sexuality and our creative expressions. Dr. Joan Borysenko calls these years a "midlife metamorphosis."

These years are not a preclude to the winter of a woman's life, but rather, a second spring to the latter half of her lifespan. This is something to celebrate, not to fear. Men struggling in relationships with menopausal women may want to shift their perspectives and view this stage of women's lives as a positive thing. It is when we, as women, come into our personal power (at least, the baby boomer women of my generation do. Younger generations of women may or may not be as strongly attached to the stigma of the male/female voice and the gender roles that dominated the 20th century).

We finally know who we are, what's truly important for our well-being, and how we can find balance in serving ourselves while we continue to serve others. Consequently, women feel rejuvinated and excited about their futures. If their partners don't go with the flow (ironic timing for that phrase, isn't it?), their relationships will often be in danger. The cougar's prowess to achieve self-fulfillment is now maximally heightened and she will abandon her den if she must. But usually, this will occur only when her mate does not appreciate or understand that she would rather venture into newfound freedoms of expression without abandoning her den so that she and her mate can venture on this journey together. If her mate is unwilling to accept this empowered female, she will seek acceptance elsewhere.

This may be where the most common label of cougar was born, for many men over 50 are not used to the idea of women being so outspoken, aggressive, self-assured, and independant. Younger men are because gender roles have been substantially modified in the past few decades. Thus, it has become more common for women to seek the company of and partnerships with younger men. It doesn't have to be this way.

The key is for a man in mid-life to recognize that, in a way, his mate is a whole new woman - she is renewed in that she is finally whole - and their relationship can begin anew as well, on a new footing with a stronger foundation, and deeper, more exciting experiences together - in and out of the boudoir. And for those of you men who spot single women in their forties and fifties out there 'on the prowl', don't assume that we are merely looking to hook up with young studs. Many of us are attractive, strong, self-assured, stable women who are just out with the girls, or out seeking mates who are courageous enough to journey with us through our second spring and beyond.

Wildfires in Southern California - The Big Picture - Boston.com

Wildfires in Southern California - The Big Picture - Boston.com

Posted using ShareThis

Another parental learning moment...

Here's a play by play surrounding our trip to last week's high school football game....

Kayla, first year at Woodinville High School, wants to go to the football game with her best friend and their group (3 girls, 2 boys). "Are her parents going?" "I don't think so". "Then we'll be going, we're not ready for unchaperoned football games". Yea, we're a bit slower then some parents....

Several times the discussion comes up that Ms. Friend's parents aren't going. and a small allusion (or Illusion on Kayla's part), that we're not going either... so sorry. :) Night of the game comes and wait! Who's going? Ahhhh, Ms. Friend's mother is going to "check out the social scene". Mmmmm, hmmmm - we're not the only slow parents on the block.

We park. An SUV opens next to us and a girl appears. Both of her shirts she is "wearing" are shredded and the only part left (thankfully) are very tiny parts of material covering her chest. It's bareness matches her barely there mini skirt, which ride under her hip bones, barely above the pubic area and hardly covering her butt cheeks.... I look over at her companion, who is dressed in a skin tight black tank, bare mid riff and short mini skirt. Hmmm, reminds me of the actress off of Transformers who dressed exactly this way for.... HIGH SCHOOL????

One of the girl's mom exits the SUV and follows the girls inside. I can't even say "I bet they sneaked those clothes out".

Off to the stands we go. As we enter, it gets so much better! Matt, Ms. Friend's mom & I turn our heads up to the stands - right at a young girls bare thighs. which are between her white thigh highs and pretty silver bows (smack dab out of Fredericks of Hollywood I'm sure) and the matching short netted see through ballerina skirt. Is it Halloween already I think? It thought this was a HS football game.

Oh, but wait. At least she has some sort of shorts on under the skirt. As we are inundated with partially nude young high school girls (please, I am not exaggerating), Ms. Friend's mom and I are chatting, getting to know each other - pleased that we are exactly alike in our parenting (I am SO happy to not be alone!) and concerns with our daughters. I turn my head to say something to Matt and look at a girls BARE butt.

Okay, I exaggerate. Because it's not "bare". She is wearing full lace white hose, the same netted ballerina skirt and a WHS shirt. Some parent said she had thong like shorts on but that was it. Her butt was bare under the whatever they were.

Okay, now I'm really angry. Who in the heck is administering this stadium and the game? Where are the adults who facilitate and manage the students?

I look around... where's the pole and when does the show start?

Then the girl with the white SEE THROUGH lycra short short short shorts walks by. I look over at Ms. Friend's mom who says "why get dressed at all?".

I'm looking around at all the men in the stands. I feel sorry for them because regardless of age, men are visual creatures. And we were handing our daughters on a plate to them for a visual feasting. It was disgusting.

We had discussed bringing the family down, getting Ryan excited for football - we didn't realize we'd be entering a strip joint.

I guess this is one more thing we'll keep away from for now. And Kayla, sorry - no unchaperoned visits to that football team.

What is real to you?

This is my answer to another blog (http://www.divinenobodies.com/blog/?p=595) I found today. Good stuff.

When I was about 9, I remember being outside by myself in the middle of our field. I clearly heard my name being called. There wasn't anyone around. I repeated this to my parents, who gently scoffed. I knew at that age, it was God speaking my name. Now, I don't know, maybe it wasn't but who are we to think He can't speak to us in a way we would actually hear him? It never happened again but God has moved through me at times, a feeling creeping through my skin, across my cheek and bringing tears to my eyes. I believe because I know it to be true. No longer because it's what I was brought up to believe. The trials of my life that have mysteriously turned in to the best, greatest and most blessed place ever. When I have worried about my daughters faith, mysteriously she opens up and shows what's on her heart. Him, speaking ever so gently to her soul. When my son brings his bible instead of another book to the table for his nightly reading. It's in those moments, I know no doubt.

Seattle may drop grad standard to D average

Just imagine the responses of parents all over the Seattle area. THis is insanity.
We are preparing a generation for take over because the more uneducated they are, the easier it will be to manipulate them. The unbelievable stupidity of this thought process, running amuck through those that are in positions of authority and decision making for our kids education, is becoming incredibly hard to ignore. To my conspiracy theorist mind, it's not stupidity but fulfilling a future agenda. Continuous dumbing down of Americans. I will post my response to the news story afterwards. It is hard enough being a parent in the normal road but when you start having to fight against the system where your kids spend the majority of their time, you've got to step up your influence because your time with them is limited and you're just a parent, who doesn't know anything by teen standards anyway!

SEATTLE - Seattle public school students could be able to graduate with a D average if a proposed change in policy is approved by the school board.

Superintendent Maria Goodloe-Johnson has recommended the board do away with a requirement that students earn a C average to graduate.

The proposed policy change would also eliminate the requirement that athletes maintain a C average to play on school teams.

Parents surveyed by the district last year favor keeping the C-average requirement.

But officials, who planned to talk about the issue at a school board meeting on Wednesday evening, said they were following policies at other school districts.

The school board is scheduled to vote on the proposals Oct. 7.

Among other changes, the district is now counting an E grade when calculating grade-point averages, which it hadn't done for seven years. And for two years, students have had to pass a state test to graduate.

"We are, in fact, increasing rigor," said Susan Derse, a principal on special assignment who headed up a staff committee that made the recommendations.

Counselors hope the change would encourage some students to stay in school because they would have a greater chance of graduating and some would be more willing to try challenging classes.

Staff members have proposed other changes to the grading system such as allowing plus and minus grades and giving a grade-point bonus to students in honors classes.

District officials said they could not find another large school district in the state that required a C average for graduation, although a number require students to pass more classes than does Seattle.

The C average policy was put in place in 2000. At the time, many worried it could keep hundreds of students from graduating. That didn't happen, in part because the district stopped counting failing grades and allowed students to appeal if their average fell below a C.

Last year, the district granted C-average waivers to 95 students.

An answer to the Thermostat dillemma!

Focus on the Family
Understanding and Accepting Your Mate's Differences

We need to appreciate each other's uniqueness if we hope to live together in harmony.
by James Dobson, Ph.D.

The Gender Gap

My wife, Shirley, and I have been blessed with a wonderful relationship. She is my best friend, and I would rather spend an evening with her than with anyone else on earth. But we are also unique individuals and have struggled at times with our differences.

Our most serious conflict has raged now for forty-plus years, with no solution in sight. The problem is that we operate on entirely different internal heating mechanisms. I am very hot-blooded and prefer a Siberian climate. Shirley has ice in her veins and shivers even in warm surroundings. She has concluded that if we can have only one flesh between us, she's going to make it sweat! She will slip over to the thermostat at home and spin the dial to at least eighty-five degrees. All the bacteria in the house jump for joy and begin reproducing like crazy. Within a few minutes I start to glow and begin throwing open doors and windows. This ridiculous tug-of-war has been going on since our honeymoon and will continue till death do us part. In fact, there have been a few times when I thought death would part us over this difficulty!

What is interesting to me is how many other husbands and wives struggle with this problem. It also plagues men and women who fight over the office thermostat. Why is temperature such a pressure point? Because women typically operate at a lower rate of metabolism than men. This is only one of the countless physiological and emotional differences between the sexes that we must understand if we hope to live together in harmony.

Genesis tells us that the Creator made two sexes, not one, and that He designed each gender for a specific purpose. Take a good look at male and female anatomy and it becomes obvious that we were crafted to "fit" together. This is not only true in a sexual context but psychologically as well. Eve, being suited to Adam's particular needs, was given to him as a "help-meet." Man and woman were each divinely fashioned to complement the other.
We're Not Alike

Even a cursory examination of our biological differences can give us a greater appreciation for the unique and wonderful way we are made. Here is a quick rundown of a few:

1. Men and women differ in every cell of their bodies. This is because each carries a different chromosome pattern that is the basic source of their maleness or femaleness.
2. Women have greater constitutional vitality, perhaps because of this chromosome difference. Normally, women in the United States outlive men by three or four years.
3. Men have a higher rate of basal metabolism than women.
4. The sexes differ in skeletal structure, woman having a shorter head, broader face, less-protruding chin, shorter legs, and longer trunk. The first finger of a woman's hand is usually longer than the third; with men the reverse is true. Men's teeth typically last longer than do those of women.
5. Women have a larger stomach, kidneys, liver and appendix, and have smaller lungs.
6. Women have three important physiological functions totally absent in men — menstruation, pregnancy, and lactation. Each of these significantly influences behavior and feelings. Female hormonal patterns are more complex and varied than male. The glands work differently in the two sexes. For example, a woman's thyroid is larger and more active; it enlarges during menstruation and pregnancy, which makes her more prone to goiter, and is associated with the smooth skin, relatively hairless body, and thin layer of subcutaneous fat that are important elements in the concept of personal beauty. Women are also more responsive emotionally, laughing and crying more readily.
7. Women's blood contains more water (20 percent fewer red cells). Since red cells supply oxygen to the body, she tires more easily and is more prone to faint. Her constitutional viability is therefore strictly a long-range matter. When the working day in British factories under wartime conditions was increased from ten to twelve hours, accidents involving women increased 150 percent; the rate of accidents among men men did not increase significantly.
8. Men are 50 percent stronger than women in brute strength.
9. Women's hearts beat more rapidly (eighty vs. seventy-two beats per minute on average); blood pressure (ten points lower than men) varies from minute to minute; but they have less tendency to high blood pressure -- at least when the comparison is to women who have not yet experienced menopause.
10. Female lung capacity is about 30 percent less than in males.
11. Women can withstand high temperature better than men because their metabolism slows down less.1

And Even More Differences

In addition to these physiological differences, the sexes are blessed with a vast array of unique emotional characteristics. It is a wise and dedicated husband who desires to understand his wife's psychological needs and then sets out to meet them. Is she a morning person? If not, bring her a cup of coffee to help her start the day. Does she want to talk the moment she opens her eyes? It is unlikely -- but if she feels that way, set aside a few minutes each morning for casual conversation. An observant man can discover countless ways to serve and warm the heart of his wife.

The emotional differences between you and your partner will influence every aspect of your relationship. Briefly stated, in women, love is linked to self-esteem. For a man, romantic experiences with his wife are warm and enjoyable and memorable -- but are not considered necessary. For a woman, they are her lifeblood. Her confidence, her sexual response, and her zest for living are often directly related to those tender moments when she feels deeply loved and appreciated by her man. That is why flowers and candy and cards are more meaningful to her than to him. This is why she is continually trying to pull him away from the television set or the newspaper, and not vice versa. This is why the anniversary is critically important to her and why she never forgets it. That is why he had better not forget it!

This need for romantic love is not some quirk or peculiarity of the wife, as some husbands may think. It is the way God designed the human female, and the sooner men understand this, the better they will be equipped to increase the level of intimacy in their marriages.

Men also need to realize that women tend to care more about the home and everything in it. I don't know whether your wife or fiancee has a nesting instinct, but for years I have observed this feminine interest in the details of the family dwelling. Admittedly, not every woman lives in a neat house. I know some messy ladies whose mothers must have been frightened by garbage trucks when they were pregnant! Yet even these women show a genuine concern for their house and what is in it. Husbands sometimes fail to comprehend the significance of this female inclination.

Shirley and I recognized that we had differing perspectives several years ago when we purchased a gas barbecue unit for use in our backyard. We hired a plumber to install the device and left for the day. When we returned, we both observed that the barbecue was mounted about eight inches too high. Shirley and I stood looking at the appliance, and our reactions were quite different.

I said, "Yes, it's true. The plumber made a mistake. The barbecue is a bit too high. By the way, what's for dinner tonight?"

Shirley reacted more emphatically. "I don't think I can stand that thing sticking up in the air like that!"

I could have lived the rest of my life without ever thinking about the barbecue mounting again, but to Shirley it was a big deal. Why? Because we see the home differently. So we called the plumber and had him lower the unit about eight inches.

Husbands aren't the only ones who need to be aware of their partners' needs, of course. I suggest that wives tune in to their husbands' quirks and interests as well. For example, a survey taken several years ago to determine what men care about most yielded surprising results. Men did not long for expensive furniture, well-equipped garages, or a private study. What they wanted most was tranquility at home. Competition in the workplace today is so fierce, and the stresses of pleasing a boss and surviving professionally are so severe, that the home needs to be a haven to which a man can retreat. It is a smart woman who tries to make her home what her husband needs it to be.

Of course, many women also work, and their husbands are not the only ones in need of tranquility. This is a major problem in two-career families. It is even more difficult in the single-parent situation. I know no simple solution to those stress points, although I'm convinced that emotional instability and even physical illness can occur in the absence of a "safe place." Creating an environment at home to meet that need should be given priority, regardless of the family structure.

Well, so much for this short discourse on gender distinctiveness. I have attempted to show not only that males and females are different -- which any bloke can see -- but also that God authored those differences and we should appreciate them. It is our uniqueness that gives freshness and vitality to a relationship. How boring it would be if the sexes were identical! How redundant it would have been for the Creator to put Adam to sleep and then fashion yet another man from his rib!

No, He brought forth a woman and gave her to Adam. He put greater toughness and aggressiveness in the man, and more softness and nurturance in the woman -- and suited them to one another's needs. And in their relationship, He symbolized the mystical bond between the believer and Christ Himself. What an incredible concept!

I say to you, husbands and wives, celebrate your uniqueness and learn to compromise when male and female individuality collide. Or as an unnamed Frenchman once said, "Vive la difference!" He must have been a happily married man.
From Love for a Lifetime, published by Multnomah Gifts. Copyright © 2003, James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.
1Taken from Dr. Paul Popenoe, "Are Women Really Different?" Family Life 31 (February 1971).

Sunday's message

I have to tell you, if you are looking for a great pastor to listen to, Maltby Christian Assembly has 2 of the best. Pastor David, the lead pastor is genuine. I truly love listening to his sermons. His goal I think is really getting people to narrow it down to the one thing that's important - following Christ. Simple eh? :)

The young adult pastor, Justin Farley is a talented guy. He's young, hip and hilarious. He delivers his message from the gate getting you to laugh out loud and then turns it to the heart of the message softly, you quiet down as the words sink in to your psyche and heart. He reaches the kids where they are, with what they struggle with and an open genuine heart of a young adult who's "been there".

Yesterdays sermon was no exception. And boy, it was delivered lock & key right to where I've been dwelling lately.

You can download the messages in to ITunes from their website -

http://mcaweb.org/index.php?s=rs&nid=103097

I wrote down a few sentences that got my attention yesterday - here's a couple:

This is a quote from John Wooden, former UCLA basketball coach

"Don't let what you can't do, keep you from doing what you can do." I know I struggle with this all the time. Fear of failure is deep.

He spoke of Mother Teresa, how her life started. She committed herself to being a Nun for life at a young age. Her birth name was Agnes. She had a vision to open a orphanage and was ridiculed by her fellow sisters. Against the ridicule, she followed the fire placed on her heart by God. Justin's message said that sometimes that FIRE which burns inside you, is placed there by Him, so that maybe you'll ACT on it and complete His plan for your life. Wow, that really hit me hard because it was verbalization of the same words that had been spinning through my mind lately.

Justin said when he sees people like this he feels 3 things - first, inspiration. Followed by Intimidation. Finally Doubt. I add that this leads to non performance. Giving Up. What you can't do - and fear of failure or ridicule - keeps you from doing whatever it is that you can do.

Here I sit, guilty as charged. Yet... I am spreading the message in hopes it reaches someone else today and spurs action.

Have a great day -